Leafeon Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 Hello. I am a bit of an antagonist in a situation with a friend of mine. In the beginning, I liked to flirt with him. I enjoyed it and he enjoyed it. There was a time when I might have felt some sexual and romantic attraction for him, but the romantic feeling died off fairly quickly and become only sexual. He has expressed an interest in dating me in the future, and I have mostly just been "meh" about it. In my head, I thought that when the day comes, we could be friends with benefits, but nothing more. And he seemed okay with that. However, things have changed. I no longer have sexual attraction to him. This is because I found out he was trying to get with another girl. I do not mind if he tries pursuing another woman, but I had been under the impression that he genuinely liked me. Now that I know his feelings for me were nothing special, all attraction has been completely lost. The problem is that he still wants to pursue some sort of a relationship with me, be it friends with benefits or actual dating, and I don't want either of those options. But I feel bad because I have a history of flirting with him and at some point I did say a friends with benefits situation would be nice. How can I tell him that I no longer feel that way? I feel like it's wrong of me to suddenly change my mind. It is not fair to him. I'm not sure what to do.
basil67 Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 "Sorry, I've changed my mind" You can change your mind at any time for any reason you want. If he pushes, and you feel like telling him, then tell him the exact reason you told us. You thought he liked you but found he was going after someone else and you lost attraction. If he gets sad or mad, remind him that if he'd been that keen, he wouldn't have been interested in her. 1
BaileyB Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 "Sorry, I've changed my mind" You can change your mind at any time for any reason you want. If he pushes, and you feel like telling him, then tell him the exact reason you told us. You thought he liked you but found he was going after someone else and you lost attraction. If he gets sad or mad, remind him that if he'd been that keen, he wouldn't have been interested in her. This is exactly what I would have said to you... be kind, but honest.
Fekenaws Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 The heart wants what it wants, simple as that. Rationally speaking you know what you're saying makes little to no sense, but logic doesn't matter when it comes to primitive functions like love and sex. Just "friend zone" him, stop flirting, and when he flirts just respond platonically.
stillafool Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 Well it's obvious you aren't the only one he is flirting with as he is also seeing another. I would just tell him you don't want to be his FWB anymore.
Author Leafeon Posted February 2, 2019 Author Posted February 2, 2019 Thank you for the replies, I have found them helpful. It has also helped me feel less guilty by seeing everyone's opinions on the matter.
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