Author whatwhit Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 I guess should I not expect him to respond? I pinged him on our work messenger and he’s on green which means he’s available and didn’t say anything. I said “ I hope you have fun in Vegas! Don’t let it turn into the hangover movie, actually second thought do it and if you do be sure to have some video recordings of it “
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Why on earth would you send that on work messenger where your bosses can read that? If he called out sick & they find out he's going to Vegas, he will get fired. Don't use work equipment to advance an office romance.
Author whatwhit Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 We talked about Vegas on our work ping - we’ve talked about way worse things on work ping before lol. So I don’t think that’s the issue.
Author whatwhit Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 He didn’t call out sick they’re going after work
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 We talked about Vegas on our work ping - we’ve talked about way worse things on work ping before lol. So I don’t think that’s the issue. My advice wasn't about why he wasn't responding. My advice was generalized life / employment advice. Understand that your employer reads all that & it could be grounds to fire you. 1
Grey40 Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 We talked about Vegas on our work ping - we’ve talked about way worse things on work ping before lol. So I don’t think that’s the issue. Don’t get your hopes up on this dude. Doesn’t sound like he’s very interested at this point. Doesn’t really matter the reason. If he contacts you great at this point I would just move on and let him come to you, if he does then you take it from there. If he doesn’t, you don’t waste time worrying about it.
Author whatwhit Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 He has my very nice bottles of vodka I got as a Christmas gift. How do I go about getting it back?
Grey40 Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 He has my very nice bottles of vodka I got as a Christmas gift. How do I go about getting it back? You don’t take back gifts. It’s just money, forget about it. It’s not a big deal, next time don’t spend so much on someone that you’re not that serious with. Lesson learned 1
Author whatwhit Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 No this was a gift someone gave me. Not a gift I gave him. I brought it over to his house once weekend
Versacehottie Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 You don’t take back gifts. It’s just money, forget about it. It’s not a big deal, next time don’t spend so much on someone that you’re not that serious with. Lesson learned This^^^ What am I missing? In the course of this thread, did you just decide to dump him? For what refusing to fall for an abnormally smothering pace? Come on, girl you are better than this. Why not create some of the life you are searching for other people? Go somewhere with your girlfriends, immerse yourself in a hobby. And don't let anxiety get the best of you. Good luck
Author whatwhit Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 Thanks everyone for the feedback. It sucks I really liked him. He perused and genuinely seemed interested. And I ****ed up and wish I could go back. Sucks how things can be so cut throat sometimes because I feel like I’m a pretty forgiving person. I know apologizing to him right now would come across even more needy. So I may send him one more text late next week really apologizing, and if he doesn’t respond well that’s it. There’s other guys out there for me. Just a sucky situation. But looking at the other side of the coin I’m not sure I’d want to date someone who can’t communicate and just ignores me when I’m obviously trying to make the situation more light hearted. Off to have a more adventurous weekend.
h0000 Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Can you think of anything I can say to redeem myself and I guess when we do talk what can I say to savage things I think any thing you say is gonna come off desperate now. Best not to say anything anymore. Not even next week. Just nothing anymore unless he contacts you 1
Author whatwhit Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 Thanks everyone for the feedback. It sucks I really liked him. He perused and genuinely seemed interested. And I ****ed up and wish I could go back. Sucks how things can be so cut throat sometimes because I feel like I’m a pretty forgiving person. I know apologizing to him right now would come across even more needy. So I may send him one more text late next week really apologizing, and if he doesn’t respond well that’s it. There’s other guys out there for me. Just a sucky situation. But looking at the other side of the coin I’m not sure I’d want to date someone who can’t communicate and just ignores me when I’m obviously trying to make the situation more light hearted. Off to have a more adventurous weekend.
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Look him not wanting to respond at work before he leaves is not fatal. He may have enough sense not to talk about this over messenger & he may want some distance. See what happens when he gets back. You still have to work with this guy so don't go boiling any bunnies. Had you mentioned the vodka before I would have told you to work it into the message: Have fun in Vegas, when you get back we can celebrate with the rest of that [brand] vodka I left over at your house. At this point you need to assume you are not getting the vodka back.
FMW Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Don't say anything else, don't send him any more texts or IMs at all. I think that will only make things worse. It gives him more reason to worry that you are too clingy. I know you really like him, I'm sorry you are bummed out about this. But try really hard to put your attention on something else. Go out with friends and flirt with other guys! 1
Author whatwhit Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 We talked about the vodka thing before this whole mess so he knows I want it back. And I’m sure he’ll be reminded of me every time he sees it. It’s in a huge basket. So ball is in his court.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Just let the guy be now, OP. You're overly worried about fixing something with a guy you have no clue is even right for you. He will be in touch if he wants to see you again. In the meantime, figure out where these insecurities and clingy behaviour are coming from and create a plan for yourself to address it. Breathe. Chill. Otherwise, the same will happen in the future. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 Girl. I'm not going to lie. You did a lot of things I wouldn't do and wouldn't recommend women to do with a man that's not your boyfriend. You can't cry over spilled milk. So what I would do if I were you right now is date other men. I wouldn't wait for him to come back from this trip and hope he "picks me". Eff all that. If he does want to continue dating then it's your prerogative to give him the opportunity just don't wait for him. And he definitely wouldn't be the only guy I talk to. Now I'm going to briefly say what I think you should not have done and also give what I would do instead. Just my 2 cents. 1) if a man your dating and not yet exclusive with express a desire to not see you for any reason I wouldn't jokingly or seriously call him out. I would just say ok and make other plans and let him initiate when he wants to see me and then let him know when I am free (if I'm free because I would be dating other men). 2) if he cancels once saying he is sick "ok I hope you feel better". If he cancels twice saying he is sick but going to Vegas I would say "ok have fun" but he gets ignored (because he is not my boyfriend and possibly a flaky suitor he doesn't get the courtesy of a breakup explanation) and again...I would date other men. if he wants to know why I'm ignoring him thennnnn I will tell him "you seem like a great guy but you canceled twice on me and I want to see a guy that makes time to see me". If he wants another chance then I will give him one but it would be his last It just sounds like you got all girlfriend on him before you were actually his girlfriend that's all. 2
Versacehottie Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 I agree with curiousroxy above ^^^^ I would add that "breaking up with him" or stopping dating him because you are upset that he is doing his own thing when you are not yet a couple and asking for the vodka back is going to confirm his fears about getting to close and in a relationship with you and be the final nail in the coffin. It's too much drama and clinginess that frankly most guys wouldn't put up with in these initial stages. So yes you were overreacting when he said he was going to vegas and you are really overreacting now. Instead of changing tactic and gaining personal insight from what happened and what you heard here, you are doing the same thing--essentially demanding or expecting closeness or else!---and expecting a good result, when you will likely get the same result: he will pull away, probably for good. These last two moves amount to self-sabotage at this point.
Author whatwhit Posted January 26, 2019 Author Posted January 26, 2019 So in other words. Just let him be. Maybe in a few weeks reach out. Date other ppl etc etc
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 (edited) While OP has known this guy for a very short time, we don't know what kind of promises he made or how he talked to her. If he was telling her "can't stop thinking about you" and "miss you" and "I can really see this going somewhere" texts non-stop, then OP has grounds to be upset and her behavior is not out of line. If it was more casual "how was your day" type of contact then she was over-reacting. I remember a guy doing something similar to me after 3 weeks of lovey dates and non-stop texting how much he likes me, how he deleted his OLD profile after out first date, and he was counting down the hours until he can see me next (literally texts 24/7), he then canceled our weekend date so that he can go camping with a friend. It turns out that this was an attractive, newly single female friend. Then he proceeds to go and basically didn't contact me the entire time. When I got a bit upset over it, he was like "I have known you for 3 weeks and my friends are important to me" blah blah. On face value he was right, but his inconsistency made me feel like he was BSing me the whole time with sweet talk. Then he used all that against me and decided he didn't want to continue because of my reaction to the overnight camping trip, ignoring me etc. I was actually beating myself over it. Few weeks later, he was "in a relationship" with this female friend on social media (lol) Edited January 26, 2019 by Eternal Sunshine
HiCrunchy Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 (edited) 1) if a man your dating and not yet exclusive with express a desire to not see you for any reason I wouldn't jokingly or seriously call him out. I would just say ok and make other plans and let him initiate when he wants to see me and then let him know when I am free (if I'm free because I would be dating other men). 2) if he cancels once saying he is sick "ok I hope you feel better". If he cancels twice saying he is sick but going to Vegas I would say "ok have fun" but he gets ignored (because he is not my boyfriend and possibly a flaky suitor he doesn't get the courtesy of a breakup explanation) and again...I would date other men. if he wants to know why I'm ignoring him thennnnn I will tell him "you seem like a great guy but you canceled twice on me and I want to see a guy that makes time to see me". If he wants another chance then I will give him one but it would be his last This is good advice. Agreed! Edited January 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author whatwhit Posted January 26, 2019 Author Posted January 26, 2019 Yeah that’s pretty much how it’s been from him. Lots of I really like you. I enjoy kissing you. I think you have a really great sense of humor. Super touchy feely and cute when we were together. We were about to sleep together for the first time and he stopped because he remembered us saying we would take it slow and wanted to do this the right way. Cause he’s gone fast before and it didn’t work out. Talk all day. I just need a game plan on what to do. I want to apologize and make this better. When we talked Thursday night he was I was like do you not want to hang out anymore and he was like ughhh like didn’t want to say no didn’t want to say yes. He was like I need a day to process this thing I need this weekend.
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 While OP has known this guy for a very short time, we don't know what kind of promises he made or how he talked to her. If he was telling her "can't stop thinking about you" and "miss you" and "I can really see this going somewhere" texts non-stop, then OP has grounds to be upset and her behavior is not out of line. thats the thing about love bombs. you can easily get sucked into how much you thought the guy really liked you but then when he show is true colors or switch up or just become the totally opposite of what he was showing you it really can be devastating I would just encourage women to remain level headed especially in the early stages of dating. men can and many will say anything and everything in the moment and just like we have the right to change our minds well so do they. or they could just be lying who knows. and this is not to shame OP. this is to empower OP and many many many women to put things in proper perspective to protect themselves because nobody else in the world can protect their heart than the person it belongs to. got to remain logical or dating will continue kicking our a**es lol 2
JuneL Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 There is no need to apologize or talk about what happened between the two of you. Please do not contact him while he is in Vegas. Take this trip as a reset. Let him get in touch with you when he comes back. Avoid acting all needy and clingy from then on, if he does get back in touch with you after the trip. 1
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