i need help!!!!

[gabbie0586]

Hi...my story is kinda long but I'll try to make it short....Well this time last year i met this guy ...we fell in love and I got pregnant...but before we met I had just gotten out of a relationship with my ex... probably a month before I met the guy who got me pregnant...I was staying with my mom and shefound out this guys past....he had been to prison and what not but he had turned his life around....well my mom told me that if I had anything to do with this guy she would kick me out...and I was scared that she would because I had no where else to go...so I made up a lie and told jay that I wasn't having his baby...I told him it was deavins...my ex....well ne way me and jay broke up and we went our seperate ways and I got back together with deavin....well after I had the baby everything was fine...I had my baby July 20th...the second my baby was born I was like dang he looks just like Jay and he does...and I couldn't stop thinkin about him....so I decide to call his cousin who is also my friend...so I can find out where he is...and it so happens he was in town for the weekend...so I go over to her house and me and Jay talk and he tells me he has a g/f and that they are supposed to get married...I felt real bad...I always had feelings for him and I love him more than anything....but to make this story short my mom found out that I was talkin to him and she threatned to kick me out of the house again...I don't think its right to keep someones baby away just because you don't like their past and you don't think he will be a good father...so what do yall think I should do....jay broke up with his g/f to get back with me...now we're together and my mom doesn't know about it...and deavin thinks the baby is his and I know its not...I think they need to get a test...but my mom is making this situation difficult...shes making me dislike her.... do u think I should stay with deavin because he more financially fit and doesn't have any problems...or should I be with jay someone that I truly love and wanna be with even though he isn't financially fit and might have a bad past...let me know please I need some advice

[d'Arthez]

This is a very complex situation.

 

You were in a relationship with Deavin, but broke up with him to pursue a relationship with Jay. Within the month you are pregnant (probably Jay's child).

 

Okay, that is far from an ideal situation. Because you simply had not had the time to build a stable relationship, and learn much about each other. If you had known about his past, and his jailtime and all that, you would have told Jay not to talk to your mother about that.

 

But as a mother she has every right to be concerned about her daughter. Especially if Jay was in jail for violent crimes or sexual offences. For her it is logical to protect her child from bad influences, and to top it of, she thinks Deavin is the better bet for acquiring a bright future for you, than Jay is.

 

Your mother blackmails you out of that relationship, and you go back to Deavin. I think the idea that the child is his played an important part for him, so any challenge to the paternity of that child will result in all likelihood in a major falling out. Deavin, may have tried to make the best out of the situation, as he trapped himself in this relationship, by getting you pregnant (at least that is what he believes). He wants to be a responsible father, and take ownership of the effects of his past behavior. But if he finds out that you have deceived him, he won't be thankful - nor will his family.

 

You break up with Jay, because of the emotional pressure from your mom, and get back together with Deavin. After the child is born, you get in contact with Jay again, who breaks up with his fiancee, to be with you, and be a father to what is probably his son.

 

Which adds even more complications to the whole situation. If you do a paternity test, your mother is bound to find out who the father is of her grandchild.

It is hard to predict if your mother will follow up the threat to kick you out, but it is also obvious that her score of Jay won't improve in her books, nor the perception of you and your deceitful ways. She will do the math, and figure out that you have tried to deceive her willingly.

 

And then of course, you will have to consider the impact of your decisions on the life of your son.

 

So basically you have a few options, assuming you don't consider adoption:

1. deceive Deavin, and let him assume the fatherrole of Jay's child. Financially speaking it is probably the best option. But you don't love him, and you will be trapped in a relationship that is not satisfactory to you, because you are not in love with him.

 

2. fess up, and expect a strained relationship with your parents.

 

a. Keep in a relationship with Jay, and keep living at home (if your mother allows for that). Live will be hard because of the more limited financial means, schooling pressure. You may get the support from your mom, not because you were so terrific in the past year in the perception of your mom, but because there is the reality of her grandson. Don't expect her perception of Jay or you to improve.

 

b. Keep in a relationship with Jay, and move out / be kicked out by your mom. In all likelihood this will lead to increased expenses, most notably living expenses. Furthermore you will have to consider the needs of your son, which means day-care / sitters have to be arranged for. Hopefully your school can support you in that. You will be in the relationship that you want to, but don't expect things to be easy, as the both of you will be under a lot of pressure to make things work, and to earn enough money for the expenses.

 

Of course, I have no idea, how responsible both Jay and Deavin are. Only you can judge, and only you can decide what to do. It is not an easy decision by no means - and you will make a few people unhappy, irregardless of what you do. This is not just about you - but most of all about your son.