LauraXX Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 Just got back into OLD after going through a terrible heartbreak. I'm still not over it tbh, but I have the feeling that in this stage after the break-up, it might actually help me to meet somebody new. So... met a guy for a 1st date last Monday. Most spontaneous date I ever had. We matched on Tinder, realized that we're basically neighbours, met for a drink in our corner bar 10 minutes later. I'd usually put some effort into my outfit & makeup before a date, but that happened so quick that I didn't have the time for that. What a weird, spontaneous date, but it was really nice talking to him. And he was much more attractive than his blurry profile picture suggested. I had the feeling that he was a little bit put off by the fact that I have a kid (but I might have imagined that). Anyway, we didn't kiss or anything like that and I wasn't sure if he'd ask me out again. But he texted me the next morning, said that he'd had a great evening and asked me if I wanted to go out again next Saturday. Yay! I didn't hear from him all week. On Friday I texted him "We still up for tomorrow?" No reaction from him. I was mad (also disappointed tbh) and made other plans for Saturday. On Saturday (yesterday) evening he texted me "I'm SOOOO sorry for getting back to you so late. Family emergency - I had to drive up to my parents' place. Will you give me another chance and go out with me next week?" Ugh. Not sure what to reply. I do want to see him again. But (especially after my experiences from last year) I really can't deal with being treated like a doormat again. And I don't believe for a second that he didn't have the time for a quick "Change of plans" message before Saturday evening. That is so rude! What should I text him that doesn't make me sound too grumpy but also shows him that he has to step up his game with me?
frus69 Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 "Kinda busy next week. Rain check" but dont counter offer him. If he asks you out again after this, give him another chance.
Art_Critic Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 He asks you out then ignores your text about still being on then says family emergency...they call that being the backup plan... Don't talk to him again... what an asshat... The bad treatment of you will continue... 1
Kelliousme Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 OK he had a family emergency/had to drive up to his parents BUT did he lose his phone? His fingers? He could've responded to your text OR even better, he could've give you a heads up when he found out about this so called "emergency". Bottom line is: this man isn't worth your time! Just play cool, be nice, and say something like "It's fine. Don't worry about it." Forget about him and move on 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 I believe in second chances if it's not a major deal breaker. I don't believe in third+ chances If I were you I would give him the opportunity to make it up to you. If he does it again ignore him for good and date other men 1
Arieswoman Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 OP, OK he had a family emergency/had to drive up to his parents BUT did he lose his phone? His fingers? He could've responded to your text OR even better, he could've give you a heads up when he found out about this so called "emergency". Bottom line is: this man isn't worth your time! ^^^^ this x100 Unless his mother had been kidnapped by ISIS or was bleeding to death in a gutter I call BS on this. Just be polite and say, "I'm sorry, but when you didn't call I, assumed you'd changed your mind and made other arrangements, byeee!"
Cersei Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say give him another shot. If there was a true family emergency (ex. family death, cancer diagnosis, etc.) then a girl he was one one date with was the last thing on his mind. Meet him once more but don't make much of an effort arranging it yourself. My concern is if you really are ready to date yet. If this becomes to stressful please consider more time for yourself before dating. 1
BaileyB Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 Because of who I am, I would take his word and give him another chance. But, it would be his last chance... 1
FMW Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 If you want to give him another shot, OP, then do. Just keep your expectations under control (as in don't have any). You're probably not really ready for anything too heavy anyway, so just look at it as an opportunity to have fun and get to know him better. Not as something that might lead to your next boyfriend. I agree with the others that he gave a lame excuse. If the thought of taking another chance on him makes you nervous then don't do it. He definitely doesn't get any more passes on flaking. 1
Mrs._December Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 (edited) On Saturday (yesterday) evening he texted me "I'm SOOOO sorry for getting back to you so late. Family emergency - I had to drive up to my parents' place. Will you give me another chance and go out with me next week?" Don't disrespect yourself and see him. This is a complete crock of crap. He simply got a bigger, better deal for Saturday night and jumped all over it. That's why he's now offering you 'next week.' I wouldn't waste another minute on this chump. Edited January 27, 2019 by Mrs._December 3
Juha Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 Hi, that is pretty poor and disrespectful behavior. He knew he asked you out and could have sent a quick text telling you what happened. I say based off of what you wrote about not needing to be treated like a door mat anymore after your last relationship I would next him. Better to be safe than sorry in your state. Unfortunately this is what you will run into online dating. Lots of flaky, disrespectful people there I wish you the best 1
ChatroomHero Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 Well the truth is he chose to ignore you all week. He didn't give you much of a thought. You texted him Friday, he read it, ate lunch, ate dinner, watched some tv, texted a couple of friends, probably made a call or two, spent awhile on facebook...all still knowing you texted him and he still chose not to respond. Then, Saturday evening he texted you with a retro-active excuse and one that makes very little sense at all. Not to mention whatever the emergency was, it was not so bad that he already knew Saturday night that it would not affect his next week. So did he drive up Friday night or Saturday morning? Either answer leads to the question, why didn't he call or text you Friday night or Saturday morning when he knew he was cancelling on you? What was the emergency that precluded him from texting you? Can you think of any emergency so time consuming he couldn't respond to you before Saturday night, that would be resolved and not carry over into next week when he asked if you are free? Your only response should be asking him if he is joking about going on another date. Ask him on what planet does he think he can completely choose to blow off a woman and claim the ole' family emergency catch all and think it will work? Tell him he better stay with his family during this awful time where he had a sudden emergency that didn't allow him time for common decency and a return text, I am sure he must have several funerals next week and obviously won't be free for a text, let alone meeting up. if you are just putting yourself back out there, I would not recommend putting yourself in a guaranteed fail situation to get you back on your feet. Ditch this bum. 2
Author LauraXX Posted January 27, 2019 Author Posted January 27, 2019 Tell him he better stay with his family during this awful time where he had a sudden emergency that didn't allow him time for common decency and a return text, I am sure he must have several funerals next week and obviously won't be free for a text, let alone meeting up. Haha, I love that I wish I would have texted him that. No - as I said, of course I don't believe that he didn't have a spare second to send me a message. I personally would properly cancel a date even if I was being kidnapped or trapped in a fire. So yep - I'm definitely not a priority for him. But.... that's normal, right? We met only once and didn't text much before or after. We basically know nothing about each other and he's definitely not a priority for me after one date. I just don't want to risk catching feelings for him when he's apparently lacking basic good manners. So what I did text him in the end was simply: "What do you suggest?" (Didn't want to tell him when I'm available this week, didn't want to make any suggestions myself, didn't even want to address the whole emergency excuse. So that's all I could think of. Lame, I know.). We'll see. I might be willing to give him a 2nd chance depending on how he reacts, but he'd really have to make up for yesterday
ChatroomHero Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 So yep - I'm definitely not a priority for him. But.... that's normal, right? We met only once and didn't text much before or after. We basically know nothing about each other and he's definitely not a priority for me after one date. I just don't want to risk catching feelings for him when he's apparently lacking basic good manners. It's not normal for someone that is interested. I think a lot of people make the mistake thinking you had a good date, he seemed to like you and seemed to be nice. Then he or she flakes and ghosts on you. So they think somehow that it will be a one off...this is the time he is on his best behavior. That is his best behavior, so what is his he going to do when he doesn't have to try as much? He will flake and ghost again. Look at it like this...if he burped the alphabet during dinner and chewed with his mouth open on the first date, would you see his behavior and assume, well, it was the first date and other than that he was nice. He probably doesn't do that normally, I'll give him a pass?...Or would you judge him based on his behavior and think right away, this guy burps rudely and chews with his mouth open? So when he actually does something even more disrespectful to you like he did, why would you give him the benefit of the doubt? Judge people on their actions and not what they say. He flaked and ghosted and then didn't care enough about you to even give you an excuse that took more than 4 seconds to come up with. His actions are screaming, "I'm a guy that screws women over". Listen to him. I just think it is a bad way to get back in the game. You go out for date 2 or date 3 and you think, wow, I am really starting to like this guy and I am feeling better about my situation. Then bam! he flakes again and ghosts you. Now you're hurting worse and the fact is, you already knew he was going to do it again based on his previous actions.
preraph Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 Giving him the benefit of the doubt that he had a family emergency, this does not prevent him from texting you real quick. Why don't you find out for sure he isn't married. Do a background check if necessary. When they make excuses but still want to get together, they may be married or otherwise not single. Maybe that's why he blurred his photo. If you find out he is not married, then give him another date or two but if he keeps making you wait, dump him. Who needs it.
Author LauraXX Posted February 4, 2019 Author Posted February 4, 2019 (edited) Keep us posted girl Well, ...turns out a close family member died unexpectedly. And he does have a funeral to go to this week. Now I feel a bit bad for joking about that He apologized for his behaviour and asked me if I wanted to go out with him next Saturday. His actual words were (translating here...he didn't text in English): "Are you still interested in getting to know me better and want to see where this thing goes? I would really like to go out with you next Saturday." I replied that I have plans on Sat but could see him on Friday. No reply since (that was yesterday morning). What a deja-vu. Well, it's really horrible timing and he probably has lots of other things on his mind right now. But I do think a quick yes or no would be polite. I guess should just forget about him and if he does make an actual effort in a few weeks when everything is back to normal for him I can still reconsider. I actually went on another Tinder date this weekend but that was weird to say the least. It was actually a nice date in the beginning, handsome guy, interesting conversation etc. But he became very pushy when we were about to leave. Shoving his tongue into my mouth, trying to talk me into taking him home. That's just a no-go (not even talking about sex on a first date... I'm no saint by any means. But trying to talk somebody who is clearly not feeling it into sex...ugh). So definitely no 2nd date there. Ah, the joys of dating.... Really makes me miss my ex even more instead of taking my mind off him. Edited February 4, 2019 by LauraXX
Curiousroxy86 Posted February 4, 2019 Posted February 4, 2019 Lol just keep on dating hun. May have to kiss a few frogs along the way as they say. But don't mistake current circumstances as a reason to go back to a broken relationship. You can have feelings of missing an ex but it definitely doesn't mean you are meant to be together. So keep dating other men until one shows consistency and treats your right. Good luck girl.
ChatroomHero Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 Well, ...turns out a close family member died unexpectedly. And he does have a funeral to go to this week. Now I feel a bit bad for joking about that He apologized for his behaviour and asked me if I wanted to go out with him next Saturday. His actual words were (translating here...he didn't text in English): "Are you still interested in getting to know me better and want to see where this thing goes? I would really like to go out with you next Saturday." I replied that I have plans on Sat but could see him on Friday. No reply since (that was yesterday morning). What a deja-vu. Know what I noticed about funerals over the years? When someone close to you passes away, you might be sad but you don't lock yourself away and ignore people like in the movies. He might not be able to date, but normally people won't be like, "Sorry I ghosted you, wanna meet up this week?" and then ghost you again. They would either say, "This week isn't great, maybe...if you are available, but don't hold anything for me and we can try for next week if it doesn't work out...". They don't forget they owe you a cancellation or a confirmation. They don't completely shut down and if they do, they still would send you a text or call and say, "I'm sorry, not this week..." Even if he was the one planning the funeral and dealing with everything, he went to the store. He went out to lunch or breakfast a time or two. He watched TV. He read FB on his phone in bed for 1/2 hour. He texted friends. He had time to reach out but has ghosted you twice with one excuse, a close relative died. He may be sad, but his other interactions with you like he apparently ghosted you on a Friday to go to his parents house, then replied late on Saturday night and MOST IMPORTANTLY asked you out for the following week in the middle of his immense grief. This tells me the scale of his sadness does not = the reason he is ghosting you. If I were you, I would not keep the door open. If this is how he operates when something happens and he is still trying his best to impress you and show you his best side, how do you think he will treat you when something comes up and he is not in the early stages and trying to put his best foot forward? He will ghost you. I'd say just move on. He's ghosted you twice and really piqued your interest which should be a warning sign. This sounds like a "my grandmother died for the 3rd time" excuse.
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