Superbabe Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 My boyfriend of 21 months said to me “it takes me about 3 days to miss you” the other day and it’s been resounding in my head ever since. It this as rude as I think or am I being overly sensitive?
todreaminblue Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 hey, i feel that its not rude...and three days is not a long time.....if he had said a year...then yep that would be off putting...he misses you in three days.....its ok three days is just a stitch in time.......how long before you miss him?....deb
FMW Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 It wasn't a very sensitive way of doing it, but my guess is he was just explaining his togetherness needs. He's ok being without you for a few days, but after that he really needs to reconnect with you again. I don't necessarily see anything wrong with that unless there are other concerns. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to see you all the time, it's just that he's ok with it for a few days if necessary. 1
Author Superbabe Posted January 26, 2019 Author Posted January 26, 2019 I’m not sure who I’m replying to here.....nothing was being discussed, I had just walked in the door and he asked if I was staying the night. I just can’t imagine saying that to anyone. It’s really upsetting me. I am the one creating a little space between us and he’s the one always looking to get together but I think it’s more of a dislike of being alone than anything else.
preraph Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 There's people like that. But if you're wanting space, the "three days" comment shouldn't hurt you. He was probably being honest. And that's about twice a week, which is about normal for dating, I think. If people work or whatever. 1
mortensorchid Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 I have no idea what that comment means.
edgygirl Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 It means he wants to meet only twice a week - not everyday. Those are his needs. She might not like it but that’s where he stands. I have no idea what that comment means.
basil67 Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 nothing was being discussed, I had just walked in the door and he asked if I was staying the night. So you walked in, he asked if you were staying the night and before you replied he said that he only misses you after three days. There has to be more to the conversation than this. 3
Lotsgoingon Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 The comment and your upset about the comment don't make sense. What's wrong with missing you after 3 days? We don't have to immediately miss someone when we're away. Where did you get that idea? 4
Highndry Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 So you want space, indicating you're not missing him much, but you want him to be missing you the moment you leave? Color me confused, "Superbabe" (this nickname may or may not indicate an entitlement mentality of somebody who thinks they're the shiznit). 2
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 I’m not sure who I’m replying to here.....nothing was being discussed, I had just walked in the door and he asked if I was staying the night. I just can’t imagine saying that to anyone. It’s really upsetting me. I am the one creating a little space between us and he’s the one always looking to get together but I think it’s more of a dislike of being alone than anything else. Lmao that would rub me the wrong way on the inside too. Like I just came to see you and you asked if I was spending the night and then say "it takes you three days to miss me?" . Thing about men they will sometimes say how they really feel without tact not because they are trying to be hurtful but that they don't know how they come across. We may say things in a way to protect their ego but they don't always have the finesse to do the same lol. If I were in your shoes I would just let him initiate. It sounds like he was being blunt about how often he wants to see you. If he is an otherwise good boyfriend and you really don't have a problem with the frequency he said he wants to see you then I would let this go. People in relationships are going to say things you don't like. Choose your battles. If he is being out right mean and disrespectful there is a time to call him on his sh*t and breakup if he doesn't stand the hell down and there is a time to disagree roll your eyes and let it go. I would do the latter but I also would do my own thing and let him say when he wants to see me from here on out. I wouldn't play games and act all distant when he wants to see me. I would just let him initiate since he was the one being outspoken about his space and autonomy. This does not mean you have to drop everything for him when he snaps his fingers either. But if he says babe I miss you and I want to see you then you say "sure hun I will see you on xyz". Now if the frequency he asks to see you is or has become dissatisfying to you to the point you don't accept what he wants then you should speak up (only if you can't accept). If he basically telling you he only wants to see you two nights a week and you need to see a guy three nights a week then be up front "babe I know you said you need three days to miss me but it's important to me I get to see my boyfriend atleast three nights a week" see what he says. If he stands by what he wants you have no choice but to let him go (again if it's even a need for you and you cannot accept his boundary. If it's not a need and you can accept I wouldn't quibble) 1
TheFinalWord Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 (edited) I haven't read the other responses, but my initial reaction is he might be subtly telling you, he needs some space. He doesn't have a chance to miss you. I would back off a little bit and give him some space to miss you. It comes across as rude, but if that's what he is thinking, instead of getting offended, think about that he might be trying to communicate something to make the relationship better. There's no easy way to tell your partner, you're not giving me space, because it sounds like a break up. Edited January 26, 2019 by TheFinalWord 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 It takes me way longer than 3 days to miss anyone.
CollinW Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 Seems like you're being dramatic. Why is it okay for you to implicitly put space between you to but it's a problem when he's explicit? Should he be offended by your actions? 1
Interstellar Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 three days is better than three weeks Isn’t it? Have you spending too much time together? it means “we spend too much time together that we need to cut back because familiarity breeds contempt. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you or care about you less but I still do love you very, very much. We just need to do our own thing once in a while so when we get back together it’s more exciting and fun.” I’ll send you the bill.
Simple Logic Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 It means he is a man and when he is away from for 3 days he comes to the realization he hasn’t seen you for 3 days and misses you. Pretty normal for men.
BaileyB Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 It means he is a man and when he is away from for 3 days he comes to the realization he hasn’t seen you for 3 days and misses you. Pretty normal for men. I would say, this is probably something my boyfriend would say. When I text him that I miss him, he usually responds with “I know.” I tease him that the socially appropriate answer is “I miss you too.” When I ask if he misses me too, he will say something like “I just saw you yesterday...” We have different feelings about “missing” each other... 1
Gaeta Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 My boyfriend worked 2 jobs all week so I didn't see him. Last night when he came over I said wow I have not seen you all week! did you miss me? He answered *no, didn't have time to miss you* I was not offended one bit lol. Him not missing me for a few days has nothing to do with how much he loves me and how much I am important to him. 3
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 It takes me way longer than 3 days to miss anyone. Ditto......
preraph Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 So you want space, indicating you're not missing him much, but you want him to be missing you the moment you leave? Color me confused, "Superbabe" (this nickname may or may not indicate an entitlement mentality of somebody who thinks they're the shiznit). That's certainly what it sounds like! He can't please her no matter what.
preraph Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 Only the idle have time to sit around missing someone. People who work and have a crazy schedule probably miss downtime most of all, and then if they get that, they miss some company. 1
elaine567 Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 I’m not sure who I’m replying to here.....nothing was being discussed, I had just walked in the door and he asked if I was staying the night. I just can’t imagine saying that to anyone. It’s really upsetting me. I am the one creating a little space between us and he’s the one always looking to get together but I think it’s more of a dislike of being alone than anything else. As you are the one who wants to see him less, I guess he took a bit of a pot shot at you there.
smackie9 Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 Here's my take on it. Some guys are putz's when it comes to communicating. This was his strategy to say "Don't get offended but I want to be able to have some ME time. You know, to do my own thing, so when I see you again things will be refreshed, like feeling excited to see you again."
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