How much contact should you expect when traveling

[frus69]

The guy im seeing for a shy month is going on holidays soon and i'm wondering what's the protocol here ?

Do I expect (almost) daily contact? Like, a lil bit update everyday, or a bit contact every 3or4 days is good enough?

I don't wanna freak out but I also want to see how much he likes me. Never been in the situation before so what's the norm here?

[PRW]

1. There is no protocol
   
2. Daily contact makes you a burden to him
   
3. How much he likes you isn't measured by how often he contacts you while he is on vacation.
   
4. You've been seeing each other less than a month, you should not even be considered BF/GF yet. Neither should owe the other one anything at this point and both should be free to potentially see other people, no matter if they actually choose to or not.
   

[d0nnivain]

Every few days max. You don't know him well enough to expect more. If you get more, great. If not, just be cool & see how he is when he gets back.

[Curiousroxy86]

If it were me...

 

If he not my exclusive boyfriend then I would expect nothing but just observe what he does

 

If he is my exclusive boyfriend I would expect my daily phone call lol

 

And in my experience guys as my boyfriend or as a suitor acting like my boyfriend and eventual became my boyfriend did make time to call even though they or I were on vacay

[frus69]

1. 
    
   
2. How much he likes you isn't measured by how often he contacts you while he is on vacation.
    
   

 

 

And in my experience guys as my boyfriend or as a suitor acting like my boyfriend and eventual became my boyfriend did make time to call even though they or I were on vacay

 

These make me more confusing now lol..

We arent in a relationship yet of course but I told him I expect exclusivity and he agreed. So...

[basil67]

These make me more confusing now lol..

 

The contrasting opinions are because you're wanting rules where none exist. (PRW is right that there's no protocol) Different people want and do different things. What's right for one isn't right for another.

 

One poster writes from stuff he's learned from books. The other writes from life experience. They are writing what works for them. However, neither of them has insight into what's right for you and this guy.

[frus69]

Maybe I should reframe my question to what's the minimum? He may not want contact everyday and that's totally understandable. But if I don't hear from him at all, I suppose thats not really acceptable is it?

[basil67]

Maybe I should reframe my question to what's the minimum? He may not want contact everyday and that's totally understandable. But if I don't hear from him at all, I suppose thats not really acceptable is it?

 

Again, there's no rule. It's about finding what you are both comfortable with.

[Gaeta]

I would not expect any contact from someone going on a vacation whether we've been dating 1 month or 1 year. You won't hear from him for a week? maybe 2? That's not a big deal just get busy with your own thing. Upon his return continue the relationship where you left it off before his vacation. Your happiness doesn't depend on a text from a man you've known 4 weeks. If you keep busy and away from your phone you'll be more appealing to him!

 

 

 

I went away 7 days during the holidays without my bf. I was SO busy! I was 10 hours away, the house was full of family, we went out skying, skating, shopping, we had big family dinners, we played board-games till middle of the night. I had NO time to chit-chat with my bf! During the day I had no clue where was my phone and didn't care where it was. I only checked my phone when I went to bed and it was too late by then to reply to text or to make a call. Vacation is vacation.

[Simple Logic]

The guy im seeing for a shy month is going on holidays soon and i'm wondering what's the protocol here ?

Do I expect (almost) daily contact? Like, a lil bit update everyday, or a bit contact every 3or4 days is good enough?

I don't wanna freak out but I also want to see how much he likes me. Never been in the situation before so what's the norm here?

 

Given you have dated 3-1/2 weeks, maybe 2 times.

[Gretchen12]

He doesn't need to check in with you. But if you have common interests and he enjoys talking to you, he's gonna want to share his experiences. If he has high hopes of more wonderful dates, he might text to set a date when he comes back.

 

If you get daily text that reads, hi how are you today? Same everyday. This is going nowhere even though he texts daily. If you get photos and info of your common interests (eg nature, concerts, games) that he is experiencing, this is really promising, even if only once a week. You need to click and be able to talk like friends for it to last. The meaningless daily good mornings indicate you have nothing in common.

[Curiousroxy86]

Maybe I should reframe my question to what's the minimum? He may not want contact everyday and that's totally understandable. But if I don't hear from him at all, I suppose thats not really acceptable is it?

 

You are just too cute lol

 

You decide what's acceptable and what is not

 

I personally think a guy I would call my boyfriend should call everyday and I end up with guys like that because I choose men who naturally called me everyday as suitors.

 

So figure out what's acceptable for you

 

Because your already kinda stuck on this dude your trying to fit boundaries that you think he can handle instead of determining what your boundaries are and having the lady balls to can him if he don't step up

 

So since I know you like this guy a lot and want it to work for now just observe what he does and see how it makes you feel. You can start to form boundaries off that for future reference

[Gaeta]

If he were on a business trip I'd expect texts and phone calls but on vacation? nah! not after only 4 week dating.

 

 

 

Where is he going and with whom? At this time of the year I suspect he's heading to a place warm with white sand beach..with buddies? You really REALLY should let him enjoy his vacations and not expect much communication.

[PRW]

Originally Posted by PRW

1. How much he likes you isn't measured by how often he contacts you while he is on vacation.
   

Originally Posted by Curiousroxy86

And in my experience guys as my boyfriend or as a suitor acting like my boyfriend and eventual became my boyfriend did make time to call even though they or I were on vacay

These make me more confusing now lol.. We arent in a relationship yet of course but I told him I expect exclusivity and he agreed. So...

There is no contradiction. The guy could contact you 5 times a day while on vacation and dump you as soon as he got home. At the same time he could like you perfectly well enough to start a relationship yet you might not hear from him till he gets back. Curiousroxy86 experienced and good "happy medium" between the two extremes, which is probably the most common thing you will experience.

 

You asked for exclusivity,...since he agreed then you are in a relationship and would be BF/GF. However you pushed for that very quickly and it may work against you later.

[PRW]

The contrasting opinions are because you're wanting rules where none exist. (PRW is right that there's no protocol)

Exactly

One poster writes from stuff he's learned from books.

I must have missed that guy's post

However, neither of them has insight into what's right for you and this guy.

I agree,...with reservations. I have "some" insight, just not as much as I'd like. I have insight from experience and education, but I don't know them personally.

[PRW]

I went away 7 days during the holidays without my bf. I was SO busy! I was 10 hours away, the house was full of family, we went out skying, skating, shopping, we had big family dinners, we played board-games till middle of the night. I had NO time to chit-chat with my bf! During the day I had no clue where was my phone and didn't care where it was. I only checked my phone when I went to bed and it was too late by then to reply to text or to make a call. Vacation is vacation.

There is also some benefit to each "missing" the other one. It makes meeting again more exciting. This works for both parties.

[frus69]

 

I went away 7 days during the holidays without my bf. I was SO busy! I was 10 hours away, the house was full of family, we went out skying, skating, shopping, we had big family dinners, we played board-games till middle of the night. I had NO time to chit-chat with my bf! During the day I had no clue where was my phone and didn't care where it was. I only checked my phone when I went to bed and it was too late by then to reply to text or to make a call. Vacation is vacation.

 

When you went to bed, did your bf send your any text?

[frus69]

You asked for exclusivity,...since he agreed then you are in a relationship and would be BF/GF. However you pushed for that very quickly and it may work against you later.

 

Not a serious exclusivity talk..I just said "I rather you not hook up with anyone while away." It doesn't mean we are in a relationship. I dont think I pushed it, I mean I can expect exclusive dating from day one if I want..

 

But I hear ya on the contact thing. I think I will lightly ask him hows everything going once every 3 or 4 days, if he doesn't contact me. Hes going for 2 weeks so I still think I'd like some message at least in 5 days.

[basil67]

You're worrying a lot about this in advance. Is this concern related to the state of the relationship?

[frus69]

Yeah you are right I am worrying in advance persicely because of the "relationship status", or lack of.

If we were in an established relationship I really wouldn't worry if he contacts me or not because I would have a sense of security and wouldn't need to judge his interest level

[Gaeta]

When you went to bed, did your bf send your any text?

My bf never did the 'morning and night text'. He's a caller. He likes calling at 8 am when he drives to work. When I was on vacation he called early but I was still in bed so I'd call him back when time allowed it sometimes it was 4-5-6 hours later. Some days he didn't call and I didn't notice. I don't think I initiated a call when I was away and I Love this man to no end!

 

 

 

Years ago I started dating a man 3-4 weeks and suddenly he disappears with no news. I didn't make a big deal it's common with online dating. About 3 weeks later he gives me a call and tells me he was away, sorry, etc etc. I did not over analyze it, if it's meant to be it'll be, him and I ended up 4 years together.

 

 

 

At the beginning be slow to judge. You don't know each other, exclusivity isn't a relationship, it's just an agreement to not pursue anyone else. He doesn't owe you to report back during his vacation.

[Gaeta]

Yeah you are right I am worrying in advance persicely because of the "relationship status", or lack of.

If we were in an established relationship I really wouldn't worry if he contacts me or not because I would have a sense of security and wouldn't need to judge his interest level

 

 

You worry about what? You invested 3,5 week in this man, you have nothing to lose, he's still a stranger. There is no sense of security under 3 months dating, accept it's how it is. If he text you while on vacation then nice, if he doesn't then no big deal. You're expecting too much too soon.

[basil67]

Thing is, this guy hasn't shown great form to date. Doesn't mean he won't get his act together, but I wouldn't be worrying too much about whether or not it will work out. I'd advise you put a 'wait and see' label on this relationship and not over analyse.

[frus69]

My bf never did the 'morning and night text'. He's a caller. He likes calling at 8 am when he drives to work. When I was on vacation he called early but I was still in bed so I'd call him back when time allowed it sometimes it was 4-5-6 hours later. Some days he didn't call and I didn't notice. I don't think I initiated a call when I was away and I Love this man to no end!

.

 

Just for the sake of argument, if your bf didnt call you at all during your vacation, would you not worry either?

[Gaeta]

Just for the sake of argument, if your bf didnt call you at all during your vacation, would you not worry either?

hhhmmm you have to remember my situation is different because my bf and I have been together 3 years. We don't worry about each other's level of interest. If he had not called at all after 3 or so days I would have. I would not call to check his level of interest, I would call to see how his week is doing. I would not doubt him or our relationship.