How much contact should you expect when traveling

February 3, 2019

I think sometimes why we care about someone so much after only knowing them a month is because we’re really scared of getting back out there again. Once you meet someone you really like, even though you don’t know them well enough, the idea of having to get back out and finding someone you think is equally amazing is just draining.

Yep, very discouraging to think im going to be single for years now before I can find someone. I think that's also why I tend to hold on to whoever I date. Not to say I date a lot of people, but.I almost never breakup with someone. I really just want a reliable relationship so I never need to search again...

February 3, 2019

I think we find someone when we're ready to be found. I was single many years before my boyfriend, I was going on tons of dates, I was quite popular online, etc but it would never stick with anyone. Looking back I am thinking maybe deep down I wasn't ready. Then my bf came along and I didn't experience butterflies or infatuation but he was a gentleman so I decided to date him and see where it goes, here we are 3 years +. So don't give up, keep your mind open, don't rush into anything, if it's meant to stick it will.

What do you mean you were not ready? I always feel im ready lol

Your bf kinda sounds like my ex situation. When I met him there were no butterflies either but I can see he is a nice boy and I like him enough so I decided to date him. It was reliable, predictable, and I thought maybe that was what a relationship was supposed to be like .

We lasted 3 years, however my feelings for him were just gone in the end, I wasn't even sexually attracted. I didn't dump him though, I still cared. But he broke up with me. Oh well. So then I told myself, I still need that butterfly...lmao...

I just can't get it right.

February 3, 2019

Tbh frus69, I have a second thought and I don’t think you did anything wrong. You liked the guy. Things were going good according to you (even though I’ve seen some of your posts and there might be some incompatibility issues like he loves to tease but you don’t like to be teased). You wish to continue and hope for him to contact you. I think you were true to yourself and laid it out to him what you wanted. He didn’t go for it. His loss. I don’t think you should be discouraged by this experience. **** happens.

Keep going. Enjoy the experience but also ready to take the pain. I’m sure it’ll work out one day!

Also, I realised based on my expeience, I was better at selecting my dates and knowing who I would fall for and enjoy being with the more experience I have. Even though nothing has worked out so far but I felt that the more recent guys were always better match for me than the previous one for me, even tho we didn’t last. Improvement I guess haha

Edited February 3, 2019 by allofme

February 5, 2019

What do you mean you were not ready? I always feel im ready lol

Of course you think you are :-) After my 8th year single you'd think I was ready but I kept picking men that were unsuited for me, hot, handsome, edgy, thrilling with no second look if they had character or qualities. That behavior of mine meant I wasn't ready.

Your bf kinda sounds like my ex situation. When I met him there were no butterflies either but I can see he is a nice boy and I like him enough so I decided to date him. It was reliable, predictable, and I thought maybe that was what a relationship was supposed to be like .
We lasted 3 years, however my feelings for him were just gone in the end, I wasn't even sexually attracted. I didn't dump him though, I still cared. But he broke up with me. Oh well. So then I told myself, I still need that butterfly...lmao...
I just can't get it right.

It doesn't have to be all one or the other. Not growing butterflies for your ex over time was a red flag. I was not infatuated with my bf when I met him but after a couple of months I was totally crazy about him and I felt in love around 5th month. I would not be able to spend 3 years with someone I am not in love with. No butterflies at beginning doesn't mean they will never come, if they show up you're on the right track, if they have not showed up by 3rd month you let the guy go.

February 5, 2019

I kept picking men that were unsuited for me, hot, handsome, edgy, thrilling with no second look if they had character or qualities.

I always thought they have qualities they just don't want to settle with me. So I thought I'm just not what they want or something. Dont they all say " he wants a relationship just not with you"?

February 5, 2019

It's been more than a week now, still I haven't heard from him at all, my text was also still unanswered.

At this point I don't know if I should delete and bloke now, or still give him a chance and wait till he gets back, on the off chance that technology failed..

February 6, 2019

just move on

its your prerogative to start talking to him again if he comes back around

like for me in the nonexclusive dating stages I dont really get mad at guys who flake out and come in and out to be honest. because at the end of the day I am going to choose the guy who has been consistent. the flaky guy will more than likely lose unless he comes back around and stays consistent.

focus on the guys who show you consistency

if your not talking to anybody else and the flaky guy come around and you want to kill boredom then respond on your terms.

just dont sit around hoping he will come back around. dont sit around hoping he is going to make you his girlfriend if he does come back. dont stop dating other men.

February 10, 2019

To give you guys an update. Hes back, but still nothing. I decided to start tinder. And there I saw him. Shocking ,lol.

Very detailed profile, stating what he wants and likes, sounds really genuine, except..I told him lots of those things!!

I don't know how to feel now. He was using me as a learning progress? Wtf..I dont know since when hes been having the profile,maybe soon after he got back, maybe the whole time when he was seeing me.

I just felt like he planned all these,and I'm being played. All the exclusive talking, and all the things we planned to do, must be him lying. He must be feeling off way before his trip, but for some reason he decided to not tell me the truth, but act sweet and nice , for week after week, until he goes away. I dont know why the F he did that..

I'm just really pissed..not sure how to get over it..

Edited February 10, 2019 by frus69

February 10, 2019

I'm sorry. I know it sucks. Unfortunately there is too many guys that do this in dating which is why I stress not getting hung up on anybody that's not your exclusive boyfriend and even if he is you still have to qualify him over time.

When they talk that good sh*t smile gush say thank you flirt back and return his affections but think the whole time in your head "uh huh yea yea buddy let's see if you walk the walk for the next six months to a year for me to believe all that"

It's sad but it's jungle out there and we have to keep our wits about us not to get ate the eff up and spit out

You got this

February 10, 2019

I just never met any one who would pretend to be interested, for what really...

And what makes it worse is he doesn't even send a breakup text.

February 10, 2019

Sorry frus69.

I don’t think he was faking interested. I think he was interested and enjoyed spending time with you but I don’t think you guys are on the same page. You treated this way more seriously than he did and the talk you had with him (from what you wrote here) wasn’t really an exclusivity talk imo. He could clearly tell you were very serious and he backed off.

The problem is, once a guy started to ask you to hang out more than once a week, it’d be hard to cut that down cos they don’t wanna risk getting the “what’s wrong” talk from you or losing you as a result.

Similar thing happened to my housemate recently. He was seeing this girl frequently. Before he knew it, she was already planning a friends get together (they had mutual friends), she wanted to see him even more and wanted to make it official. He on the other hand was just not ready for a relationship as he’s still busy job hunting and doesn’t know where his life is going yet. And he couldn’t just ask her to cut down on meetups as she’s clearly into him and wants to take it to the next level. Eventually he had to cut her off.

February 11, 2019

I've heard so many "girls move too fast guys not ready " stories..so are those girls at fault?

Was I supposed to move slower and this may have worked out?

February 11, 2019

I also did a new Tinder profile just to pass the time as I’m taking a break from dating. Guy I was dating last month and met there changed his profile... he added things I wrote in mine!!! Which are not even characteristic of Tinder. Ughhh. Pathetic. I almost felt like matching with him again to call out his hypocrisy. And get my IP rights LOL.

So yeah I get you. Like it was said above, don’t trust anyone specially not in the beginning. Any date could be the last, that’s the truth. Get over him as soon as possible, it’s just a waste of energy to think about someone who ghosted you.

Edited February 11, 2019 by edgygirl

February 11, 2019

It’s not about something you did or didn’t do. Stop torturing yourself. Sometimes it’s not supposed to be. He was not that into you. It hurts to know but it will free you to find someone who adores you and will never leave you wondering.

I've heard so many "girls move too fast guys not ready " stories..so are those girls at fault?
Was I supposed to move slower and this may have worked out?

February 11, 2019

I also did a new Tinder profile just to pass the time as I’m taking a break from dating. Guy I was dating last month and met there changed his profile... he added things I wrote in mine!!! Which are not even characteristic of Tinder. Ughhh. Pathetic. I almost felt like matching with him again to call out his hypocrisy. And get my IP rights LOL.

So yeah I get you. Like it was said above, don’t trust anyone specially not in the beginning. Any date could be the last, that’s the truth. Get over him as soon as possible, it’s just a waste of energy to think about someone who ghosted you.

haha..yeah F them..the things he has on the profile, are totally what I had invited him to do!

February 11, 2019

I think it means we left a mark on them. But yeah F them royally. Next!

haha..yeah F them..the things he has on the profile, are totally what I had invited him to do!

February 11, 2019

I've heard so many "girls move too fast guys not ready " stories..so are those girls at fault?
Was I supposed to move slower and this may have worked out?

Well some guys don't move fast and easily scare lol. A lot of guys want it to be their idea when it comes to relationship milestone type stuff. Girls could get sucked into the rush and honestly guys will be the vary ones to suck you in that's what makes it unfair a lot of times lol. A guy gets all love bomby and because we think this is what he wants we take it and go with it and then the guy realize oh wait I want to slow down and the girl is like wtf? So I wouldn't say it's the girls fault. I just think it's a smarter move for women to slow down and be level headed because men can sometimes change their minds and do a 180. I do think some relationships a girl would have better chance in getting the guy if she choose to slow down and go with the flow and let him initiate. But that doesn't mean it will always work. He may still choose to flake or ghost no matter how chill she is because he is just an emotional unavailable guy.

Slowing down is for her benefit to see what type of guy she really dealing with

February 11, 2019

One thing I kept thinking is whether it was my fault and I ruined a potentially good relationship, by moving too fast, even though he initiated and I just followed.

Then again, i never asked him to meet my friends or family, never invited him to attend any big event as my plus one. all I did was inviting him to my place ,offering to make him some food or asking if he wanted to accompany me to the shops. are they really that outrageous lol

Oh and the exclusive talk.. well I was just saying I'd like him to be honest if he hooks up with other girls, of course i prefer him not to. Was I crazy for saying that? But I feel i have the right to know if he sleeps around after a month of seeing and sleeping with him? Not to mention for the sake of sexual health. And was I crazy for saying "I don't want you to hook up with other girls "? It's been a month after all, I don't it's crazy for me to feel this way?

February 12, 2019

Awww hunni you didn’t do anything wrong! When we said you scared him off, it was nothing to do with you! Unfortunately we live in a world where people come and go and a lot of people just see dating as a bit of fun times. Not everyone value commitments.

I know my case isn’t very convincing but if you rmb the guy I told you about. If he was that interested in me, he wouldn’t be put off by my texts especially now I reached out again and tried to rekindle the conversation. I don’t think I pushed him away or scared him off. I also believe there’d be guys out there who are better than him, more stable than him and can treat me better.

You really didn’t miss out on much tbh. If you’re still hung up on it, say sth like “I appreciate that this is not for you but you could’ve told me instead of leaving me hanging”

February 12, 2019

I honestly think this has more to do with the couple themselves. How often do you communicate now? Daily? Once a daily? Throughout the day? A few times a week?

My fiance and I talked everyday since the day we started dating and we've talked throughout the day. I've dated other guys where once a day was enough.

It really depends on the couple in the relationship.

February 12, 2019

Oh and the exclusive talk.. well I was just saying I'd like him to be honest if he hooks up with other girls, of course i prefer him not to. Was I crazy for saying that? But I feel i have the right to know if he sleeps around after a month of seeing and sleeping with him? Not to mention for the sake of sexual health. And was I crazy for saying "I don't want you to hook up with other girls "? It's been a month after all, I don't it's crazy for me to feel this way?

I understand where you are coming from. In your shoes of already sleeping with him I don't think it's an unreasonable request.

However

That request to be carried out requires two people to actually WANT that. Not unreasonable to you. But not desirable for him.

If he wanted the option to see what was out there and wasn't ready to be truly exclusive with you then that request could have made him want to see what was out there

He might have taken it as pressure.

That's not necessarily a bad thing if that is your standard. You should stand by your standards/boundaries and deal breakers. Anytime we set a boundary with another person they are either going to go along with it or not go along with it. Boundaries will either weed out people that won't respect them or bring in people that will respect them. That's what they are there for. So it's not so much that anybody is wrong per se. But I do believe there is a way to go about it to have better results with men. I stress better and not exactly guaranteed. Because again if you was the most chill go with the flow let him initiate type girl he still could have chose to ghost. So I wouldn't get to bent out of shape over this clown.

My only criticisms (my opinion so of course take it with a grain of salt) with that request is I would a) not sleep with him unless he was my exclusive boyfriend. b) if I did somehow broke my own personal boundary and sleep with him I would not expect exclusivity if he hasn't made it known that's what he wanted. c) let exclusivity be his idea but put his behind on a timeline. A guy gets 2-3 months to ask me to be his girlfriend or I will be ignoring him. d) made sure exclusivity and a boyfriend girlfriend relationship is one and the same. None of that we are exclusive but not boyfriend and girlfriend stuff.

But that's just me

In the beginning stages I'm really big on letting men choose you and choosing men that choose you.

But if you believe in initiating exclusivity talk it's fine just know that at the end of the day the guy has to truly want that. As I have said many times on here Initiating runs the risk of rejection. If you don't mind the risk then by all mean continue doing it. Some men won't mind and some men do.

Now I know your thinking "why couldn't he just tell me". Unfortunately some men are just cowardly lol.

February 12, 2019

I agree mostly with @curiousroxy86 apart from the no sex until exclusivity (I need to know if the sex is good before I waste any time ya know what am saying )

I normally wait for guys to indicate or hint they want to be exclusive (only exception being one of my exes. I was his first gf so he was very inexperienced). If a guy is ready to commit and into me, he normally at least makes his intention clear. Guys who send mixed signals and being all wishy washy (make you feel like you’re dating but you’re not sure if you’re dating or just ****ing because of some of the couply things you do and how often you see each other how much connection you have etc) were all hard no to me in my experience.

Funny enough those guys always popped back in my life after I’ve moved on. They were like “I’m ready to date now” and I was like “lol who the f do you think you are?”

February 12, 2019

Funny enough those guys always popped back in my life after I’ve moved on. They were like “I’m ready to date now” and I was like “lol who the f do you think you are?”

And you know what..I have been trying to move on and am talking to other guys now. Lo and behold I got a msg from him. Didnt take very long for him to pop back at all.

He apologised for the late reply because he has been tired. Yep, thats his excuse. But really I bet he just didnt have any luck with his new tinder profile

And for the first time I cant be bothered replying. Be proud of me girls. I'm moving on to better men.

Edited February 12, 2019 by frus69

February 12, 2019

And for the first time I cant be bothered replying. Be proud of me girls. I'm moving on to better men.

Yes! *high five*. You deserve better!

February 12, 2019

Good for you! Yeah it's rude to ignore someone... and then just expect them to be there when you feel like revisiting it.

I was texting with a guy once who did the "let down" properly. He and I had just started talking, but he decided to pursue something exclusive with someone he had been seeing before. He let me know this, said he enjoyed chatting with me, and wished me well. I wished him the same.

A month later he contacted me saying that things had not worked out, and would I like to chat again? I said no only because I had started seeing someone else, but I appreciated his honesty.

Compare that to another guy I had been chatting with, who disappeared mid-e-mail convo, then re-appeared 3 weeks later saying he had been "busy." ...Oh, okay. In other words, "it didn't work out with the other chick- are you still on the line?" Um nah.

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