Desperatelyconfused Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Hi I have been with someone who is really bad for me. We are bad for each other. We don't live together, we are older and both have kids (mine are a lot younger than his) We have been in a relationship for almost 5 years. It's toxic though, we bring out the worst in each other. I am clingy and needy and anxious around him. I am not the best me when I am with him. He has tantrums and ends our relationship every month or 2 months. Sometimes it has been 6 or more months where he doesn't do this. What happens is he says that he wants to end us - it's always during a text argument. He will then call me to say goodbye and during that conversation he will change his mind. The time before last I told myself that the next time he does it, I should just let him go and walk away but the last time was Saturday and I found myself panicking and feeling huge anxiety and I just didn't do it. I had promised myself I would just walk away but I couldn't do it. I need to end this relationship. I am so afraid of the hurt and the loneliness after I do. I guess I am a coward. I don't think that i love him. I think that I am addicted to the highs and lows of the relationship. it's a huge roller coaster. I think we are both addicted to it. He says that he loves me more than he has ever loved anyone but I don't think he loves me. I think he is as addicted to me as I am to him. Please help. How do I leave him, how do I get over him? How do I deal with the loneliness and emptiness after he is gone?
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Start by making some lists: Good points & Bad points about the break up. Make another of the pros & cons of dating him. Read over your lists. Make another list of things you will be free to do once he's gone, like meet a new person who is better for you. Shore up your support: friends family & people you can lean on in the aftermath. Then meet him & break up. Not through text. Be specific about that fact that it's over. Stick to your guns & walk away.
Wallysbears Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 You may need to see a therapist to help you figure this out. It sounds like you have your own underlying issues that are preventing you from separating from a bad relationship. And until you figure THOSE out, you may not be able to effectively manage this break up . Wish you tons of luck and healing. 1
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