Dating a woman with a questionable history

[Graywulfx]

Here's a quick update.

 

Again, I really appreciate all of the comments and you taking the time to read and respond.

 

I layed it all out and made my feelings very clear. I do not approve of her blatant lack of integrity and do not appreciate the trickle truth bs.

 

I ripped into her and old her that her actions were deplorable. I have little respect for someone willing to destroy a family to have a good time.

 

I tried to focus on understanding where she was in her life back then, why she'd do those things, and what has changed.

 

She explained how dark and lonely her life was and how painful her relationships were. Low self esteem from a series of abusive relationships left her looking for a connection.

 

Our relationship is the first normal, healthy relationship she has had in her adult life. She cherishes this relationship and finally feels like she's not being used. For once in her life she is happy.

 

I stood my ground. Dating crappy people does not justify her being crappy. I didn't buy the victim crap. Her relationships were toxic because of her poor choices and those poor decisions are poisoning this relationship now. When you lie with dogs you rise with fleas.

 

I get the feeling that she hasn't taken the time to reflect on her mistakes and realize how much pain they cause.

 

That doesn't sit well with me. I don't think that the potential of losing this relationship is enough to spark any meaningful change.

[Highndry]

Somebody of her age doesn't finally discover their moral compass - she doesn't have one.

[Juha]

Dump, Delete, Forget.... Simple as that, yes it is cold but diminishing returns on this person is what is happening. No reason to throw more time, effort, and emotion after bad....

 

Here issues, why she has them, and why she made decisions to do what she did are her's and do not justify her actions. In her mind they do but does not really seem like she has bothered to think about what she did or how much damage she did for her own guilty pleasure.

 

This woman is selfish and damaged. Move along and find someone that does not need to be fixed. That is not your job...

 

Your life will be soooo much happier with a healthy person in it

 

I wish you the best

[40somethingGuy]

I am deeply torn and in need of advice.

 

Backstory: I (36M) have been dating my current girlfriend (38F) for a year. It's been smooth sailing the entire time and I strongly believe this could go the distance. However, the red flags have started piling up.

 

Her backstory is something out of a soap opera, but I'll try to keep it brief. She was married young and cheated on her husband with a married coworker. His wife was also a coworker. Red flag number one.

 

She dates the guy she cheated with for five years, the relationship turns toxic and she severs ties. Time passes, and despite commiting career suicide, she shoots up the ranks. Turns out she's dating her married, but allegedly separated boss. Red flag number two.

 

That relationship sours, and she starts seeing other people. She still goes on business trips with her boss boyfriend, and he buys her a ring. She had a casual relationship with another high ranking coworker.

 

Side story: I am in the same industry as these people and recently ran into this high ranking coworker. He is married with children and has been for the last ten years. She told me they dated, but the married part was omitted. Red flag number three.

 

She and I start working together. I pay her little mind, she goes on a couple dates with a coworker and friend of mine. She says she didnt know it, but he had a girlfriend. Red flag number four.

 

I start dating her a year later. She has been ridiculously transparent about things. I have confronted her about her morally questionable decisions and she is open and remorseful. She never shys away from talking about these issues.

 

Should I hold her past against her? My heart says give her a chance, people change. My head says I'm a fool for ignoring an obvious trend.

 

Help me out wise people of the internet.

Sounds like she likes variety, not sticking with one man. You've been together a year. Once the novelty wears off she will repeat the pattern. She seems much more FWB material than relationship/marriage material.