Bec231 Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 I have been seeing what I thought was a lovely guy for the last three months and felt like everything was going great. I felt like we had a lot in common and thought we were on the same page, often talking about the future. I guess I couldn’t believe my luck after a couple of previous dating disasters and had no reason to doubt anything. Things started off slowly for the first couple of weeks but progressed quickly after that. We just never had the official chat but I didn’t feel the need to. We were very coupley when we were together and he made it seem like he was really interested. I saw him just before the new year and again everything seemed great. The problem was over the next couple of weeks he was moving into a new house and knew he would be busy. I tried to leave him to it, but he became quite distant and went from being quite thoughtful and caring to making me feel like an inconvenience (I’m not sure he meant to and I didn’t say anything so he probably had no idea). I put it down to him having a lot on with his house but felt really rubbish, I didn’t want to push him so I just kept quiet. He continued for 3 weeks to act like he was still interested but still distant until last week when he text to say he didn’t want to mess me around anymore but he though it might be a good idea to leave things. He said he clearly didn’t have the time for serious right now. I know it hadn’t been long but I can’t help but feel really upset and like I’m not getting the full story. I haven’t even seen him to speak to him so I’ve not got any answers. I know there’s not really anything I can do but I guess I’m hurt that he led me to believe it was going somewhere and had already started to get serious. We also talked about things we wanted to do together. I know I probably sound pathetic but I just don’t understand where things went wrong. Part of me wants to believe he has just freaked out as he has had a lot on and things we’re moving quickly but I just don’t know. I really liked him and had really started to fall for him. Why can’t men just be honest, it’s the not knowing which is the worst.
PRW Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 We just never had the official chat but I didn’t feel the need to.That was mistake "part 1". We were very coupley when we were together and he made it seem like he was really interested. That was mistake "part 2" Do not act like a couple until you are a couple, and you are not a couple until you talk about it an agree to it. That is like trying to go to a job and report for work because you kinda felt like you were hired but no body ever actually hired you. Why can’t men just be honest, it’s the not knowing which is the worst.I'm sure there is enough blame to go around, but you have to be careful to not enable someone's bad behavor. Acting like couples before you were actually a couple and not dealing with that properly caused the situation to have no real boundaries and no real "rule of engagement", if that is a good term for it. So it created a fuzzy unclear situation. Men can often be honest, even brutally honest, far more than women can, but you have to give them an environment to be able to exercise that honesty within. This means "ask them". Ask a direct question and you get a direct answer, but you have to do this while things are going smoothly rather than waiting till things are a mess and they become much more sensitive to hurting your feelings because they want to dodge the drama.
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