smile95 Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 I have that urg to call him that I gt at this point of 3 wks into NC. I sometimes give in, but I know I cannot this time. Nothing will change right? If I hear him say he loves me, that will help for the moment, but that will not make him a caring person or make him be less busy and be able to make time for me? How am I ever going to let go??? I have tried EVERYTHING! Keeping busy helps, but then I get home and realize he is gone.... Just please convince me that the 3 wks of NC is just making me remember all the good and forgetting the bad. I do not want to call, but I have a feeling I am going to end up calling. After being with him 3.5 yrs, can he just forget me????? I hate when he does this! THen he calls and acts like nothing is wrong...I am not calling, but PLEASE remind me why????
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 Before you pick up that phone, go back and re-read your posts. Force yourself to feel that pain again. After you read your posts, give yourself a full hour in which you really think about how willing you are to rip off this fresh scab and bleed out again just to hear him say something predictible that you know will cause you more pain than good.
Author smile95 Posted September 17, 2005 Author Posted September 17, 2005 ok so I started to read my old posts that start Aug 2004. it was sickening. I see the pattern of him not talking to me and then us getting back and then the same pattern!!!! It is really sick. i have not been happy for so long. I have to stop the crazy cycle. I guess reading those, I realize that he was not as great as I thought. Thanks!
NewLee40 Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 Its good you read those old posts. The important thing to consider is why you want to call him. You are missing him, feeling lonely, and want to feel better. But, he won't make you feel better. He will make you feel worse in the end. When I called my ex back, it was mainly to stop my phone from ringing. While the conversation itself was not traumatic, it still didn't make me feel any better to call him. But, there again, I didn't expect it to. Fortunately, I do think it did stop him from calling back again. At least for a long time. Think about your expectations. Do you honestly think talking to him would fulfill those expectations? Would you feel "loved" because a guy who has virtually ignored you, pays attention to you when you call him? I don't think you would. Just take care of yourself and take time to heal. It does take time. I'm giving myself a year, personally. I don't even mean a year with NC. I don't expect that I'll ever talk to him again, or if I do, nothing will come of it. I mean a year before I get involved again. I'm in no condition to love anyone else. My heart is broken, it will be a while before it is healed. My ex can't heal it. Another person can't heal it. Only time... and a lot of care on my part with a healthy dose of help from above, will make a difference. Dont' call sweetie....you'll just set yourself back.
Author smile95 Posted September 17, 2005 Author Posted September 17, 2005 thanks New Lee. I think I want to call becasue I know he will answer and confirm that we love each other. I want the instant gratification. But you are right. I cannot! Wht would it solve? A week of feeling in love agian only to fall bak to square one? I am just sad that this time feels like "it". The final break up. Although my friends say I say that everytime this happens. I thinik he feels he will hurt me more by calling since I feel so much for him and that he knows he cannot make time for me so he will not even bother calling. I am so tired of feeling sad. I want to be in love again. I wanted it to be him. I feel fooled. I really thought he was it.
NewLee40 Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 Yes, the finality of it all does make it hurt worse. And you know, even if he does love you, it doesn't matter. He still hurts you and love should not hurt. His brand of love is not what you need. Hang in there, heal yourself so you can find the guy who will love you and who won't make you feel all this pain.
Starnette83 Posted September 18, 2005 Posted September 18, 2005 Hey Beth, I know how hard it is, i also feel fooled, ive been in the same cycle with my bf, of breaking up n he ignoring me n then me callin or he calling me and back i feel happy. ive been with my guy for almost 5 years and i do love him. But i know i cant call him because i would just be saying "Ok u can ignore me and im still here" which is not something i want. If a guy really wants he can and will reach us. I have hope that my guy will reach me yet at the same time im like what for? im too weak to say "Leave me alone" or to even better, ignore him. I love him and i also thought and still think he is "IT" but i guess only time will tell, but we can't let these guys keep doing this to us, its not fair for us. Im so annoyed right now and yes i feel lonely, im not even mad at him, i just want to see him and hug him..but thats retarded, how can i feel that way after what hes done and keeps doing . UGH as for metoday is 4th day no contact. Today i began to really miss it and think "Omigod hes really not going to call me" and then i keep getting these paranoid thoughts of him and other girls. I know for a fact that it will take me a year or more to get over my bf. I know that i cannot date any guy anytime soon, im not interested in anyone, i just dont trust, believe or even feel like making the effort to get involved with someone else. So just know youre not alone, many of us are going through this...even when i drive i think i will run into his car and he can see me, or me see him, or sometimes i hear the phone and run to my cell to check if he calls, and i realize im crazy...ahh it sucks. I love him and it feels like i will forever feel this way. but we have to be strong, its only until a year after not being with them and we still feel this way that we might need some help, but right now its normal to go through all these stuff....since its so recent
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