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Is he needy or controlling or just lonely and attaching quickly?

GraceAndJoy

By GraceAndJoy
in Dating

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bloodreaper Member

bloodreaper

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I don’t see the big deal here...... communication is important in a relationship. If you don’t have time to reply to his texts and are bothered by him checking on you and making sure you’re safe, you need to do the poor man a favor and leave him alone. Sometimes you don’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone and this is one of those incidents. He’s a good man. Get over your fears. He’s shown no signs whatsoever of him being controlling

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Yes he does all these things. He positions himself when we are walking on the street so that he is on the traffic side! I never had a guy do that. He opens doors, carries things, etc. I know it's early and time will tell if this is just for show to make me fall fast.
Enjoy the ways of a gentleman. I wasn't used to it either when I met my boyfriend. I am in my 50s and the men in my life before were all impatient and agressive so I remained single 8 years before meeting this one. Don't quit on what could be a great relationship just cause he's different then the men you were used to.
Highndry Established Member

Highndry

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It is refreshing to have him show avid interest after dealing with OLD daters who are multi-dating and leave me never knowing where I stand.

 

I talked to him today about how I was surprised how he took down his profile so fast (during our second date). He said it wasn't because he knew I was "the one", but because he doesn't like to focus on more than one person at a time. He says he can't be browsing other profiles while nurturing a potential relationship. Sounded reasonable!

 

That's something I would do, too. If I met a woman with potential, I would take my profile offline to see where things went.

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GraceAndJoy Member

GraceAndJoy

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Posted
I don’t see the big deal here...... communication is important in a relationship. If you don’t have time to reply to his texts and are bothered by him checking on you and making sure you’re safe, you need to do the poor man a favor and leave him alone. Sometimes you don’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone and this is one of those incidents. He’s a good man. Get over your fears. He’s shown no signs whatsoever of him being controlling

 

Thank you for this kick in the rear! I am just not used to men acting like this, so I guess my radar went up. I do appreciate that a good man (at 50 especially) is hard to find so I'm going to relax and enjoy...and let time reveal whether this one is a keeper!

chocolatecookie New Member

chocolatecookie

Posted
Posted
Thank you for this kick in the rear! I am just not used to men acting like this, so I guess my radar went up. I do appreciate that a good man (at 50 especially) is hard to find so I'm going to relax and enjoy...and let time reveal whether this one is a keeper!

 

Well, if you want something to compare to, check my post about my situation: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/675259-love-bombing-crumbs

 

I met a guy who was acting like that, the perfect gentleman: opening doors, texting, wanting to know I got back home safe, etc. But... he also went overboard with all the nurturing and caring to the point of love bombing me: wanting to be with me all the time, chasing me around the house to make sure I'm ok, wanting to move in together, etc, and all in a short amount of time.

 

If it was only the part your guy is doing: texting, opening doors, etc, I would be fine with it and love it! But I started to feel suffocated with all the smothering, it was too much.

 

I talked to him about it, he said he understands, but then he felt resentful and went the complete opposite way: only doing the bare minimum. Which leads me to think all in the beginning wasn't genuine and is ego was bruised by my boundaries.

 

So, my advice is listen to your intuition. How do you feel next to him? Do you feel relaxed and good, or do you feel anxious and uncomfortable?

 

Check with yourself.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted
It is refreshing to have him show avid interest after dealing with OLD daters who are multi-dating and leave me never knowing where I stand.

 

I talked to him today about how I was surprised how he took down his profile so fast (during our second date). He said it wasn't because he knew I was "the one", but because he doesn't like to focus on more than one person at a time. He says he can't be browsing other profiles while nurturing a potential relationship. Sounded reasonable!

 

Well, that's the perfect answer. That's how I am. I think it shows respect, when you're looking for an actual relationship, that is, to focus on one person at a time. Because no one likes to think you're still looking, even though it's kind of irrational right out of the gate. But we all want someone who is really interested enough in us to not be easily distracted.

 

Don't go putting your heart on your sleeve though. You still barely know the guy. This may not be an issue, but only time will tell if he has some other dealbreaker behavior or a quick temper, etc. Just hold yourself in check and learn about him.

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GraceAndJoy Member

GraceAndJoy

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Well, if you want something to compare to, check my post about my situation: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/675259-love-bombing-crumbs

 

I met a guy who was acting like that, the perfect gentleman: opening doors, texting, wanting to know I got back home safe, etc. But... he also went overboard with all the nurturing and caring to the point of love bombing me: wanting to be with me all the time, chasing me around the house to make sure I'm ok, wanting to move in together, etc, and all in a short amount of time.

 

If it was only the part your guy is doing: texting, opening doors, etc, I would be fine with it and love it! But I started to feel suffocated with all the smothering, it was too much.

 

I talked to him about it, he said he understands, but then he felt resentful and went the complete opposite way: only doing the bare minimum. Which leads me to think all in the beginning wasn't genuine and is ego was bruised by my boundaries.

 

So, my advice is listen to your intuition. How do you feel next to him? Do you feel relaxed and good, or do you feel anxious and uncomfortable?

 

Check with yourself.

 

I read your thread and I'm sorry what you went through, chocolatecookie.

 

I saw my guy tonight and he revealed a short marriage he had not told me about before. It devastated me. I had not asked him outright how MANY marriages he had previously but it seemed like a lie of omission to not mention it when he had been telling me about the marriage/divorce I *thought* was his one and only (and we spent a lot of time talking about our desire for remarriage one day and the value of marriage).

 

The curtain falls...trust is damaged, for sure :(

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