Versacehottie Posted February 4, 2019 Posted February 4, 2019 I should clarify, I don't only want this girl for sex. In fact it would take multiple dates and even becoming exclusive before I considered it. I guess what I meant is, for my first sexual experience, I want it to be with a girl who I am very attracted to. (Doesn't have to be a 10, but I want that dying to rip your clothes off feeling) My coworkers and even therapist tell me to lower my standards, but I don't want to lose it to a girl I don't find very attractive. I guess there is a part of me who wants to show an extremely hot girl, that there are guys who want to actually get to know her. I myself am no where near a 10, maybe a 6 or 7 at best. I just want the opportunity to show a girl like this one who I am as a person, and hopefully have her develop feelings for me. I don't like objectifying women based on their looks but when you only base it off of girls online, that is really all you have. It's normal to want to be with a girl you are very attracted to. Fair enough. I think as you get more in-person experience with people/girls of ALL types you might find that girls who are a 10 you don't necessarily connect with and maybe some that are a 6 or 7 like you, you actually connect really well with for whatever reasons you cannot see on the surface. I think that's why your coworkers and therapist are trying to get you to OPEN your mind (let's call it that rather than lower your standards as you said you are looking for the all-encompassing attraction by "wanting to get to know her & show her who you are"). You are misunderstanding that hot girls only have guys who like them for their looks. That's usually how the initial meeting starts for sure but it doesn't mean they reciprocate interest in guys who behave that way toward them or get into relationships with those guys. It's probably more accurate to say that it is often an advantage when meeting guys. Bolded above, i would say that putting a potential partner on a pedestal is not going to help you "get" them, much like what you did that lead you to start this thread. You need to put yourself on equal footing with the other person and feel like you have (well KNOW that you have) something to offer that is equal to what she brings to the table. So I think you should work on things that increase your self-worth and self-confidence that should help you with everything. To me, it seems like part of what could be causing your social anxiety is that you feel inadequate to others, instead of believing in yourself (not making light of it being an easy task if you don't know how). Also maybe you are not directly objectifying women but I think it possibly sounds like you want a 10 to bolster who you are, like give you value that you cannot give or find yourself. Nothing at all wrong with wanting to be with someone romantically and physically that you are attracted to. I think maybe as a little assignment you should try to look for clues in girls online profiles or just in people you interact with of all sorts that give you a cue to what character/personality they are. Maybe once you are getting better at that you will have a better appreciation for the person you date in TOTAL. Once you can do that i suspect your success with girls of all range will increase, as will your confidence and your ability to connect with others. Try it. It's very hard to explain so i hope i'm making sense but i suppose if this resonates with you at all and you are willing to try something new you could try.
smackie9 Posted February 4, 2019 Posted February 4, 2019 So that's why you are here....your therapist isn't doing it for you. Well not all therapists are the same. If you struggle with them and their advice, find another therapist until you do find one where you see results. IMO you just wasted 7 months and your money. This is where the confidence comes in. You are not satisfied, then you dump them, find someone else. And that's how you need to treat relationships in your life....to stick up for yourself.
Author ericw899 Posted February 5, 2019 Author Posted February 5, 2019 So that's why you are here....your therapist isn't doing it for you. Well not all therapists are the same. If you struggle with them and their advice, find another therapist until you do find one where you see results. IMO you just wasted 7 months and your money. This is where the confidence comes in. You are not satisfied, then you dump them, find someone else. And that's how you need to treat relationships in your life....to stick up for yourself. It's just hard to know for sure if she is not working or am I just not grasping the concept of therapy. I guess I imagined it being more straight forward like "by next week go approch three women at the bar" With my therapist it's so open ended like " go out and make conversation or put yourself out there." I just don't know how to translate that into action, especially when I feel I don't have the tools to do so.
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