I'm not sure what to think of her

[ConcernedBro]

I'm not sure if this is the right section to put this on. I have a brother who I look up to, who when growing up, was quite ladies' man. I'm not sure what he sees in his fiance, but let me explain their story and maybe you'll see where I'm coming from.

 

 

A few years ago when I was 18, and barely out of high school, My brother who was 21 at the time was driving with me, and while we were at a stopped light, we saw this extremely beautiful Asian girl going inside a well known "shady" Asian Spa, where nasty men would go to get a "massage with a happy ending." Ever since he's laid eyes on her, I knew that's all he thought about. I told him that she's a pr*stitute, but we both questioned if she was the new girl there. For several weeks, he would bring her up in conversations, and one day, he decided to actually go there. I thought he was bluffing, but was shocked to find that not only did he go visit her, come to find out that he had an elaborate plan to break her out of there.

 

 

 

While I still at the time lived at home with my parents, my brother actually was lucky and had arranged a deal with our uncle to rent one of his nice homes with the intentions to buy it (rent to own). One day when I went to visit him, I saw her there and asked what happened. Apparently when he went to that spa and paid her in cash (these places don't accept plastic), he had previously printed out a piece of paper that he took with him that had several lines in various Asian languages asking the same thing "I can help you leave, I have a place you can stay, so you don't have to be here anymore" and she told him in broken English to come back Midnight, and basically she left with my brother while tripping the security alarm at the place (luckily they didn't get caught but my brother sped off).

 

 

My brother invested a lot into this girl. Apparently she was on some very heavy drugs, and she had the worst withdrawals, and my brother had to lock her up when he was at work, and would spend several hours afterwards tending to her and comforting her. When he helped her overcome her withdrawals, he began to seriously teach her English and after a couple of years we had learned that the Spa owner helped trafficked her in, and had sexually assaulted her and forced her into those drugs and she began selling herself to the men who came in to get those drugs.. and some of them actually raped her pretty bad. My brother then began investing in counseling for her. It took quite some time for her to overcome a lot of these things, but slowly a romantic relationship began to blossom between the two.

 

 

I was shocked to find out that my brother was dating her and I asked if he knew she was clean and he said yes, thank god she is, because he took her in to get some blood work done and the tests came back negative. One day when I was hanging out with them, we bumped into the Spa Owner who was a pretty big guy (6'3 280lbs of fat) became very aggressive when he recognized her and threatened to hit us if we didn't give her back. After some shouting back and forth between my brother and the Spa Owner, the guy went in to push my brother and my brother punched him in the nose and we bolted. Thankfully we never saw the guy again.

 

 

I tried a few times to get my brother leave her, help her get back home, but he didn't want to let her go, and apparently she liked living with him. We had a few fights here and there, but I just couldn't get him to see that she was used goods and emotionally damaged deep down inside. There were times where I wanted to get her deported, but by the time I finally wanted to act on it, it was too late, my brother found someone who was able to pull a lot of strings and helped her get a Working Visa.

 

 

Eventually my brother helped this girl get a few good friends, and got her to be active at the gym with him (he felt she was way too top heavy because she was 110lbs and had a DDD bust but literally had no butt and scrawny legs), he got her into a high protein and high calorie diet and had her do lots of leg and glutes exercises where she ended up putting on 12lbs of muscle there. Not gonna lie, she's quite the head turner and a lot of men check her out, and my brother gets a lot of kudos and props for being with her.

 

 

My brother had me swore to not tell our parents about this girl until when he felt the time was right. He introduced her to them and my dad congratulated him on doing such a good job landing a solid 10. I've often wondered how my parents would have felt knowing she worked at one of those spas!

 

 

 

My brother this entire time spent quite a bit of money on her! From jewelry, to the clothing, to the medical tests that I mentioned, to her counseling and personal trainer.. it's outrageous. Anyways, she's became infatuated with him as well, since last year ever since she's been working, she's been buying him clothes, watches, bought him an X-Box One X, been showering him with gifts..

 

 

What bothers me is knowing that this girl has sucked off different guys, and I can't believe my brother even kisses that mouth. It just makes me feel like throwing up. I hate how she's become such a big part of the family this past year and she tends to hang out with my mom and has also gone out with my female cousins. I just feel like everyone would treat her differently if I revealed the truth about her...

 

 

Anyways, this last Christmas my brother popped the question to her and they're due to be married during Fall after she becomes legalized this summer. I just don't know what to do since my brother could pick other girls if he wanted to. He never, back in high school and in college had issues picking up chicks. I just don't understand why her.

 

 

Anyways if any of you can give me advice on how I can snap my brother out of it, or give me advice on what to do, that would be greatly appreciated.

[AriesDude]

I once insulted my brother's fiance. Had to break his nose to stop him from killing me. Moral of the story...brotherly love is not always stronger than DDD's and nice legs salted with love/a yearning to help a damsel in distress.

After all. Most men are born with the instinct to protect women. At least that is what decent men are taught.

 

Whether or not your brother is wiser than you or not doesnt matter here.

He made his choice and he seems happy from how i read your thread. Killing or even just trying to sabotage their relationship could end badly for you. I get that between moral and ethic values you feel anything from your brother is being used or will be used.

 

Thing is, it's his choice and if pushed he will weigh her thoughts over yours any day. Though I doubt your brother didnt consider so many aspects of all the things that could go wrong if she ended up going the other way. But yeah my advice, discuss your worries with your brother in private. Even if you feel like telling your family what she is really like, discuss everything with him before you decide what you want to do and if you can maybe accept her one day. Good luck

[Mrs._December]

Do you understand what sex trafficking is?

 

Some of these women are literally kidnapped off the streets, held hostage and sold to others who force them to be prostitutes. Other are promised a good job or a good opportunity but when they show up for it, they're basically led away like sheep to the slaughter and handed over to someone who holds them hostage and sells them into sex slavery. For some, they're forced into it by their families to pay off debts.

 

There are a lot of horrifying reasons for why this happens, but no woman volunteers for this 7th circle of HELL.

 

A lot of them have drugs forced into them to make them more pliable but more so, to make them dependent on their captors for their next high - which means they don't try to escape.

 

Some are told they can 'buy' their freedom for a certain price, but when they're able to save the amount, the price is just made higher by their captors, so they can't leave. Most are threatened with death or bodily harm, and a lot of them are told if they do try to escape, their families will be harmed or killed.

 

What bothers me is knowing that this girl has sucked off different guys, and I can't believe my brother even kisses that mouth.

You must be the type who blames the woman when she's raped. This type of incredibly narrow-minded thinking is why so many rapists get away with their crimes - the victims can't deal with being shamed by the narrow-minded who think they somehow asked for it or brought it on themselves.

 

You're blaming the victim.

 

The statement you made about this poor woman "sucking off other guys" is about as completely and utterly repulsive as it gets. Shame on you. The horrific abuse she's suffered at the hands of others will forever be burned into her brain and into her nightmares. Being a guy, you'll never know or begin to understand the painful, humiliating, degrading and abusive horrors constantly visited upon innocent women like this young lady JUST so men can get their jollies with them while their captors make a buck providing it for them.

 

You want advice on what to do? Educate yourself on this topic and read or watch some real life documentaries of women who have been unfortunate enough to get captured by the filthy hands of sex traffickers. Maybe after that, you'll hopefully find your missing empathy.

[Orokotikki]

Once he is married the deportation worries should be gone. Hopefully your brother will go the authorities and get that place shut down.

 

Butt out of your brothers life. He has to live with her, not you. He will never thank you for anything you do to hurt his relationship.

[Wallysbears]

Not your life, not your future wife, not your business.

[Orokotikki]

If you do want to be a good brother, just be there for him when and if stuff goes wrong.

Anything you do to alienate her will drive the two together and away from you. And likely affect your extended family in a painful way, 'picking sides'.

[Ruby Slippers]

Some men don't care how checkered a woman's past is if she's hot. They often get burned and learn a hard, expensive lesson.

 

You won't accomplish anything by interfering. He won't break off his engagement just because you don't like her.

 

You can express your opinions, but ultimately you'll be better off supporting him and being there for him if things do eventually crash and burn.

[norudder]

Do you know anything about her as a person? At all?

She sounds like a person with the character to break from a HORRIBLE situation when there was a chance, to persevere through everything it took to start over and work towards a better life. She could've left your brother, gone back to drugs and or prostitution voluntarily (to be clear, people who are trafficked are NOT in those situations by choice). She didn't.

 

She sounds very strong and has shown loyalty to your brother. She also has shown reciprocation to him, not selfish taking only.

 

What exactly about her as a person makes you think she isn't good for your brother? The image of her sexual experiences (under duress by the way!)?

 

Would it be any better if she was a sorority college girl who had just as much sex, by choice, but you just didn't know? I think not. If anything that would say worse about a person's character. He should be with a virgin or what?

 

Do you get the sense it is an act to get a green card and she'll leave him? Have you seen any indication she's insincere?

 

From your own description they are happy together and treat each other well.

 

Regardless of your opinions, let your brother live his life if your relationship with him means anything to you. If you end up being right about whatever your concerns are, I hope you won't derive pleasure from it but be there in continuing support for him.

[ConcernedBro]

Thanks for all the replies. To be more clear, my brother bought the jewelry around the time where she was very depressed and was showing signs of self harm when she was taking those counseling sessions. He felt it would have helped her feel more special and beautiful since she felt she was broken and flawed.

 

 

I will admit, I was worried that after he helped her get the working visa that yes, she was going to leave him, and I was hoping so bad, that that would happen, but it didn't and she just began buying him a lot of stuff.

 

 

I have talked to her about why she just doesn't want to go back home, or at least visit her family and it was revealed that her single mother (father died), tricked her and sold her in order for her siblings to survive.

 

 

 

I just don't want my brother to be "that guy" and marry a ex-prostitute. Ya it sucks what happened, but I would have never in a million gone to those extremes to rescue a morally corrupt character like that.

[Wallysbears]

She's not a prostitute. She was a sex slave it sounds.

 

The difference is that one is done willingly while the other is forced.

[norudder]

She's not morally corrupt. Her parents were.

[Grey40]

What’s your problem man? Your brother loves her and cares about her and wants to be with her. Doesn’t matter what you think and you shouldn’t worry about it. It’s his life. As long as they treat each other right, there’s no issue. You’re worried because she was with other guys in the past? He’s been with multiple women too, you can’t be mad about that, it’s life. Most people have had multiple sex partners, not everyone you meet is a virgin. It’s easy to tell why you weren’t a ladies man, because you care way too much about stuff like this. .

[preraph]

To me it sounds like he saved a girl from sex trafficking. unless you see her taking undue advantage of him financially and continuing to act like a prostitute, I would just accept her.

 

additionally the place she was working needs to be reported to the police and FBI. There are thousands of Asians being sex trafficked out of massage parlors and nail salons and other places. Blow the whistle on them.

[edgygirl]

OP feels it’s going to reflect badly on himself. And his family. Specially if people “find out”.

 

But he has to accept that he cannot change his brother’s feelings towards this woman. He should find a way to accept it no matter how hard it is for him as he used to “look up” to his brother and he feels disappointed about his choices.

 

I also don’t love one of my sis’ live-in boyfriend but there’s absolutely nothing I or our family can do about it - she broke up with him several times but she always goes back to him. I decided to accept reality instead of fighting it.

 

What’s your problem man?

[smackie9]

Your brother is taking a huge chance recusing her. Individuals that are in organized crime don't take it lightly, someone taking money out of their pockets. He might end up dead or brutally beaten for his troubles. I tell you right now, they are still looking for him.

Edited January 26, 2019 by smackie9