Author Hopeful30 Posted February 9, 2019 Author Posted February 9, 2019 (edited) Try using dating apps and don't just swipe right. You could watch dating videos on YouTube if that helps you to be more excited Other than that go to meet-ups or you could date someone at work, but start going out as friends first. It sounds stupid but I think it's a risk you should try since you're 30. If I'm guessing right you do want to establish a family at this stage of your life. or atleast have a boyfriend. So take that risk girl! My darling poster, men don't want to start as friends. In my experiences, they rush to label you as 'gf' and always ask 'where are we?' It's extremely uncomfortable because I haven't even had the time to explore how i feel, and they already want a solid answer. Men aren't that patient, at least in my experiences. I don't mix work and dating, most people don't know how to separate the two and it has jeopardized my employment in the past. I was online for 2 years (match and eharmony) and that experience confirmed my original beliefs about online dating. I went on several dates but all had obvious personality or emotional flaws that were immediately evident. I've considered joining charities or clubs to increase my chances of meeting someone with similar interests, but who has the time! I work full time, school part time, and in between try to juggle self maintenance, home maintenance and my existing relationships (family, friends). Through friends in this situation is easiest, but again, I'm in between age groups. Plus men are afraid to approach (I blame my height and charisma ) Edited February 9, 2019 by Hopeful30
edgygirl Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 I’ve spent some time in Canada. Dating is even more brutal than in the US. People are really nice — but also really cold. I found men there to be a little weird. Almost like too polite and also stuck up. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 I don't know if anyone can make oneself excited about dating. Are you happy alone? I think being too happy alone makes dating difficult. I think people need to feel somewhat uncomfortable with the situation. For me dating lost much of its charm by age 30. It seems like a lot of work for littlke in return. Usually in other areas of life when I've worked hard, I have benefited to some degree. I couldn't say that for my dating life by and large. I've also spent most of my adult life single. Exactly. In work life for example, I have studied and worked hard and I am reaping the benefits constantly, with every further step I take. None of it was a waste of time. In dating, I have spent HUGE amount of time on OLDs and there was not even close to return to my investment. I was never so bored, miserable, and just plain discouraged in my life. Time is the biggest asset we have. There is no point in "trying" when you already did and the end result was just a giant waste of time. 1
chillii Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 (edited) I relate to what you're saying, but I dont think it's only standards. You're spot on about the disconnect though. For me personally, I know ethnicity plays a huge role. I don't understand Canadians and their mentality. I'm eastern European, men there are very different and dating is much easier (although finding the right person is just as difficult, but it seems to happen sooner because everyone is always dating). I also don't mind traditional gender roles, but seeing as how most men here want equality, they treat women like their dude friends, which i also have a different view on. There's nothing sexier than a man who apologizes for swearing because a lady is in the room. For some reason many western men see this as weakness or submission, which is both hilarious and mindboggling at the same time. Just as an example. No l think you might have the swearing part alllll wrong. l'm not in Canada or the states but l'd never apologize for swearing in front of a lady unless she is an actual lady. But most women are worse than guys l know, not only swearing but in all sorts of ways , even on tv shows , not that ltake much notice of that lala land but never the less you see it a lot. So it has absolutely nothing to do with weakness , not in my case anyway, ideas like that are just more of women and their very strange comprehensions and convenient twisting of men. Which is another thing you see all over too, But anyway l'm sorry about your sitch none the less. l can well imagine , there are certain countries l def' would not like to be a single guy in either. But l do believe, know in fact, there is always those exceptions hidden away in any situation . So l guess in your sitch you'd keep an eye out for those and sharpen your senses and picker a little to be able to spot that exception. Although they are actually very easy to spot because they are usually the one off in a crowd so to speak and that's what you need to look for. Good luck. Edited February 9, 2019 by chillii 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 Do you enjoy being single so much to the point that you don't enjoy the process of having to date? Or you don't really enjoy being single but also don't enjoy the process of dating? Either way it doesn't matter and welcome to the party lol. I think most of us would rather meet the one yesterday. And dating is just that necessary evil to find them. If you want to eventually find someone then you just date. Just like if you want to lose weight you just portion control and get active. If you want a job you have to fill out applications and give resumes. Many things in life we don't want to do but we make time to do the things we don't want to get something we do want. You don't have to like dating. I f*cking hate it lmao. I wish I knew who when where Mr Right is and will just relax and live it up till that day lol. But since that's not reality I have to put myself out to the world, get to know guys, let them get to know me and see what happens. So how to get more excited about it? I say you don't have to be more excited about the process itself. You just live your life in the most enjoyable way as possible. Fit it into your routine and schedule in a way that it doesn't have to be so painful. Make it manageable. Rinse and repeat until you find the one. Now don't get me wrong there are a few things one can do to make it easy and dare I say it enjoyable or at the very least not as annoying lol. Me personally I do things that I enjoy doing. I don't try to do things to meet man on purpose for the sake of meeting a man. All that does is make dating feel more pathetic and forced. So do what makes you happy. Never know who you meet while your doing things you enjoy and honestly that's optimal. If you want to learn something out of curiosity then do that. Just don't go just because there are men there and you don't have any interest lol. If your outside the house then just look good. Again never know. I wouldn't force myself to talk to men I am not at all attracted to. Some people date a whole bunch of people and try not to be too picky and that's real noble and all but that right there would lead to burn out and would be oh so unenjoyable. So I say smile and say hello to the guys who are not ugly to you. They don't have to be gorgeous. But they shouldn't be grotesque to you either. Put up a dating profile and pick out the ones you like to say hi to and respond to the ones you like in your inbox. If you are dating online then require a conversation online and on the phone before agreeing to go on an actual date. I found I had better dates this way. You can tell a lot of time if a date will suck by the quality of their conversation over phone. And lastly if you have standards you need to accept there will be dry days (maybe weeks and months). It's easy to get a boyfriend if you are the type to ignore red flags and have no standards lol. But if you detect red flags while getting to know men then that means you would be weeding out men from your dating pool more and being more selective. That comes with the territory that you would be single longer then a woman who date anybody and everybody. You just have to determine what your bare bone standards are. If your 5'5 and look down on guys who are taller than you but not as tall as you like such as 6'0 foot and up *side eye* well come on now. Him being 5'7 has nothing to do with whether or not he would be a great guy for you or not. Don't complain about prolonged singleness with super picky standards like that lol. Oh yea don't agree to lame date settings. If he suggest meeting at a damn Starbucks *eye roll* then politely say "I would love to meet you. Would you be open to meet for drinks at (whatever local upscale place) instead?". Sometimes what makes the date less exciting is the place you don't like that your agreeing to as well. As far as not meeting the one yet? There isn't much you can do except be your best and keep putting yourself out there which is where the whole work out metaphor comes in. Just keep on keeping on till you find what your looking for *shrugs* 2
Fair Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 Yes, dating sucks. It might not be 'uplifting' to hear but it's true. Some people are just going to hate it the way some people hate going to the gym. The older you get the more dispiriting it is... 1
alphamale Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 The older you get the more dispiriting it is... boy that's the truth
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 boy that's the truth Yup. And the older you get, the less single people you meet naturally. I can count a number of age appropriate single men I met in real life per year - it ranges from 1-2. This year it has been zero. So without something really tedious such as OLD, your chances of randomly meeting someone and having a mutual connection are nil.
alphamale Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 Yup. And the older you get, the less single people you meet naturally. I can count a number of age appropriate single men I met in real life per year - it ranges from 1-2. This year it has been zero. So without something really tedious such as OLD, your chances of randomly meeting someone and having a mutual connection are nil. totally agree ES, we should start a LS match-making service
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 11, 2019 Author Posted February 11, 2019 Yup. And the older you get, the less single people you meet naturally. I can count a number of age appropriate single men I met in real life per year - it ranges from 1-2. This year it has been zero. So without something really tedious such as OLD, your chances of randomly meeting someone and having a mutual connection are nil. Do you really believe that? It's how the entire species procreated before the internet. Seemed to work all this time... The age thing makes sense, but the truth is it's just as difficult now as it's always been for me. The only difference is back then I actually tried, and now I don't giva****. Result is the same, except I'm less stressed. Turns out not caring doesn't have negative repercussions. So I suppose in this way, age has made it easier
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