Benrec Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 Hello! I started talking to this girl from Tinder on snapchat for a few weeks now.. we've talking back and forth and actually she suggested we should meet up. We arranged that she could come over to my house we make dinner next weekend. Shes 22 and Im 27 btw. So.. today we were talking a little and it turns out shes going out drinking with a few girlfriends and Im also going out drinking with a few guy friends. She said that Oh, maybe we will meet up tonight? And then it turns out we are going to the same club so we deff gonna meet up. But now I am actually feeling nervous about it all. I think it is easier to meet up sober and alone than in a booming club full of people. I do have a bit of social anxiety and get stressed in clubs like this, get in my head and then I have problems holding a convo. Also sometimes getting too drunk and i dont want her to get the wrong impression.. Do you guys have any tips for me to get in a more relaxed state of mind? I can already feel I am not gonna be present in the moment and I can feel my head is going blank tonight..
Garcon1986 Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 Getting too drunk is unacceptable unless you want another drunk woman. Drinking a little bit is OK if it helps you control your nervousness, but if you think you can't control yourself, don't do it. If you want to meetup in a club, then go to a part where it is quiet enough that you can hear her talk (maybe right outside the front door)? In order to not be anxious, you can prepare a few talking points ahead of time, such as what she likes to do for fun, what gets her excited about life - stuff you would also ask a new friend. What makes it a hot hot flirting sexy mama conversation is the touching, staring in the eye, and mild physical escalation. The only way to get over the stagefright of talking to a hot girl is to do it a lot. Start with the philosophy that she is not a lolcat, she is a hoooomin just like you, with wishes, desires, favorite TV shows, and the common need to go to the loo. Then get to know her. That's it. Rinse and repeat if it fails, never let a woman mess with your emotions to the point that you give off the vibe of being unstable. Women don't want to date unstable uranium nuclei. Women want emotionally solid men. 1
Author Benrec Posted January 12, 2019 Author Posted January 12, 2019 (edited) Getting too drunk is unacceptable unless you want another drunk woman. Drinking a little bit is OK if it helps you control your nervousness, but if you think you can't control yourself, don't do it. If you want to meetup in a club, then go to a part where it is quiet enough that you can hear her talk (maybe right outside the front door)? <snip> Normally I can control the drinking, its just when it comes to situations like this I know its easier to take a few to many to relax the nervousness. It strange because I can talk to random girls at a bar without huge difficulties, but meeting up a girl Ive been talking to for a few weeks I find more nervewrecking. Thanks for the pointers. I will try come up with some fun interesting things. Its just that I feel many of these questions are weird to ask actually. I just hope she dont ask me to dance, lol. Because I know she loves to dance and I hate it more than anything. Lmao Edited January 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
Wallysbears Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 I hate the idea of a club scene first date. Maybe make brunch plans for tomorrow instead?
alphamale Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 make up some story to get out of the club night. it will be a very bad venue to meet a girl for the first time. 1
Geraltt Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 I second Wallybears' post. Clubs are a lousy place for a first date. They're too loud, there's to much posturing and peacocking going on, etc etc etc. By all means, if you meet her there, fine, but don't make that your "first date." Brunch the following day is a great idea. And easy on the sauce. Sure, enjoy a beer or scotch or even two, but getting shiotfaced isn't the way to make a good impression.
Author Benrec Posted January 12, 2019 Author Posted January 12, 2019 I hate the idea of a club scene first date. Maybe make brunch plans for tomorrow instead? I know.. but I dont see it as a date really. It was more or less a coincidence that we are going to the same place tonight.. Its too late for me to ditch now because I never cancel plans with my friends. I will try mostly focus on just having fun and try to "forget"her untill I meet her there.
PRW Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 I started talking to this girl from Tinder on snapchat for a few weeks now.. we've talking back and forth and actually she suggested we should meet up. You are starting out on the wrong foot here already. After a few weeks you still never managed to make a date,...worse yet, she had to do it for you. This will ruin her impression of you over a short time. She went ahead and made the first move this time because she probably runs into this issue so much that she just threw up her hands and said "I guess I gotta do what I gotta do". But it won't last. We arranged that she could come over to my house we make dinner next weekend.I like this type of date, but only after a month or so. Never on a first date. So.. today we were talking a little and it turns out shes going out drinking with a few girlfriends and Im also going out drinking with a few guy friends. She said that Oh, maybe we will meet up tonight? And then it turns out we are going to the same club so we deff gonna meet up.Bad idea. This is not a "date". This is meeting a girl you haven't yet even been on a first date with, that you are already on edge about, in a group setting, in a building full of "cock-blockers". I can already feel I am not gonna be present in the moment and I can feel my head is going blank tonight..This is why you should never spend "weeks" chit-chatting with texting or social media before setting a date. You burn up all the subjects of things you could be talking about in person on the date. It also makes you look weak and timid in not making a date after a few messages passed back and forth,...her attempting to make the date shows that she felt she was forced to, which doesn't look good for you. I think the best you can do at this point is to come up with a reason you can't go to the bar and tell her that you really look forward to seeing her next week. It might be good if in that same conversation you set a specific date between now and when you were going to meet next week. Make it a very clean and simple dinner date. Unfortunately, I think you have already made the bed you are going to have to lay in and the chances are high that you will never get that first date.
alphamale Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 Unfortunately, I think you have already made the bed you are going to have to lay in and the chances are high that you will never get that first date. I would agree PRW
Author Benrec Posted January 12, 2019 Author Posted January 12, 2019 Yeah but really we aint been talking that much so I dont k ow her much. It will be interesting tonight and Ill post how it went tomorrow. Too late to back ou4 now
smackie9 Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 Have a couple of drinks, meet her, and take her onto the dance floor. Be fun. 2
Wallysbears Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 Here is what you do: Send her a note and say you want to take her to brunch tomorrow. Tonight? Tell her she looks great and smile. Buy her and her friends a drink Go have fun with your friends and get out of there quickly
preraph Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 She'd be crazy to be alone with you at your house or hers on first meeting. Crazy. She'd have to be really naive and foolish to do that. If you are so anxious you can't meet her and her friends at a bar, why would you expect her to agree to meeting a guy in private like that?
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 Do not pregame, whatever you do. Instead watch or read the news for non controversial current events. Read some articles about how to have a conversation. Think up 5-10 open ended Qs based on stuff you already know about her, understanding that you can't really hold a conversation in a club. Meet her. Buy her a drink. Dance a bit & stop over thinking it. Remember this is not really a date. It's more like a fortuitous coincidence
Author Benrec Posted January 13, 2019 Author Posted January 13, 2019 Allright. So Ill update you guys on what happened tonight. I went to the bar. She kept texting where I was all the time. I met up with her. Gave her a big hug and we started talking. I was not very drunk. She was not so drunk as well. We had lots of fun. I was dancing a few times with her. Everything looked good. She was very touchy, and we kissed a bit at the bar. I asked her to come to afterparty at my place when the bar closed. She was a bit sceptical, but I told her that if she wants she can come, if not she can ofc do whatever she wants and go home if she wanted to, cause I dont want to pressure her to come. She eventually said yes and joined the car with me and my friend and we had fun,kissing a bit in the car, but when we got to my place now, she changed her mind, said sorry but she want to go home now. Ofc I am a bit disapointed now, but I just brushed it off with her and said ofc, she can do whatever she wants and I kissed her goodbye. I aint sure why she didnt want to come. If she dont like me or just afriad of moving too fast. I felt a bit gutted when she suddenly said no and left me alone after saying yes the first time. My friend also changed his mind about afterparty so msybe she felt weird about me and her alone drunk? Whats your input? She is not interested and just being polite?
preraph Posted January 13, 2019 Posted January 13, 2019 You're moving way too fast on her. Whatever your intention is, she probably rightly assumes you are wanting sex already and it's too soon for her. You just met! I think because she was who suggested meeting, you thought that meant she was up for a hookup. Nah.
alphamale Posted January 13, 2019 Posted January 13, 2019 She is not interested and just being polite? she's not interested AND being polite
Author Benrec Posted January 13, 2019 Author Posted January 13, 2019 Ait. I'll just back off and see if she makes any contact and maybe set up a date. If she aint interested this is fair, but she was way more touchy, and flirting than I was at the club. At times she was almost all over me without me making a effort. I dont like to feel i am pushing people for anything (relationship, sex, etc) so thay why I told her that ofc she does whatever she want to do. I do think its strange if shes not interested, but oh well. I will just see what she does the next few days. Its strange because it.seemed like she changed her mind really at the last minute. Oh well. If she breaks contact now I guess I just have to try find someone else. Too bad.
Garcon1986 Posted January 13, 2019 Posted January 13, 2019 There's always a new bus in 15 minutes mate, rinse and repeat. 1
preraph Posted January 13, 2019 Posted January 13, 2019 Just because someone touches and kisses you doesn't mean they're ready to have sex. What's the hurry?
edgygirl Posted January 13, 2019 Posted January 13, 2019 (edited) Something felt off for her. Maybe she was expecting an after party with many people and when she realized it was only... you... the after party suddenly seemed like "let's have sex". I'd run too. I hope she didn't think that was the plan all along. If she did, forget about it. but when we got to my place now, she changed her mind, said sorry but she want to go home now. My friend also changed his mind about afterparty so msybe she felt weird about me and her alone drunk? Whats your input? She is not interested and just being polite? Edited January 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote 1
basil67 Posted January 13, 2019 Posted January 13, 2019 Sounds like it started really well. And I'm sure she changed her mind about the after party because it became apparent that there was to be no party. 1
chillii Posted January 13, 2019 Posted January 13, 2019 Oh brother , 27yrs old you kidding me, get your damn ass down there.
d0nnivain Posted January 13, 2019 Posted January 13, 2019 She didn't come in because she didn't want to drunkenly end up in your bed. Discretion is the better part of valor Ait. I'll just back off and see if she makes any contact and maybe set up a date. She's not going to reach out. She thinks you were only interested in quick meaningless sex. If hooking up was not your intent prove her wrong. Reach out to her & set up a mid week public date with no sexual expectations on your part.
Wallysbears Posted January 13, 2019 Posted January 13, 2019 She is smart. She didn’t want to go to an “after party” when she just realized it was two semi-drunk guys and her.
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