dupedforreal123 Posted February 2, 2019 Posted February 2, 2019 Has your marriage gotten any better? Worse? Did your sex life improve at all? The only reason I ask is most if not all threads talk about stale sex life prior to the affairs - did this improve at all?
Author dupedforreal123 Posted February 3, 2019 Author Posted February 3, 2019 Seriously no one here has tried to reconcile?
BaileyB Posted February 3, 2019 Posted February 3, 2019 I have never reconciled, so I can’t really answer your question... Except to say, in your many posts on this site, one thing is very clear. Your reconciliation is not likely to be successful because you are not doing it for the right reasons. You are still clearly in love with your AP, you would want to be with her now if she hadn’t changed her mind and walked away... which leaves you attempting to reconcile with your wife primarily because you have no other option (unless you decide to leave the marriage). It’s a process, and you are working through the process. But, you are still so focused on the OW... If you truly want to reconcile your marriage, quit this endless questioning and these attempts to understand why your affair partner stayed in her marriage. Go no contact, be honest with your wife, and get yourself to counselling. Good luck.
pepperbird Posted February 4, 2019 Posted February 4, 2019 op, since you asked a question about sex during after/reconciliation... My spouse and I reconciled over a decade ago, and I can tell you one thing. If he had gone into the process the way you have, I wold have turfed him out on his @ss. I know that sounds really mean of me to say, but bear with me. It would have been because I didn't love him and want to be happy with him, but because I didn't want him to stay if it wasn't truly where he wanted to be. I was happy to love him support him through his "withdrawals" if he needed me to. I was happy to go to counseling and go through all the other crud we would have to got through, because he knew being married is what he wanted. It was part of the road to recovering, and awful as it was, it was worth it. Reconciling is a tough road and it's not for the cowards in the group. It's also not for anyone who would really rather be with someone else. If you decide to reconcile, you will be asking your spouse to put herself through hell for you. Please don't do that unless it's 100 percent what you want...and don;t use "I have to stay for the kids" either. About the sex? That one's easy. If you're lying there , pining for another and wishing your wife was someone else, how great do you think the sex is going to be? Your wife will be competing with a ghost, and an idealized fake one at that...how can one do that?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 4, 2019 Posted February 4, 2019 I did and it was a total disaster and traumatizing to my kids.
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