Curiousroxy86 Posted January 30, 2019 Posted January 30, 2019 The assho*es I've met these years made me not trust my intuition anymore. Guys can be consistently good to you for a good 3 months then poof, gone back to the ex. Guys can tell you all the nice things they want to do with you then poof, completely disappear. Girl I know it can be frustrating. Just keep observing what a guys does and when he shows you that he is not giving you what you want then focus on someone else until you get a guy that consistently show you over time that he wants to be with you. Hang in there.
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2019 Posted January 30, 2019 Am I the only one who would find it annoying if a guy keeps checking up on me when I’m on my hols? (Boyfriend however is a different story) I'd be furious if some new person in my life pestered me while I was on vacation. One text OK fine. Bombarding somebody is never cool. However, the OP & this guy talked about her expectations before he left. Then she sent him one text to which he hasn't replied. That sucks for her. It's still not fatal yet, IMO. But he's not off to a good start. I mean how hard would it be to say "landed safely; I'll catch up with you in a few days"?
allofme Posted January 30, 2019 Posted January 30, 2019 I'd be furious if some new person in my life pestered me while I was on vacation. One text OK fine. Bombarding somebody is never cool. However, the OP & this guy talked about her expectations before he left. Then she sent him one text to which he hasn't replied. That sucks for her. It's still not fatal yet, IMO. But he's not off to a good start. I mean how hard would it be to say "landed safely; I'll catch up with you in a few days"? Yeah agreed. not harm seeing if he’ll text eventually at the same time slowly moving on
Author frus69 Posted January 30, 2019 Author Posted January 30, 2019 I’m actually in a similar situation. Not heard from this guy for days now after I said “enjoy your hols”. I just checked my messages with my ex who I was hooking up with. Neither of us were interested in each other romantically but we were friendly and the sex was great. We actually kept in touch every 2-3 days and that’s on the basis of us not dating. I just deleted that guy’s number. I still have our chat history but I’m gonna let him go. Hmm but you told him "let's talk when you are back" so why get mad when he's not texting you now? He probably thinks you only want to talk when he's back. I don't know wjat my guy is doing but I know he isn't going to a jungle lol if I have to think of a reason other than hes ghosting me, it would be he thinks international text message is expensive.. I'd be furious if some new person in my life pestered me while I was on vacation. One text OK fine. Bombarding somebody is never cool. However, the OP & this guy talked about her expectations before he left. Then she sent him one text to which he hasn't replied. That sucks for her. It's still not fatal yet, IMO. But he's not off to a good start. I mean how hard would it be to say "landed safely; I'll catch up with you in a few days"? To be honest, Thinking back of all his behavior I still find it really hard to believe he would ghost me. I mean why plan all the stuff and promise all the stuff if he never intends to do them? Im not gonna text him anymore for sure. In 10 days he's supposed to be back. Not sure if I should even bother asking what happened.
Author frus69 Posted January 30, 2019 Author Posted January 30, 2019 (edited) There's a very very slim chance he didn't have his international roaming on. If that's the case I guess he can't message me. However phone company these days have roaming on by default. Besides we talked about "texting" each other. So I don't want to pin my hope on this. Edited January 30, 2019 by frus69
Leojax Posted January 30, 2019 Posted January 30, 2019 I personally don’t expect that much contact, even in a LTR. I want my SO to enjoy themselves and if they really are they’re probably not on their phones all the time. I do however expect to hear from them when they get to their destination and to just check in one in a while (like every few days).
Author frus69 Posted January 30, 2019 Author Posted January 30, 2019 There's a very very slim chance he didn't have his international roaming on. If that's the case I guess he can't message me. However phone company these days have roaming on by default. Besides we talked about "texting" each other. So I don't want to pin my hope on this. No i take that back. Im sure he had it on because he goes on business trips overseas.
allofme Posted January 30, 2019 Posted January 30, 2019 No i take that back. Im sure he had it on because he goes on business trips overseas. Nah I wouldn’t buy the no roaming thing either. Again unless he’s going to stay in the middle of nowhere in a jungle or on a mountain or something, he WILL get WiFi or internet somehow. It’s hard to sag why he’s doing what he’s doing. One possibility is he met someone who really blew his mind and he is now spending time with her and forgot about you. This is just a wild assumption but happened to me before (I broke up with a guy I was seeing right after I met someone on holiday). I don’t mean to scare or discourage you. If the guy I’m dating met someone better, good for him. Ghosting however is just not on.
Author frus69 Posted January 30, 2019 Author Posted January 30, 2019 (edited) Text message is the only means of our communication by the way. so internet is irrelevant here. Unless he doesn't reply because he thinks roaming message is expensive, and he decides to just get in touch when he's back. But even that doesnt make sense because we have said we would text each other. It's been more than 24 hours now btw, and no reply. Thinking that he had planned all this( creating a big false image just to ghost me later) just feels so bizarre. He felt so real when we talked about cooking dinner, trying the new pizza place, or decorating his house when he gets back! But anyway im tired. Best to just move on. Edited January 30, 2019 by frus69
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 30, 2019 Posted January 30, 2019 Narcissists do this. And i sure haven't forgot when you first talked about this guy in other posts that made my warning bells go off. Not saying he is one for sure but guys who are narcs does that kind of crap. If he is one you are better off without him trust me.
allofyou Posted January 30, 2019 Posted January 30, 2019 I don’t think it’s expensive to send just one text telling you he’s safe etc. I wouldn’t call him a narcissist yet. The above situation I mentioned does happen. I have been in both sides of that situation before. Or maybe they just decided they went too hot and heavy and it’s not worth pursuing you anymore. It defo sucked. The fact that he left you hanging is a dick move considering you had the discussion to keep in contact. Yes move on move on.
Author frus69 Posted January 30, 2019 Author Posted January 30, 2019 Narcissists do this. And i sure haven't forgot when you first talked about this guy in other posts that made my warning bells go off. Not saying he is one for sure but guys who are narcs does that kind of crap. If he is one you are better off without him trust me. They do what? Giving false promises then deliberately ghost ? What do they get from this? Isnt he afraid the girls go crazy and go find him at his door or worse, his office?
Author frus69 Posted January 30, 2019 Author Posted January 30, 2019 I don’t think it’s expensive to send just one text telling you he’s safe etc. I wouldn’t call him a narcissist yet. The above situation I mentioned does happen. I have been in both sides of that situation before. Or maybe they just decided they went too hot and heavy and it’s not worth pursuing you anymore. It defo sucked. The fact that he left you hanging is a dick move considering you had the discussion to keep in contact. Yes move on move on. They were too hot on the girl and decided not pursuing anymore? I can't even make sense out of it lol
allofme Posted January 30, 2019 Posted January 30, 2019 (edited) They were too hot on the girl and decided not pursuing anymore? I can't even make sense out of it lol People easily get ahead of themselves. Dating is exciting. It’s fun. They get the high off you. It’s addictive. Then they went on holiday. Forget about things that happened back home. Or they cool down and step back. Think it’s probs not for them and they went too hot too fast. It happened to me once and I felt so guilty about it. I was way ahead of my feelings thinking it’s time to ask this guy to be exclusive. We did. Then I cooled down during our time apart and realised my feelings were less strong than I thought. I broke up with him right after I got back. That’s why it’s never good to go too intense too fast or see each other too frequently in the early stage. You were making everything happen all at once and then you realised you didn’t even know them that well or your feeling was not as strong as you thought it was as you spend more time together. I don’t think he did it on purpose. Edited January 30, 2019 by allofme 1
Author frus69 Posted January 30, 2019 Author Posted January 30, 2019 I thought you broke up with him cuz you met someone else during the trip? Nevertheless you didn't ghost him or just ignore his message
SophieG Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 I thought you broke up with him cuz you met someone else during the trip? Nevertheless you didn't ghost him or just ignore his message If you don’t hear from him when he’s back from his trip, THEN you can say he ghosted you! The guy is on vacation, give him a break. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 They do what? Giving false promises then deliberately ghost ? What do they get from this? Isnt he afraid the girls go crazy and go find him at his door or worse, his office? Look up narcissists love bomb, devalue, and discard And honestly regular guys can love bomb too When a guy love bombs he verbally writes a check his a** can't cash so to speak lol. When he is feeling good or with someone who makes him feel good he may seem all in at the beginning. Then does the slow fade when that new new wear off and they realize that their feelings is not what they really were.
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 They do what? Giving false promises then deliberately ghost ? What do they get from this? Isnt he afraid the girls go crazy and go find him at his door or worse, his office? I had been dating a man for 6 months when he flew out of the country for a holiday, before leaving he told me I was an amazing woman and he loved me. I never saw him again, he ghosted me. Why they do it? because they can. They enjoy the new relationship energy then poof, gone. I don't understand why you text him. Don't you want to know what he's made of? If so then sit back and let him reach to you. By texting him you've weaken your position and you're now full blown in that waiting game. Something to remember when you go back on the dating market.
toomanyquestions123 Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 he's such an ass to be honest. Even you are just freshly dating, it is rude not to reply to a message. It takes 1 second to type yes, i landed safe, thanks. I dont get why people here say he doesnt have to text you. Yes, he does at least, he should reply back because it is rude not to reply back at messages.
Author frus69 Posted January 31, 2019 Author Posted January 31, 2019 (edited) I had been dating a man for 6 months when he flew out of the country for a holiday, before leaving he told me I was an amazing woman and he loved me. I never saw him again, he ghosted me. Why they do it? because they can. They enjoy the new relationship energy then poof, gone. I don't understand why you text him. Don't you want to know what he's made of? If so then sit back and let him reach to you. By texting him you've weaken your position and you're now full blown in that waiting game. Something to remember when you go back on the dating market. 6 months? Jesus, were you not bf/ gf yet? How did you find out he ghosted you? Did you contact him and no reply? He didn't even give you a break up message? Edited January 31, 2019 by frus69
allofme Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 One of the main reasons why I suggested to this guy to only talk when he’s back was because I got burnt a couple of times by how guys could go hot and heavy the first one to two months and just withdrew right after. So far I’ve not heard from him for a week. Don’t even know when he’ll be back. Lol So mission accomplished I guess? it’s ok if you don’t want to multi-date but it’s something that you could consider. Multi-date doesn’t mean sleeping with multiple people. It’s just that you’re getting to know multiple people at the same time but not get too hung up on one. I’m gojng back to the scene once my crazy work schedule is over (I’m legit typing on the toilet here ..)
Author frus69 Posted January 31, 2019 Author Posted January 31, 2019 Did you ever ask him when he will be back beforehand? And before you write him off, would you write a last message? Something like " I decided it's not working" Just to put an end on it? Sometimes I feel pretty annoyed I feel like writing him" hey I know you probably changed your mind and that's cool. But ghosting is just a dick move". I know it wont change anything, I know he probably doesn't care about it, but it feels better to let it out lol
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 31, 2019 Posted January 31, 2019 Did you ever ask him when he will be back beforehand? And before you write him off, would you write a last message? Something like " I decided it's not working" Just to put an end on it? Sometimes I feel pretty annoyed I feel like writing him" hey I know you probably changed your mind and that's cool. But ghosting is just a dick move". I know it wont change anything, I know he probably doesn't care about it, but it feels better to let it out lol TBH I wouldn't send any text saying "it's not working out". If he ghosts you, he doesn't deserve a goodbye message. This kind of behavior deserves a deletion of their number and if they do text you, ask who they are. 1
Author frus69 Posted January 31, 2019 Author Posted January 31, 2019 I feel they need to be shamed by words for this kind of behavior. I literally told my guy on more than one occasion that dont ever pull the ghosting act, just tell me honestly.
Zahara Posted February 1, 2019 Posted February 1, 2019 I feel they need to be shamed by words for this kind of behavior. I literally told my guy on more than one occasion that dont ever pull the ghosting act, just tell me honestly. A guy that can easily ghost you doesn’t get shamed. They don’t care enough to bother themselves with such emotions. It’s onto the next. We project those feelings thinking they’d feel bad because that’s how most would. Unfortunately, if they don’t give two hoots about your feelings now, they won’t then. Best to just walk away if you determine he’s ghosted you. Block and move on. 3
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