Grey40 Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 6 months to me is pretty fast to move in together. Same phone plan too? Jeez. Usually when behavior like that changes obviously there’s a reason. She’s having doubts about the relationship because you’re about to move in and that reality is becoming “real” and she’s thinking it’s “moving too fast”. That’s 90% chance the reason, so you should Definitley talk to her about it and calm her down and tell her it’s going to be alright.
Wallysbears Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Reason #5,203 that I hate texting and am SO glad that most of my life and dating was spent in the 'pre-texting' days. She invited you over. You said no. She went and did something else. Believe it or not, a phone is not an appendage that is attached to your body. And people don't HAVE to share every.single.thought, moment, etc. via text message or social media. I've had days when they only texts I've sent my husband are "hey, grab milk on the way home" Does that mean he should go running in circles and thinking I don't love him anymore and that our marriage is falling apart? LOL People in relationships do not need to be in constant contact and relay every.single.detail of their day to the other person. 2
Author srt92 Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 6 months to me is pretty fast to move in together. Same phone plan too? Jeez. Usually when behavior like that changes obviously there’s a reason. She’s having doubts about the relationship because you’re about to move in and that reality is becoming “real” and she’s thinking it’s “moving too fast”. That’s 90% chance the reason, so you should Definitley talk to her about it and calm her down and tell her it’s going to be alright. No I dont think that's not the case, she was excited when we got approved for the apartment, both took a day off and shopped at alot of different stores looking for furniture, and we went to a bunch of other stores looking at other things we wanted to get for the apartment,..etc,.....I asked her if she did have any concerns about us moving in a week ago, and she said no as in like "you dont have to ask that anymore we should be past this already" type of response. and yes she said it like that as in that manner cuz we have thoroughly discussed this more than once before. It's just I dont put anything past nobody. I will be honest i webt thru a traumatic break up like really bad last year from a ending of a 3 year relationship. I'm guessing maybe that's the culprit to all my doubts. She was fully aware when we first met last year that I had got out of a 3yr relationship earlier that year. Now before you get to judging no, I'm not like a mad man lashing out or acting out in a toxic manner to this women because of the bbn past relationship. I'm straightforward with her.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 (edited) OP, you need to get your anxiety under control here. Can't she have an off few day without you assuming it's all about you? You need to take a deep breath. You clearly are extremely uncomfortable with any degree of uncertainty and are seeing all of this through a very fearful lens. Humans don't behave the same way, every day, under all circumstances. Cut her some slack unless and until you have seen a longer-lasting distance and shift in her interactions with you. If she is having cold feet about moving in or continuing the relationship, you will know it soon enough. But that's but one of many possible reason she's been quieter than usual. You need to distract yourself in the meantime so you're not waiting by the phone for a message from her and fretting when it doesn't come as promptly as you expect. EDIT: OP, your thread about taking revenge on your ex and her new boyfriend is not even a couple months old. Your anger and resentment and pain about your breakup was palpable in that thread. I would strongly encourage you to rethink rushing into this current relationship when your ex was taking up that much rent in your mind less than 60 days ago. Edited January 25, 2019 by ExpatInItaly 2
Grey40 Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 No I dont think that's not the case, she was excited when we got approved for the apartment, both took a day off and shopped at alot of different stores looking for furniture, and we went to a bunch of other stores looking at other things we wanted to get for the apartment,..etc,.....I asked her if she did have any concerns about us moving in a week ago, and she said no as in like "you dont have to ask that anymore we should be past this already" type of response. and yes she said it like that as in that manner cuz we have thoroughly discussed this more than once before. It's just I dont put anything past nobody. I will be honest i webt thru a traumatic break up like really bad last year from a ending of a 3 year relationship. I'm guessing maybe that's the culprit to all my doubts. She was fully aware when we first met last year that I had got out of a 3yr relationship earlier that year. Now before you get to judging no, I'm not like a mad man lashing out or acting out in a toxic manner to this women because of the bbn past relationship. I'm straightforward with her. Peoples change their minds all the time, and sometimes even as quick as 24 hours. Just because she was excited last week doesnÂ’t mean she feels that way now. ItÂ’s crunch time and maybe she realizes youÂ’re not the kind of person she wants to be with or live with. The only other scenario here is that you said/did something to piss her off or make her feel uncomfortable and now sheÂ’s pulling back. Either way, just give her some space, sheÂ’ll reach out soon.
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 I'm going to tell you what I would do if I had a boyfriend who did this if I texted something to my boyfriend and he is normally very responsive and all the sudden it takes him awhile like hours to reply and that's not normal and he does it like twice then I would call him out (sweetly) and see how he responds. I would text something simple like "wow honey that took a very long to respond". I wouldn't make it too big of a conversation. Just let it be known that you notice it's taking a very long time to respond. He may explain what's going on or he may blow it off as no big deal or no matter how he responds he may make a point to go back to being responsive in a timely manner. If he responds favorably whether he explained or went back to being responsive as normal well problem solved If he doesn't respond favorably as in blowing it off as no big deal then if it were me I would just let this go for now and accept whatever this new found texting style is for now but evaluate the relationship. If he is an otherwise good boyfriend then I would just choose my battles and this would just not be the hill i die on today. Just accept if. If there are other red flags to suggest that something is really not okay then I would address whatever "that" is. Hope this helps
TheFinalWord Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 Your texting sounds boring to be honest. You text her how bored you are, she offers you to come over, and you can't. Okay. You just sound kind of negative in your texting, and also why do you want to text all day? You sound like you're texting her because you're bored, not really to get to know her. I hate when people text me to say they're bored. It's just like, find something to do. You're a man. Start a business, take up a hobby, find some new passion. Very unattractive to me when someone is bored. There's so much to do. Especially, if you're a man.
Author srt92 Posted January 26, 2019 Author Posted January 26, 2019 Peoples change their minds all the time, and sometimes even as quick as 24 hours. Just because she was excited last week doesnÂ’t mean she feels that way now. ItÂ’s crunch time and maybe she realizes youÂ’re not the kind of person she wants to be with or live with. The only other scenario here is that you said/did something to piss her off or make her feel uncomfortable and now sheÂ’s pulling back. Either way, just give her some space, sheÂ’ll reach out soon. I disagree, I didnt say anything to piss her off...I just told her that day that I couldnt make it to her house I'm guessing that might have pissed her off?...and no as far as her all the sudden realizing im not the person she wants to stay with, from my past experiences, im pretty sure she would have been called it off or make up some kind of excuse...she was just on the phone with me all last evening and last night and mentioned that she cant wait till Monday which is the day we move in together. Other than that she hasn't gave me any signs of not wanting to be with me anymore, I was just saying her texting pattern those past 2 days seem like it had warrant something that could be going on...but other than that within the last 48 hrs shes been responding and everything like normal..now on the flip side, last thing I could think of that makes me question her behavior towards me could be because my job just layed me off 2 weeks ago and I been jobless since then, and were about to move in together. I do have some potential leads on a new job on Monday, and my girl is aware of that, and Hopes that I get the job. I'm playing my cards to where I dont want her to think I'm just going to be some guy trying to love off of her, and I'm not I'm a very industrious individual here, when we 1st met all the until now, I was working 60 + hrs a week so she should know I'm not a lazy bum. Other than that, based off what you said idk what else it could be...there's a reason behind everything
Gaeta Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 People and relationship are constantly chaging and adjusting. You've only been dating 6 months (not even) so you were both on your best behavior up to now, after 6 months (not even) you hardly know each other, soon the *best behavior* will drop, it drops at some point for everyone, and you'll both see the real person you're dating. Moving in together, before you even know each other, is a ridiculous idea and a recipe for failure. I am reading between the lines that your gf is filling a void, a void from your last break up. You're emotionally insecure and weak, if your gf doesn't text you back you feel rejected, when she replies it puts some balm on your wounds. That is not a good base to start a life with someone. She doesn't reply? so what? Things could be happening? so what? She could be with someone else? so what? She could love you less? so what? You're a grown man and no matter the *she could...* you'll deal with it, you'll get over it, and life will go on. You are not controlling anything by worrying. You think if you confront her with every little change in her behavior you're on top of things? no you're not. If she wants to cheat on you, she will, no matter the 2-3 hours texting a day. If destiny has her stop being in love with you, she will stop no matter the 2-3 hours texting a day. Learn to let go, and let life happen.
Author srt92 Posted January 26, 2019 Author Posted January 26, 2019 (edited) People and relationship are constantly chaging and adjusting. You've only been dating 6 months (not even) so you were both on your best behavior up to now, after 6 months (not even) you hardly know each other, soon the *best behavior* will drop, it drops at some point for everyone, and you'll both see the real person you're dating. Moving in together, before you even know each other, is a ridiculous idea and a recipe for failure. I am reading between the lines that your gf is filling a void, a void from your last break up. You're emotionally insecure and weak, if your gf doesn't text you back you feel rejected, when she replies it puts some balm on your wounds. That is not a good base to start a life with someone. {snip} I agree with everything your saying, but my gf is not a void to fill in. It's not like my ex broke with me, and then bam 3 months later I got with the new girl. I haven't spoken to nor seen my ex since last year April. I just came here for some advice and some clarity that's all. I know what you're thinking, youre probably thinking I'm confronting her all the time, this and that, I'm playing games with her, and I'm showing a state of weakness to her. This is not the case. It's just all in my mind that's all. I have a very bad ha it of overthinking as well. When I fail at things, i will 6 months down the line will still be thinking what u could have done different. From failing at my job, going to jail, making poor choices all kinds of stuff. Edited January 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Gaeta Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 I agree with everything your saying, but my gf is not a void to fill in. It's not like my ex broke with me, and then bam 3 months later I got with the new girl. I haven't spoken to nor seen my ex since last year April. It means nothing you have not seen her since last year. You obviously are still hurt and bitter over what happened. Only 6 weeks ago you were posting about your ex, about how she humiliated you, how your break up traumatized you etc. That doesn't sound like a man that has moved on and it shows by the way you're panicking over your gf not replying to a text. I just came here for some advice and some clarity that's all. And we are offering you clarity but you don't want to be honest with yourself and do a real introspection, you want the fault to fall on your girlfriend because it's easier to accuse someone else than to ask yourself some hard questions. I know what you're thinking, youre probably thinking I'm confronting her all the time, this and that, I'm playing games with her, and I'm showing a state of weakness to her. No you don't know what I am thinking and all that you have listed here has not even crossed my mind. Do you do the same thing with your girlfriend? do you 'guess' what she's thinking? What if you're completely wrong about her the way you're completely wrong with me? This is not the case. It's just all in my mind that's all. I have a very bad ha it of overthinking as well. When I fail at things, i will 6 months down the line will still be thinking what u could have done different. From failing at my job, going to jail, making poor choices all kinds of stuff. That's because you don't think deep and serious before making a decision. When I decide to do something or say something I think hard of what could go wrong and I accept ahead of time the consequences I'd inherit. We're getting over an ice-storm here. If I take my car and drive during a storm and have an accident I won't go *I should have stayed home* no, I knew ahead of time driving on ice was risky and I accepted the risk. You know moving in with someone you've dated not even 6 months is crazy, do you accept that it will probably don't work? When it all comes down in 3-4 months will you hate yourself for doing it? Then don't do it if you're not ready for the consequences of your actions. That's how we stop over analyzing our mistakes....We make better decisions.
Author srt92 Posted January 27, 2019 Author Posted January 27, 2019 It means nothing you have not seen her since last year. You obviously are still hurt and bitter over what happened. Only 6 weeks ago you were posting about your ex, about how she humiliated you, how your break up traumatized you etc. That doesn't sound like a man that has moved on and it shows by the way you're panicking over your gf not replying to a text. And we are offering you clarity but you don't want to be honest with yourself and do a real introspection, you want the fault to fall on your girlfriend because it's easier to accuse someone else than to ask yourself some hard questions. No you don't know what I am thinking and all that you have listed here has not even crossed my mind. Do you do the same thing with your girlfriend? do you 'guess' what she's thinking? What if you're completely wrong about her the way you're completely wrong with me? That's because you don't think deep and serious before making a decision. When I decide to do something or say something I think hard of what could go wrong and I accept ahead of time the consequences I'd inherit. We're getting over an ice-storm here. If I take my car and drive during a storm and have an accident I won't go *I should have stayed home* no, I knew ahead of time driving on ice was risky and I accepted the risk. You know moving in with someone you've dated not even 6 months is crazy, do you accept that it will probably don't work? When it all comes down in 3-4 months will you hate yourself for doing it? Then don't do it if you're not ready for the consequences of your actions. That's how we stop over analyzing our mistakes....We make better decisions. Okay, so basically what you're saying is, it's not going to work between us, and I just made a big mistake. You do realize it was her idea for us to make it official? For us to move in together? Why let stuff in the past make me turn down something that could be potentially great? Who knows? Just like what other people on this thread even yourself is saying: "whatever happens, happens I just ha e to accept it for what it is. And that's where I'm at now with my life. No more grieving or weeping behind something that was out my control. You cant critisize me for trying. I'm 26 years old, I'd like to have a family before I get too old, and that's what she wants as well. I understand your point, but you just cant jump to conclusion or speculating that its automatically not going to work out in 2-3 months. Do you understand where I'm coming from?
ExpatInItaly Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 Okay, so basically what you're saying is, it's not going to work between us, and I just made a big mistake. You do realize it was her idea for us to make it official? For us to move in together? Does she have any clue that you were ranting over your ex and wanting revenge less than 2 months ago?
Author srt92 Posted January 27, 2019 Author Posted January 27, 2019 Does she have any clue that you were ranting over your ex and wanting revenge less than 2 months ago? Lord no..that's what I been trying to tell you guys..shes knows nothing of this..i played my cards right with her..all else is great between me and her at this point..I haven't gave any signs or anything about my ex or my past...seems like she honestly doesnt care either so I keep my mouth shut. And it's been working. I notice the more I keep my mouth shut and work on letting things go, other doors open for me..yes I'm hurt on the inside, but I hold my composure and have 5 common senses to not mess this up behind what happened in the past. Who knows could be the same with her
Gaeta Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 Okay, so basically what you're saying is, it's not going to work between us, and I just made a big mistake. You do realize it was her idea for us to make it official? For us to move in together? So what it was her that offered to move in together? You are your own person and you have your own brain to decide this is a bad idea. People that are serious about making it long term don't rush! They take their time to make sure they're not gonna have to restart with someone else 2-3-4-5 times. Why let stuff in the past make me turn down something that could be potentially great? Who knows? Just like what other people on this thread even yourself is saying: "whatever happens, happens I just ha e to accept it for what it is. You skipped the part about making well thought Through decision then what will be will be. I'm 26 years old, I'd like to have a family before I get too old, and that's what she wants as well. And moving in with women you don't know will accomplish that for you? I understand your point, but you just cant jump to conclusion or speculating that its automatically not going to work out in 2-3 months. Do you understand where I'm coming from? The statistics are against you. Relationships aren't easy to start with, you need to know your partner, be forgiving, be patient, be compromising, and you have none of those yet, the proof? Here you are in a panick over a couple of text. How will you survive the big struggles of life if you panick over something this trivial? .
Gaeta Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 .yes I'm hurt on the inside, but I hold my composure and have 5 common senses to not mess this up behind what happened in the past. Who knows could be the same with her So I was not so far off from the truth. How would you feel if the woman you date was still hurting over her ex? You wouldn't like it. Hurting takes up a lot of energy and it keeps us from really investing ourselves into someone else. We hurt because we still love. When she is alone she wouldn't be thinking of you but thinking how much her ex hurted her ... You really think that's a good base to start a life together? You are still hurting from your ex and dating a woman, what does that make her? Yes that makes her your rebound.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 Lord no..that's what I been trying to tell you guys..shes knows nothing of this..i played my cards right with her..all else is great between me and her at this point..I haven't gave any signs or anything about my ex or my past...seems like she honestly doesnt care either so I keep my mouth shut. And it's been working. I notice the more I keep my mouth shut and work on letting things go, other doors open for me..yes I'm hurt on the inside, but I hold my composure and have 5 common senses to not mess this up behind what happened in the past. Who knows could be the same with her Right, exactly. And what you don't appear to understand is that she is taking steps in the relationship on false pretenses, because you are hiding your true feelings. You are obviously not over your ex, and it's unfair to your girlfriend. However, she is also agreeing to dive-bomb right through the courtship phase rather than getting to know you in a measured, mature way. Rushed and poorly-thought-out plans have a way of coming back to bite us.
Logo Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 I knew this was coming...all I'm stating is, there's a change I'm seeing that's all. I'm pretty sure if I changed the way I communicate with her, which I did one day by mistake, she sent me texts like "???" Or "dang ur just not gonna text me all day?" See my point here? It sounds like she’s insecure and she needs your texts as reassurance and also as an ego boost. She’s controlling you through manipulation. You text, you won’t get your treat. You don’t text, there’ll be a price to pay. That’s called conditioning. It’s manipulation.
Fekenaws Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 Didn't read all the comments but all I can say is 6 months of dating isn't long enough imo to start living together. On top of that, my ex started taking longer and longer to respond during the last month of our relationship, it was her way of slowly checking out before pulling the plug. I'm not saying that's what's happening for sure, but usually, if your GF is acting differently than she has been in the past then there's something afoot.
losangelena Posted January 28, 2019 Posted January 28, 2019 I agree with expat. Your new gf knows none of the circumstances surrounding your ex? That kind of stuff has a way of revealing itself when you least want it to. Okay, she doesn’t know now, but she finds out about it a year from now? What will she think? She’ll think you’re dishonest and that you hid parts of yourself to make yourself look better. You’re essentially manipulating your gf into thinking you’re someone you’re not. She doesn’t know you at all probably, and is making desicions about someone totally different in her mind. Not wise, dude, not wise.
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