h0000 Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Anyone of you get annoyed when your date or bf jokes that "you are messaging me all the time" "you are so keen on me" or "you worship me you like everything i touch"? Why would guys say things like that? Or am I weird for getting angry at them?
Orokotikki Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 How often are you messaging them? Is it sarcastic? If not, then it sounds like you are coming on a bit strong to them. 1
Author h0000 Posted January 24, 2019 Author Posted January 24, 2019 I give less than 5 messages per day? unless he keeps messaging back then I will continue but otherwise, yeah less than 5. But no it's not sarcastic. Of course if I like the guy, I will be interested, I will be keen. But I honestly dont think Im "obsessed" or I blow up thier phone or anything like that. So when they say things like that, I should pull away then? Although they say "just kidding"..
AriesDude Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 it's called narcissism or misplaced confidence. Apart from PUA seminars all over the world there are stuff you see on tv to magazines to self-help books labeled "how to read a girl's body language" to "what she really feels" etc..., they are not always fully seen for a scam or something unnecessary or interpreted correctly. You basically met someone that heard something once from someone that went to his head a little too much. So he is either a) a little too smug with himself b) joking around to see how you react c) nervous and forcing confidence d) very inexperienced or has "foot in mouth disease" or e) he just got bad advice from a friend I think the guy just either an Ahole or he got bad advice because he goes "just kidding" when you get angry for it. It's not always a bad thing. Can mean he likes you but doesnt know what to say and lots of other things. So its not weird. But if you ask him to stop and he does it again then it is time to get worried. just my opinion 1
basil67 Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 I think in your shoes I'd put him in his place. Something like "I am fond of you, but it's early days yet. Please don't get carried away with assumptions about how I feel" 1
Grey40 Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 It’s a really immature thing for them to say, but it’s basically testing you and seeing how you’ll react to it. Also means you’re Definitley coming on too strong. 1
stillafool Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 I wouldn't text him anymore. If he wanted me he'd have to make all the effort after those comments. 2
Art_Critic Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 It sounds like his version of negging... Any guy who uses negging on a girl needs to be dumped, it's manipulative. 1
Wallysbears Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 I'd stop texting him. If he wants to contact you, let him. 1
ShadeOfGreen Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Those jokes feel like a shorthand way of instilling guilt by implying you are doing something wrong. I have more respect for someone who is direct with their concerns and feelings. Otherwise it just feels like a jab, and I find it hard to resolve differences after that. "I like talking with you, but I'm not the type of person who texts as often as you might expect." "I really enjoy our time together, but I feel this moving faster than I'm comfortable with." These aren't showstopper statements, and I consider them a much more mature way to set a pace both people can be happy with. It can be part of finding out how the other person ticks, and that's part of dating.
clia Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 It might be a passive aggressive way of trying to tell you that you are texting him too much and are too clingy. Just pull back. 1
olivetree Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 I had a friend seeing a guy who would say things like this. He basically knew she was into him more than he was into her. He treated her like crap and she would stick around. He didn't stop saying these things until she stopped putting up with his crap.
Author h0000 Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 Also means you’re Definitley coming on too strong. Less than 5 texts a day is coming on to strong... It sounds like his version of negging... Any guy who uses negging on a girl needs to be dumped, it's manipulative. Manipulate me into not interested anymore?I don't understand. Those jokes feel like a shorthand way of instilling guilt by implying you are doing something wrong. I have more respect for someone who is direct with their concerns and feelings. Otherwise it just feels like a jab, and I find it hard to resolve differences after that. "I like talking with you, but I'm not the type of person who texts as often as you might expect." "I really enjoy our time together, but I feel this moving faster than I'm comfortable with." These aren't showstopper statements, and I consider them a much more mature way to set a pace both people can be happy with. It can be part of finding out how the other person ticks, and that's part of dating. I'm not sure he really means any of those things because he always says"i was just winding you up"."you can text me. You can call me. You can do whatever you want " when I ask him if he really thinks im bothering him.
Author h0000 Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 It’s a really immature thing for them to say, but it’s basically testing you and seeing how you’ll react to it. Also means you’re Definitley coming on too strong. How do they expert people to react?
Art Anderson Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Well there's the big problem with messaging. Why people don't take the thing they are texting on and put it up to their ear for a phone call just defies reason. You could have sorted this out in a minute - together - instead of agonizing for days and asking strangers what he means. You don't dump someone because of a misunderstanding. You dump them when it's crystal clear there's no resolution coming in the near future. Maybe a quick rebuff or tone of voice from you would set things right.
ShadeOfGreen Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 I'm not sure he really means any of those things because he always says"i was just winding you up"."you can text me. You can call me. You can do whatever you want " when I ask him if he really thinks im bothering him. Do you like it when he's "winding you up"? It's OK to be annoyed by it. If it bothers you enough, then let him know.
Grey40 Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 How do they expert people to react? Everyone’s different. Maybe he wanted to see how much you actually like him. It’s a pretty pointless thing to be worried about, just keep it going with him like you have been, stop analyzing sentences.
Author h0000 Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 No i dont like to be winded up. And yesterday I showed him clearly I was pissed. it's making me want to deliberately ignore him like some other poster suggested, to teach him a lesson. However i'm going away for a week so if I ignore him now.. it might mean no contact and no meet up for a while.. is it really necessary though? I also feel immature if I do this tic for tac thing..
basil67 Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 No i dont like to be winded up. And yesterday I showed him clearly I was pissed. it's making me want to deliberately ignore him like some other poster suggested, to teach him a lesson. However i'm going away for a week so if I ignore him now.. it might mean no contact and no meet up for a while.. is it really necessary though? I also feel immature if I do this tic for tac thing.. I hear you on the winding up thing. One of my husband's mates always winds up his wife - I would be infuriated in her shoes. And I wouldn't have lasted with him anyway. Aside from him winding you up, is he really worth continuing with?
preraph Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 Pretty simple really. The person is a dick, and a gaslighting one at that. 1
Author h0000 Posted January 25, 2019 Author Posted January 25, 2019 (edited) I hear you on the winding up thing. One of my husband's mates always winds up his wife - I would be infuriated in her shoes. And I wouldn't have lasted with him anyway. Aside from him winding you up, is he really worth continuing with? Well apart from winding me up he is pretty good otherwise, well pretty good so far. Despite saying/ joking "you are going to text me all the time now" he would also say" have a nice day, text me later" after our date... And he would also put in effort in planning things we can do together. So I don't know if I can just say"this guy t it's a dick"... When he doesnt wind me up I really like him. When he does it im really pissed.. lol Edited January 25, 2019 by h0000
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 26, 2019 Posted January 26, 2019 I really hate bringing up my narc ex but this forum keeps triggering memories lmao Anyhoo my narc ex initiate 98% of the texts and calls when we were together and he would joke how I blew up his phone *side eye* Now this is a horrible example because he was a narcissist. But I wouldn't take it personally if you really don't initiate messages that much. Guys like to stroke their own egos sometimes. But if you do initiate and they tell you that and you don't like it? Maybe stop? 1
basil67 Posted January 27, 2019 Posted January 27, 2019 And he would also put in effort in planning things we can do together. So I don't know if I can just say"this guy t it's a dick"... When he doesnt wind me up I really like him. When he does it im really pissed.. lol Then you need to weigh up if the amount of time you spend having fun negates the time he's leaving you feeling pissed. Personally, I wouldn't tolerate someone who winds me up, but if you want to stay, there's always the option of giving him consequences for his behaviour. Each time he does it, reply with "I don't like when you do that. I'm going to take some time to myself until I feel better". If you go radio silent for 24 hours each time he does it. Or ask him to leave/you leave he'll get the message soon enough.
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