sugar-rae Posted September 26, 2005 Posted September 26, 2005 I myself am not Kate Moss thin, so I know how MC feels about the whole weight issue. I lost 20 lbs in 2 weeks from stress and nerves over the A. But, after you deal with that then your body goes back to normal. I've just learned to accept myself and what my outside looks like for right now while my inside is getting a "makeover". I know, and I hope MC will too, that if you try to lose weight for vain reasons, it's harder to keep it off. If you lose it, make sure it's for you and not for some 2-bit no good (exOW). Don't worry about the difference inwhat she looks like and yourself. Concentrate on how you feel about yourself on the inside. You're a good person. I know you are, just from your emails and posts, J. I hope I'm not being nosey, j, but your H hasn't ever said he thought the exOW was nicer shaped than you, has he?
Author mopar crazy Posted September 26, 2005 Author Posted September 26, 2005 Don't get obsessed with your weight vs. hers please! Just lose weight so that you can feel good about yourself. It really contributes to self-confidence. I feel so good when I am thin and so ugly when I gain 10-15 lbs. He wanted to show off as in go there as a couple, not all by himself and look lonely and miserable. So a questions for you, MC: have you forgiven your husband? When did the affair happen? I also didn't understand whether the affair became physical before or after you split. Thanks RP, I appreciate it. I just wish I could loose 25-30 lbs and I would be so much happier. I lost 30 lbs in a month and half and I looked so good, I miss that. I just need to watch my diet and start working out, that is all there is too it. As for your ?'s, yes I have forgiven my H for his part in the A. The A happened a little over 2 years ago, yes I am still dealing w/ it at times when it comes to things like what I posted about. Sometimes it feels like the A is just a bad nightmare and never happened. I don't dwell on the A and have came a long way w/ healing. Their A started out as an EA and the PA started after I kicked him out of the house. S, thanks so much for your kind words. It was very interesting what you posted, thanks.
RecordProducer Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 I just wish I could loose 25-30 lbs and I would be so much happier. I lost 30 lbs in a month and half and I looked so good, I miss that. I just need to watch my diet and start working out, that is all there is too it. As I entered my 30's I find it very difficult to lose weight , but so easy to gain it. :mad: Skipping dinner doesn't help me anymore and I should practically starve and be very active in order to lose weight. Swimming and walking has proven to be the best two ways for me. I think we should just see it as a huge struggle then it won't seem so hard. We see diets as "let's eat, but lose weight." Their A started out as an EA and the PA started after I kicked him out of the house. OMG! So you practically pushed him into a PA? Or was he ready to turn the EA into PA before you kicked him out? You do seem like you've gotten over the affair, possibly because you blame yourself a lot. You know, it's easier to forgive yourself than others. I would rather blame myself than feel like a victim.
Author mopar crazy Posted September 27, 2005 Author Posted September 27, 2005 As I entered my 30's I find it very difficult to lose weight , but so easy to gain it. :mad: Skipping dinner doesn't help me anymore and I should practically starve and be very active in order to lose weight. Swimming and walking has proven to be the best two ways for me. I think we should just see it as a huge struggle then it won't seem so hard. We see diets as "let's eat, but lose weight." OMG! So you practically pushed him into a PA? Or was he ready to turn the EA into PA before you kicked him out? You do seem like you've gotten over the affair, possibly because you blame yourself a lot. You know, it's easier to forgive yourself than others. I would rather blame myself than feel like a victim. Turning 30 sucks, and I am pushing 40, lol. I just need to start eating less at work. I eat way too much at work b/c it's there, right in front of me. I need to have one serving and clean up my dishes and not have another bite. My willpower really sucks! And by the time I get home I need to cook, clean, do laundry or I am so exhausted I just want to veg out on the puter or in front of the tv. I need a major life style change. OMGosh RP, don't make me feel like I pushed him into his A. But ya know what, if I wouldn't of kicked him out he probably wouldn't of had so many opprotunities to sleep w/ her and if he did, I would of found out sooner, on my own, if he was sleeping w/ her b/c he would be gone a lot. My H filed for a D. He said neither one of us were happy and he was setting me free to find someone who would make me happy. Well, at the time he never said the OW had anything to do w/ it but after we got back 2gether he admitted to me she was partly the reason for the D. When he wanted the D I told him to move out. The week he said he wanted a D my friends called and told me they were messing around. He was still living w/ me at the time. When he actually filed I kicked him out and he gladly went. I would constantly drive by where he was staying. I even called his cell at 11:00 one night and he answered. He lied and said he was down at the convienance store getting a pop. He was actually driving back from seeing the OW. Gosh I was so gullible, stupid, and niave. And big time denial. He was having an EA b4 he filed for a D. He was constantly talking about the OW. I finally asked him if he wanted to sleep w/ her and he said he would, if he weren't M. I guess H had the decentcy to say he wanted out of the M b4 he slept w/ her, however, he was having an EA w/ her and I had no clue what was going on, thought my M was rocky, but never thought he was having an EA. The OW was the one that told H she was attracted to him first, and she was the one that kissed him first. I knew she was after him, knew for years. Women aren't stupid, we know when another woman wants our H/BF's.
RecordProducer Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 OMGosh RP, don't make me feel like I pushed him into his A. Oh, I am sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I actually think that we find a lot of understanding and forgiveness for our own mistakes. Don't blame yourself please! I was just saying that maybe your husband is not so immoral as some other men who have had affairs; he at least kept saying "no" as long as he was with you. He practically broke up with you, had a relationship with her then came back to you. Got it? It's more fair, moral, and honest than those who just cheat and lie and pretend that everything is fine. The moment someone breaks up with us is when his personal and romantic affairs become just his. He didn't have to tell you about the other woman. So my whole point is that your husband is not a scum-bag. If you were not married, it would be like this: he broke up with you, started a relationship with another woman (without reporting it to you) then came back to you. You did have some solid ground for re-building the marriage; hence the re-gained trust on your part. If I re-marry and my husband leaves me then spends a few months with another woman, I would probably want him back if he breaks up with her and if our mariage was good in the past. I would be hurt, but wouldn't consider him an ass hole. It's different when you fear that your spouse will fall in love with another woman (that question is hypothetically always present in any marriage) vs. living with a spouse who unscrupulously cheated and lied once while eating your meals and wearing the shirts you washed.
Author mopar crazy Posted September 28, 2005 Author Posted September 28, 2005 Oh, I am sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I actually think that we find a lot of understanding and forgiveness for our own mistakes. Don't blame yourself please! I was just saying that maybe your husband is not so immoral as some other men who have had affairs; he at least kept saying "no" as long as he was with you. He practically broke up with you, had a relationship with her then came back to you. Got it? It's more fair, moral, and honest than those who just cheat and lie and pretend that everything is fine. The moment someone breaks up with us is when his personal and romantic affairs become just his. He didn't have to tell you about the other woman. So my whole point is that your husband is not a scum-bag. If you were not married, it would be like this: he broke up with you, started a relationship with another woman (without reporting it to you) then came back to you. You did have some solid ground for re-building the marriage; hence the re-gained trust on your part. If I re-marry and my husband leaves me then spends a few months with another woman, I would probably want him back if he breaks up with her and if our mariage was good in the past. I would be hurt, but wouldn't consider him an ass hole. It's different when you fear that your spouse will fall in love with another woman (that question is hypothetically always present in any marriage) vs. living with a spouse who unscrupulously cheated and lied once while eating your meals and wearing the shirts you washed. Sorry if it sounded like I was feeling bad about what you said, I didn't mean for it to sound like that. As for H leaving me, being seperated, and his A, I still find his EA w/ the exOW as cheating, even though he never had sex w/ her. Ya know how stupid I felt when he told me the exOW told him she was attracted to him and kissed him and I never had any clue? I was probably at home, working, taking care of our children while he was out driving around w/ her, kissing him and I was clueless to any of it. He said he always had to work late. I know he wasn't w/ the exOW all the time b/c as soon as I got done working I would call him at work and he was there. I guess there was that one time I didn't call and he was w/ her. I wish he would of told me about it. Maybe at that point we could of worked on our M a little harder if he felt himself falling in love, or having feelings for the exOW. He could of told me that he was attracted to her, she gave him something I didn't, and we could of worked on our M b4 it came to the point of the D, seperation, and me moving back to my hometown for support from my family. I have forgiven both H and the exOW for their A, however I really wish I could of told her how much she hurt me, ask her why she lied to me, why she pretended to be my friend, why she tried to help H and I through our M breakup and all along she was just waiting for the perfect moment where she could be w/ him. I don't think she honestly cares who she hurts as long as she gets her way.
RecordProducer Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 Yeah, I can imagine how much you must have been hurt. I would be too. She is definitely a bitch for pursuing a MM. Sh*t happens.
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