Thynight Posted January 29, 2019 Posted January 29, 2019 I have fallen for my care giver and friend. She is in a relationship that she wants out of, but has not left yet. The relationship was abusive in the past, but her partner is trying to make it better. She still wants out though, but feel she owes them the chance. The reason I have not said anything yet is because she is in a relationship and I am her boss. We do hang out outside of her work hours. I also think she may be interested, but she too is not sure whether to say anything or not. Not sure what to do in general, as a friend when she talks to me about things, but give honest answers or as a boss. Thoughts? PS I only say I am her boss because it will change the advice given. I posted on another forum and women said I was pig just making myself out to be big. That was not my point. PSS Even though I am her boss we hang out much more as friends off the clock. She even bought a bed for my house in case she needs to get away from her house.
d0nnivain Posted January 29, 2019 Posted January 29, 2019 Read up on a concept called transference. You don't love your care giver. It would be unprofessional for her to take up with you. This is a bad idea. Do nothing. Do not tell her. Suppress, suppress, suppress. 1
smackie9 Posted January 29, 2019 Posted January 29, 2019 She's friend zoned you...you are the safe guy friend she can rely on. She's using you as a stepping stone to get out of her situation. You are reading her endearment towards you as romantic....it's your feelings for her is getting the best of your imagination. 2
Kelliousme Posted January 29, 2019 Posted January 29, 2019 She's your caregiver, as in she takes care of some or most of your daily needs because you need the assistance? Or is this some sort of maid thing that I'm unaware of. Where I live, you wouldn't be her boss but one of her "clients". But typically women wouldn't want a man who they'd need to take care of on a daily basis. If she confides in you then she most likely sees you as a close friend but not in a romantic way.
maxi105 Posted January 29, 2019 Posted January 29, 2019 hmmm...thynight, i have only read half of the first sentance i have fallen for my care giver....and the answer as others are saying is a clear NO! it isnt love im afraid, its a closeness and familliarity that has got intimate due to circumstances...nothing else sadle. do yourself a favour and ask for another care giver. you will be on one hell of a road to hurt, heartache and dellusion!!!!!!! not to risk damaging your health or any personal progress youve made on your health journey. this person does not feel the things you think they do, they are hopefully a professional person and is being professional in not encouraging this (and quite rightfully so). this person is in a position of trust and care, and knows that they risk their career for what is clearly infatuation, low esteem and projecting all the confusions of your situation and mixing up fantasy with what is actually real or likely. do yourself a huge favour and try to break away from this, and tell someone that you fancy them. if you dont there is a chance that this person will get transferred or wont feel comfortable around you anyway and that will hurt. the relationship between you (as in status is not relevent in anyway here...it is not a relationship or is probably ever likeley to be). sorry, but get out of this feeling whilst you can. unrequited love is painful at the best times...mix that up with care issues and procedures peoples jobs on the line and its one reciepie to real emotional TROUBLE!!!!! and it will be you who comes off the worse, regardless of what happens to her. please please move on from this and maybe ask the people at your care place to get you more socially involved with people that are going to be more suitable and good for you mentally and ethically. sorry its a fank one from me, but dont go there on this one... it is bad news for you my freind...real bad!!!!! take care maxiX
Author Thynight Posted January 31, 2019 Author Posted January 31, 2019 She's your caregiver, as in she takes care of some or most of your daily needs because you need the assistance? Or is this some sort of maid thing that I'm unaware of. Where I live, you wouldn't be her boss but one of her "clients". But typically women wouldn't want a man who they'd need to take care of on a daily basis. If she confides in you then she most likely sees you as a close friend but not in a romantic way. I am her boss because I hired her. What else would I be? And yes she mostly cleans. She is also my lifter when I shop as my back is shot. She does little personal care for me as I can still do it myself, but if I drop something I can not always pick it up.
Author Thynight Posted January 31, 2019 Author Posted January 31, 2019 Read up on a concept called transference. You don't love your care giver. It would be unprofessional for her to take up with you. This is a bad idea. Do nothing. Do not tell her. Suppress, suppress, suppress. Its not transference. It doesn't have the hallmarks of it and she does not do that kind of care for me. Mostly cleans. In fact when she is working we are usually not even around each other much anymore, only when she is off the clock and we are hanging out.
alphamale Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 sorry man, but she has you in the dreaded friendzone 1
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