When dating, when would you bring the "kids" topic on?

[golden.peach]

Hey darlings,

 

I'm curious if I recognize any of you since I was a member quite a few years ago

 

Anyway - I'm in my late 20's and started dating again after a recent split. I haven't dated in 5 years or so and I'm curious about the "etiquette", especially when it comes to children.

 

This is because I had a lot of men acting surprised or even being off-put when I mentioned I don't want any children. I don't even think I can have kids, due to a medical condition.

 

The conversations I have with others aren't forced or anything; all of the topics come naturally. I'm usually very sincere and direct, I think there's no point in hiding anything - but their reactions made me wonder if I'm approaching this wrong

[SophieG]

Hey darlings,

 

I'm curious if I recognize any of you since I was a member quite a few years ago

 

Anyway - I'm in my late 20's and started dating again after a recent split. I haven't dated in 5 years or so and I'm curious about the "etiquette", especially when it comes to children.

 

This is because I had a lot of men acting surprised or even being off-put when I mentioned I don't want any children. I don't even think I can have kids, due to a medical condition.

 

The conversations I have with others aren't forced or anything; all of the topics come naturally. I'm usually very sincere and direct, I think there's no point in hiding anything - but their reactions made me wonder if I'm approaching this wrong

 

I’ve sometimes brought up the subject before the first date and other times, on the first date. I want kids, it’s important to me (if I can’t, that’s a whole different story). I want to know right away if that’s something the other person wants, because if it’s not, or he’s bot sure, I won’t waste my time.

[smackie9]

It's not the norm for a woman to not want kids, and most people want a family. So ya you are going to have a bit of a struggle with that. I had the same problem, but I did manage to meet someone that was OK with it eventually. 3 weeks in I had the talk with my now common law husband, and he was OK with it. I gave him a chance to walk if he was set on having kids. He stayed and it's 29 year later .

 

I have had negative reactions from people over the years, calling me selfish and all that. But hey it is what it is. You will find someone who is OK with it, or already has kids and doesn't want anymore. Just keep doing what you are doing.

[Curiousroxy86]

Hey darlings,

 

I'm curious if I recognize any of you since I was a member quite a few years ago

 

Anyway - I'm in my late 20's and started dating again after a recent split. I haven't dated in 5 years or so and I'm curious about the "etiquette", especially when it comes to children.

 

This is because I had a lot of men acting surprised or even being off-put when I mentioned I don't want any children. I don't even think I can have kids, due to a medical condition.

 

The conversations I have with others aren't forced or anything; all of the topics come naturally. I'm usually very sincere and direct, I think there's no point in hiding anything - but their reactions made me wonder if I'm approaching this wrong

 

Keep doing what you doing. I think the conversation should come up

Organically. Just make sure if it's online you check the profiles. If they say they want kids in their profile then don't respond to their messages or proactively message them.

[Wallysbears]

When I was dating, I was very clear that I wanted marriage and children.

 

If a guy didn’t, that was a non-starter and I wouldn’t date them.

[Kitty Tantrum]

If I ever needed to find a new man for some reason, I'd be disclosing all of that stuff résumé-style before the first date even happened. I think a lot of the typical advice to not talk about certain things until you've gone on a certain number of dates is really stupid. How much time and attachment do you want to invest in getting to know someone before finding out you aren't actually practically compatible? For me the answer is absolutely NONE.

[edgygirl]

I'm a woman but appreciate when men put on their dating profile they don't want kids. bumble has a form for that, so it's easy and friendly. It helps weed out the incompatible people. There are tons of men who don't want kids so I don't think it's a taboo subject nor will you have issues finding someone. They are more on my age group though, 40-50. Not sure what men in their 20s would think about it and if there are as many who already know don't want kids in that age group.

[Arieswoman]

I don't see how this is a problem?

 

 

When I was in my 20's and dating my exH I was very clear I didn't want kids and gave him the chance to bail if he wanted. He didn't and the marriage lasted about 8 years.

 

 

When I was divorced and dating most of the divorced men I met already had kids, so they didn't want any more.

 

 

 

As long as you are upfront about it I'm sure they will appreciate the honesty.

[smackie9]

Well there you have it...put it in your dating profile to weed out those who want kids, and not waste your time explaining it on the first date.

[alphamale]

no, you're not approaching it wrong

[alphamale]

When I was dating, I was very clear that I wanted marriage and children.

 

If a guy didn’t, that was a non-starter and I wouldn’t date them.

 

what if the guy said yes to wanting marriage and kids just to get you in the sack?

[Insoc]

I was chatting with a woman on match who was 35, I'm 50 and she asked me about kids and was only the 2nd message from her, she wanted to know because she wants kids, part of the screening process.

[golden.peach]

Thanks everyone for your opinions!

 

I guess I'll keep doing it my way and be upfront about it.

 

I keep away from online dating and I think that, combined with the idea that the ”norm” for women is to want to have kids (like smackie9 pointed), makes guys surprised.