[Dumped - need help]

[illi]

hi, my first language is not English. so, if i say wrong words or bad sentences please forgive me.

 

in my country, people are not give a good supports when you need it. it's sad but true. also it is not a metallica song:) so i decided to write to you, which is i don't know and which is deeply believe in being a better friendship to me

 

i'm 21 and i'm gonna be a veterinerian, also can call me illi:)

 

i had a break up today. well, this realtionship has to much ups and downs. in epitome:

1. we met, with a coincidence, live different cities by the way, he never see a love from friends, family and other girls. he has no idea about love.

2. i gave my all love. i like to care and show it also say it. i run for him. he did whatever he wants, i was at home and waited for him all the time. he act bad, yell at me etc most of the time. but i just cried and shut up.

3. one day, after months, he told me he lied me too much, wanted to go a prostitute (his friend suggested him when we are in a relationship:) ) and talked his ex girlfriends

4. i broke up. he came. i forgave him. but never forget these things. this part, he were so perfect. stopped see that bad friend. became what i exactly i wanna see. but also i was bad now. had a heartbroken, he couldnt handle it. he broke up with me. for now, i was here for him. he wasn't there and did bad things. i could not forget when he were here for me. than he broke up with me.

5. we broke up for 3 months. that way, he went a vacation which is we were planning to go together. went prostitute for 4 times. met so much girls having sex without emotions, drunk too much alcohols etc

6. i just cried that 3 month. did nothing.

7. we get back together. 3 month later, i was another different city. had a new life with a school. so, we got back together and stayed 1 week:) break up again. he said, i cant do this to you, cant handle a love

8. after that broke up, 2 weeks later came back and begged to me. we got back together again, it was great. it has to be.. it didnt

9. i did everything. you know. i forgaved this time. showed love like there is no tomorrow. make him ok, not felt guilty. one day, he said i hurt you with my no balance, you are a barrier on my career etc.. he has no balance. really, angry all the time or nervous bec of work or himself, showed me a lot. i said im here for you. we can throw this. he said this is my problem stay away:)

10. next day, he wrote and said acted him like an idiot. i said ok. it has to be great now, god please..

11. it did not. we broke up for two times after chapter 9:) today is the last one.

12. i prayed yesterday to God. i said if it wont be ok, let him go my life God, i wont force it again. it happened

 

you know when we had a fight i get calm and get close to him. he usually run away.. well today he said i am so busy (bec work and school, we coulndt talked to much this week. he said i will have a time for you today and then fall asleep or doing sthing else. so i have a little bit sad and angry and told him that today. he will meet his friends and i said you can do it tomorrow, can we spend time together today? he went sleep, after he woke up he broke up:) ) go live your life.i am not emotional. i dont wanna be in a relationship. i cant do it anything. cant feel comfortable. yesterday different, today different; like somebody else said that.

 

i feel terribble. im not gonna talk about what have i done for him. did it bec of love. but did not deserve these. you know.. i just loved him. give him everything. in emoitonal way, sexual way; gave too much. i am so sensitive and dont know what to do. everytime he broke up with me it was so bad for me. i couldnt handle it.. no friends and family support about that. feel lonely, please, sbody say to me it will be fine and if there is a person, will find me..

 

please, help me.

[PRW]

This is all just messed up too much at this point.

 

You need to find someone else, and when you do find someone, you need to move much slower and do not become so attached so quickly.