GreenMama Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 Hello! New here! I am a middle aged woman who has been estranged from my brother for the last 7 years. The reason is complicated, but in summary, his wife is a classic narcissist and has driven a wedge between him and his family. Our parents divorced when we were teens. He has cut ties with my Dad (who always asks me if I've heard from him), he barely keep in touch with our Mom, and because of his wife's constant gas-lighting, she and I couldn't get past our issues, so, we haven't spoke in 7 years. It ended pretty ugly. I have learned from the mistakes I have made in this whole debacle, and I believe in second chances. But judging from my brother's behavior with my Dad, he is unable to forgive and move on. I also believe that his wife is a negative influence and maintains the negativity.... and likes it this way! My brother has a big birthday coming up and he's been on my mind. I want to reach out but I'm not sure if I should. I could send a card but then think should I even bother? Is it the right thing to do? Will he acknowledge the card? Will his wife intercept it before he even sees it? I could send a birthday text, but his birthday is the day my family and I are leaving for a big vacation...I don't want the added stress or wondering if he will respond or not respond. It has taken me years to heal from our fall out. I'm in as good a place as one can be. I don't want to resurface old painful memories, but I'd like to have at least a cordial relationship with him. Should I reach out, or let sleeping dogs lie? Thank you in advance.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 Yes, you should reach out in my opinion. As far as the birthday card, can you mail it to his work if you're afraid of the wife intercepting it?
Author GreenMama Posted January 28, 2019 Author Posted January 28, 2019 Unfortunately I don't know where he is working 1
SunnyWeather Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 It has taken me years to heal from our fall out. I'm in as good a place as one can be. I don't want to resurface old painful memories, but I'd like to have at least a cordial relationship with him. how about you text him and say why you are reaching out and ask if he'd like to meet. leave her out of it for now. 1
darkmoon Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 email him, a card is one thing, but email gives you a shot at full-blown communication and his wife cannot intercept it do not mention his wife, do not make him defensive... bromance him 1
Mr. Lucky Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 I could send a card but then think should I even bother? I think a card is a good old-school, low-risk, high-reward proposition. Print his address on the envelope and leave off any return info if you're concerned about interception. Other than the cost of a stamp, not a whole lot to lose... Mr. Lucky 1
justwhoiam Posted January 29, 2019 Posted January 29, 2019 I agree with darkmoon. Email him something that comes from the heart like: Hi [his name], Just know you're always on my mind, especially with your birthday coming up, even if we haven't been in touch for a long while. I'd be happy to see you, though I'm not sure if you want to see me. But if you do, if and when you're ready, please let me know. It'd mean a lot to me. Just the two of us. Happy Birthday Your sis [your name] /or simply your name 1
smackie9 Posted January 29, 2019 Posted January 29, 2019 Who said you had to send a text right on his bday. Do it in advance, like a week before. 2
Author GreenMama Posted January 29, 2019 Author Posted January 29, 2019 Great advice everyone. Thank you. I'd love to have the self confidence to write such a nice note, but I admit I'm afraid. Of what tho? Rejection? How much worse can it get, right? I gotta work myself up to it... 1
justwhoiam Posted January 29, 2019 Posted January 29, 2019 I'd love to have the self confidence to write such a nice note You should, at least you could say to yourself you tried your best. Keep it simple, and from the heart. but I admit I'm afraid. Of what tho? Right. Rejection? How much worse can it get, right? Exactly. I gotta work myself up to it... Definitely. We support you.
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