Curiousroxy86 Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 I just need a game plan on what to do. I want to apologize and make this better. When we talked Thursday night he was I was like do you not want to hang out anymore and he was like ughhh like didn’t want to say no didn’t want to say yes. He was like I need a day to process this thing I need this weekend. we gave you a game plan (leave him alone and date other men) and the fact he was like "ughhh like didn’t want to say no didn’t want to say yes" take that as a no. men that like you and want to continue talking to you will do so because they want to. women can screw up sometimes and be a little needy or be a little b*tchy or do something embarrassing and the right guy still sticks around because when people like someone people have a like bias lol. think about a two guys you meet. one you like and the other you dont like both doing something you may not approve of (like the guy your stuck on now lol) yet you still want to give one a chance and the other you dont despite the behavior dont like. why? because you like one and not the other. when people like someone we give them a pass for their flaws and behaviors (even when we probably shouldnt). so stop trying to do things to get a guy to like you when he is showing you that he likes you less. the best thing you can do at this point is move on. if he likes you he will come back around. if not another another man will. just pleeeeease dont wait on his behind.
JuneL Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 Men who love bomb are either really inexperienced or just want to have a casual fling with you.
Author whatwhit Posted January 26, 2019 Author Posted January 26, 2019 I know I’m probably reading into this but he looked at my insta story. He’s never done that before. Thanks everyone for your advice!
Versacehottie Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 we gave you a game plan (leave him alone and date other men) and the fact he was like "ughhh like didn’t want to say no didn’t want to say yes" take that as a no. I would take it a step further and say it's a "not yes" or "not yet" not necessarily a NO. Of course Curiousroxy is right you should behave and you always should have as if you are not boyfriend and girlfriend yet because you are not. I don't get why when a girl needs "time" she is supposed to get it or the guy is an a** yet when he needs it there is no compromise whatsoever, which doesn't mean he doesn't like you/doesn't want to be with you, just that he's not going to do it on your arbitrary (to him) timeframe. Your strongest power is that if he is not ready to decide then you are not ready to leave a space of time and in your heart for him. Doesn't mean that you cut him off totally, just pull back. If you had more going on in your life, you might be thrilled that he is off in vegas for the weekend because you might have felt like you were losing yourself anyway (much like he is probably feeling). You're kinda holding him to relationship standards of contact, progression while at same time faux agreeing to take a step back when you obviously aren't ok with it. You went right from where he said he needs some time to think about it (because you demanded an answer basically of "do you want to be together or not"), to jumping to if he doesn't give me an answer that must mean no. I don't know the ins and outs of this guy (like if he's worth it etc) but i can tell you that your approach won't work with the majority of guys who are worth anything. Seems very anxiety driven to me. No need to jump to wild suppositions about what he is doing in vegas. Good luck
Author whatwhit Posted February 2, 2019 Author Posted February 2, 2019 Update for anyone still interested! So he messaged me when he got back. And was like, hey so I don’t think we are in the same mind space on this. I think we are at two different points looking for two different things. He did still have my $60.00 vodka so we made arrangements to get it yesterday. It was my jobs conference so I was looking extra fancy. We tried to plan it days before but couldn’t get things align. Adding that in there cause I don’t want ppl to think I strategically think I planned that. So I see him he gives me a compliment and says I’m looking fancy. He like looking at me slowly walking away cause he knows I want to say something, and then I’m like ok can I talk to you LOL redic. I go on to tell him I think we got off to a weird start and that I feel like he got the wrong impression of me, and that is what bothers me a lot. I am not a possessive control person. He could ask all of my exes. I can be territorial but not possessive. And he was like you got mad at me cause I went to Vegas. And I was like this is where I think you didn’t understand what I was saying. I wasn’t mad at you for going to Vegas I just found it odd all week you said you were sick and then you were going to Vegas. And I don’t know I just feel like he wasn’t listening. I asked him if we could be friends or just take things slow. And he was like have you been on dates with other dudes ( I guess he asked that to see I’m really ok with casually dating ) and I said yes ( I really have been on other dates ). He asked if I was lying eye roll and I said no I swear to god. In between these conversations he kept taking long pauses and I was like why do you keep doing that? And he’s like cause this is stressful and I was like it doesn’t have to be stressful ( I didn’t feel stressed at all I was just trying to communicate with him ). And he was like idk I’m sure these are small things that are bothering me and first impressions are hard to ignore. And he was like I think I just need time. Whatever that means. I told him idk maybe I’m weird cause I can usually let things go. So. That was it we hugged he told me have a good time at my event and I left. Maybe we can try again in the Summer I always have better luck in the summer vs. not anyways. And I feel like most guys I’ve encountered have come back around. Law of attraction I don’t know lolol.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 2, 2019 Posted February 2, 2019 Well, at least now you know he doesn't want to continue seeing each other. Onwards and upwards. 2
Versacehottie Posted February 2, 2019 Posted February 2, 2019 Well i think he's trying to get you to be on his back burner or let you down easily. Neither of these should be ok with you (based on what you were doing really isn't casual). He's going backwards and that's not a good sign. I hope you learned something for yourself with this experience. It also doesn't matter if you "say" you're not a controlling person, you need to act like one. I think his point would be that you are trying to be the boss of him with monitoring when he tells you he is sick yet rallies to go to vegas with his buddies. Not your business if he does that. You "let" him do his thing and make it crystal clear that when he does you lose interest in him by pulling back NOT rushing in (if he is bailing on you to do it) OR let him breathe if he's normal about it. That's just life stuff for real with anyone. He was obviously trying to slow things down with the sick business. And even if he really was sick--who wants to hang around with a new crush when they are sick anyway--so you should have just dropped it. A simple "feel better" would have sufficed and then go date those other guys! have let him come back chasing you. BTW, the questions about you dating other guys was him searching for an ego boost from you. I think he still got it even though you told him you were dating others. And i don't care about $60 vodka--it could have been $500 bottle of champagne, you shouldn't have gone chasing after it. Funny how "things didn't align" to get it back, huh? Even if you got it eventually, one one hand he knows you were pushing to get it sooner rather than later to see what's up with you guys. By getting it back or making contact with him regarding it, you have now removed one thing he could have chased you for to "get back to you". If you would have shut him down, i think he would have EVENTUALLY used the vodka as a reason to be in touch/see you. And that would have been when he was a in a good place mentally about you. More leverage for you. There's something to be said for some patience. Anyway good luck in the future.
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