whatwhit Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 (edited) I have been dating this guy for less than two weeks ( yep made a post on here already about him ). We’ve moved kind of fast I guess. We’ve hung out like 4 to 5 times within those 2 weeks. I stayed over once because it was late and I had been drinking but we didn’t have sex. Things have been great so far. Until this week I suppose. We were supposed to hang out Wednesday after us having dinner Tuesday and he tells me he’s sick. I’m insecure so I thought maybe he was trying to bail out. I jokingly ask him that and was nooo not at all talked him that night he did seem sick. Told me he felt worst the next day. Before Tuesday we had made plans to hang out today Friday and Saturday. We chatted all day Friday I told him I’d still like to hang out even if he’s sick and have a chill Friday night. He said he wants to but doesn’t want me to get sick. We casually talk the rest of Yesterday. Well then after work he texts me and he likes he so, don’t hate me. Some of the guys are planning a Vegas trip tomorrow and I think I’m going to go . I was like wow ok lol have fun. And he was like yeah I’m sick but I’ve never been and want to go. So I ask him to call him. It’s the time of the month so I could be in my head about getting weird vibes from him this week ( just being kind of short more than before ). But I just ask him if he’s just not interested in hanging out again and his feelings into me. And he said he does still want to continue to hang out. And I told him I just not good with changed plans and it does seem sketchy. He can go to Vegas sick?! Well my freak out freaked him out saying he thinks we are moving too fast and how I should’ve been like ok cool have fun! And how we are supposed to be just casual having fun getting to know you phase. Now he wants space and doesn’t want to talk to me til he gets back. He wants space I guess to see if he wants to continue to hang out anymore or not. I texted I’m Goodnight <3 no response. How can I fix this and am I in the wrong for getting annoyed? I feel like I would get annoyed with anyone friends included if they bailed last minute. I agree him and I have moved fast. What can I say that’s apologetic agrees with moving slow but convinced him to not end things? 31 and he’s 32 Edited January 25, 2019 by whatwhit
FMW Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 You've been dating less than 2 weeks. Slow. Your. Roll. Sure, it isn't great for your ego that he'll go on a trip with his buddies while he's sick but doesn't want to see you. But again, it's been less than 2 weeks. He didn't do anything wrong. Leave him alone - give him the space he's asked for. Don't reach out to him again, he's made it clear he thinks you're expecting too much. You can't "fix" it. He'll get in touch with you again if he is interested and then see where things go from there (if you still want to). In the meantime focus on other things, other people. 3
PegNosePete Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 What can I say that’s apologetic agrees with moving slow but convinced him to not end things? "ok cool have fun!"
frus69 Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 I think it was bit too much when you asked to hang out with him even when hes sick.. I'd be thinking"whoa this chick is clingy".. Hes prioritising Vegas over you but that s totally understandable. It's an exciting trip and why wouldn't he choose it over you, someone who he just met 2 weeks ago? It's legit that he's freaking out. You need to leave him alone as he wishes, you really dont have a choice. 1
SophieG Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 You’ve been dating for 2 weeks, technically, you don’t owe each other anything. It sucks when someone cancels on you, but it’s not like he’s saying « I’m going to watch the game with friends instead of going out with you », it’s a trip to Vegas. I mean, if I was in hia shoes, I’d probably do the same thing, even if I was sick. You could have told him that you’re a little disappointed because you wanted to spend time with him, but understand that this is not an everyday opportunity. I guess he wants space because he feels smothered. IME, guys like their freedom to go out with friends and seeing your reaction, he’s thinking « How will she react if we’re in a relationship? ». I’d wait for him to come back and see how things go.
Zahara Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 I felt suffocated just reading your post. Often times when two people blast off the blocks, they crash and burn just as quickly. Give this time to breathe and get to know each at a pace that also allows you to live your life outside of him. The issue with this is that you’re getting clouded and giddy in the early highs rather than walking in with a clear mind, taking your time to evaluate if he has the potential to be relationship material. You’ve attached so quickly and now you’re clinging to him and only after two weeks. This is a recipe for disaster. Too mich too soon. Step back. Reduce the time you see him. Spend some of your days with your friends, your family, activities you like doing or just taking some alone time for yourself. Don’t completely revolve yourself around a guy you’ve only known for two weeks. 1
Author whatwhit Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 Thanks everyone! I guess I got excited that I met someone cool and got carried away. Shoulder shrug. 1
Zahara Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 “Usually my relationships are fast paced, texting all day, and hanging out everyday.” You posted this in a previous thread in March 2018. Break the pattern. This is not a healthy approach to dating. Set standards and boundaries for yourself and stick to them. You date to seek compatibility with another. And that process takes time because you want to make sure you’re making the right investment for yourself. You walk in with a clear head - observing in those initial stages of courtship. Jumping in blindly and getting caught up in a quick whirlwind will usually fail you and cause you to get into situations that aren’t right for you. 1
Grey40 Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 You’re really overthinking this. He’s sick, just give him the benefit of the doubt it’s the first time he’s done that and people do get sick at this time of year. I’d the next time he gives another excuse, then you have your answer.
Author whatwhit Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 I’m probably overthinking this. But since he didn’t end things last night and said he needs to think and process things. Does that mean he cares a little bit?
Grey40 Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 I’m probably overthinking this. But since he didn’t end things last night and said he needs to think and process things. Does that mean he cares a little bit? Maybe, though that line is a very typical BS thing to say to stall and not tell the truth. But he also could just be busy with other things. The only way to know is to hang out again. So wait a bit—maybe 5-6 days then reach out again and try to set up another time to see him.
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 I'd be annoyed too if my new guy was too sick to see me but not too sick to go to Vegas. That said, you have only known this guy for 14 days. You are being too intense. Back off. Him not seeing you for a bit may be helpful because you need to slow down. You need to learn patience & to let a relationship develop. Everything about this is happening at hyper-speed & it's going to crash just as fast because you need a slower pace & better boundaries. 2 weeks in I'm not about to let a new person in my life see me sick. Hell, I kicked my brand new husband out of the room on our honeymoon because I didn't want to be around him while I was sick.
PegNosePete Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 he needs to think and process things. Does that mean he cares a little bit? Most likely he likes you but thinks you're way too clingy and is wondering if it's better to bail now, or give it a chance to see if you calm down.
Wallysbears Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Slow your roll. You just met this person like 2 weeks ago. You are coming across super clingy. Stop
smackie9 Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 It sounds sketchy but I can see how he would push himself to go, being sick. If he is getting sick, all I can say he's going to regret going to Vegas. I have been sick for 2 weeks, and I tell ya I still feel like crap. You think you are going to be OK, but nope. It hits you like a ton of bricks over and over.
stillafool Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 If I were him I would be totally turned off. You guys are just casual friends and if you can't understand how he doesn't want to miss a trip to Vegas with his friends rather than hang out on a Friday night stewing in his sickness you aren't a good friend. I would have told him to go have fun. Why do you say you want a casual relationship but don't treat it as such?
Author whatwhit Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 I never said I wanted a casual relationship. We both agreed to take things slow so that we do this whole thing right. I’m just trying to figure out how to redeem myself. What I can say in a apologetic non needy way.
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Let's be blunt. He is not that excited about you. He is not smitten or infatuated. Men tend to become smitten really early on or not at all. However, if you slow down you may grow on him in time. 1
Author whatwhit Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 I don’t think that part is true. But I appreciate your feedback
Mrs._December Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Do yourself a favor. Download the book by Sherry Argov, "Why Men Love B*tches." Let's make one thing clear - it has nothing to do with being a b*tch - it's just a catchy title. What it teaches you is to STOP being too available and too eager to please all the time. Men do NOT like it when women are too available and too clingy - both of which you've been too much of with this guy. I never read self help books but I made an exception for this one. You'll love it.
Author whatwhit Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 Can you think of anything I can say to redeem myself and I guess when we do talk what can I say to savage things
elaine567 Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 He has gone on a guys trip to Vegas and has engineered "space" till he comes back. How convenient...
Versacehottie Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 I agree with Slow. Your. Roll. If you agree with him about having moved too fast (which you should) then you don't push for more closeness, more relationship-ness. Maybe he's not 100% on the vegas, sick not being able to see you. But it wouldn't change that he wants and needs to slow down. That's the bigger picture. If you want to play the game, be fine with it. Or the whole thing will implode right quick. Also give the guy a break--you want to hang out with him when he is sick and it's been less than two weeks of dating--that feels super clingy. good luck
Zahara Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Can you think of anything I can say to redeem myself and I guess when we do talk what can I say to savage things Wish him fun on his trip and then back off. When he’s back from his trip, let him come to you. When you both do talk, don’t bring this up. Just act casual and go with the flow and move on from this incident. No need for any sort of drama. And for heaven’s sake, slow down. Clingy behavior is a turn off. Moving forward try to find balance between him and having a life outside of this.
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Can you think of anything I can say to redeem myself and I guess when we do talk what can I say to savage things You can say "have a great time in Vegas! Call me when you get back." Then you go off & have a fun weekend with your friends while he's away. 2
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