Michael Waldon Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 okay, here's the score: this is a girl with whom i get along sooo well. Now, we both are getting over exes. We've decided to take it slow, but i think we have differing definitions of "taking it slow". first: she's said that she wants to me "just friends" for a bit, because: a. she has a BOYFRIEND (whom she doesn't like at all, and is, in fact, in the process of dumping) and b. she's still thinking about her ex. a lot. at first, i REALLY thought i was okay with it. but, now, we've transitioned and we're really kind of positioned RIGHT on that cusp between friends and being together, and i find myself pushing to be together. she hasn't dumped her boyfriend, which makes me feel like an ass. because i'm kissing her in HIS bed. but it's a weird situation, i guess. he really likes her, and it's abundantly clear that she doesn't like him. the relationship is mainly in his head (she tells me), but she hasn't dumped him yet. i think she might not want me to think that she's dumping him for me. am i out of my mind to push for this? we BOTH think we could really have something special. but it REALLY, REALLY bothers me that we're more than friends, but less than together. i almost feel like i'm just not worth it, and that if i WERE worth it, she would've forgotten about her ex when she met me, because that's exactly what happened to me when i met her. please help =/ i just freaked out at a party at her house for no real reason. i cried in front of her. i'm terrified of losing face in front of her, even though i think i already have. i'm freaking out. this is easily the most stressed i've ever been.
d'Arthez Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 As long as she is an exclusive relationship with her bf she cannot be in an exclusive relationship with you. You can continue to hang out with her, kiss her, and to wherever it may lead, but at the same time it will haunt your conscience quite a bit - and the farther you come, the more it will haunt you. If the both of you feel that you could have something special, what part of dumping her not so special girlfriend does not she understand? That is her responsibility, and not yours, nor her boyfriends. She won't decide if she can get from you what a relationship would offer, and at the same time the benefits from the current boyfriend. Whether it be gifts, extra attention, or whatever. I don't see much options other than withdrawing, and let her decide. Ask her to make up her mind. And as long as she has not made a decision and acted according to that decision (whether it be staying with her bf, or dumping him), there is no point in suffering from the guilt of her indecision.
Author Michael Waldon Posted September 17, 2005 Author Posted September 17, 2005 update: had a rough night, with me getting publically upset at her because she's showing some mutual "friends" naked pictures of her and not me. essentially, i realized that she doesn't care about me as much as i care about her. today, went over there, found her and my friend in the same bed (clothed). proceeded to get really, really pissed. she explains that we're just friends. i asked her to be romantically exclusive, she says she doesn't know. (P.S. the boyfriend is on the way out, and has been. the guy BEFORE him is the one that she's still obsessed with)
d'Arthez Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 (P.S. the boyfriend is on the way out, and has been. the guy BEFORE him is the one that she's still obsessed with) Okay. So she is in the process of breaking up with her current boyfriend, but is still obsessed with her ex-boyfriend. Getting involved with her is a recipe for disaster then. Part of the shortcomings (without doubt there are more), is that the current boyfriend is not her ex-boyfriend. As long as she is obsessed with her ex, you would have the same shortcoming in her eyes. He is / was simply a rebound.And as long as she stays obsessed with her ex, it is impossible for you to build a meaningful romantic relationship with her. You would be inviting hurt, self-doubt and all kinds of pains in your life, if you were to become involved with her. Her behavior is far from inviting too. Her words do not match with her behavior, and ultimately it is her behavior that counts. Steer clear.
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