Says he has a low sex drive but watches porn. Only been together for 9 months.

[nadineblack]

We've been dating for about 9 months. I'm 31 and he's 30.

 

Since the beginning, he claims to have a low sex drive and says that he's at his limit on the amount of times we have sex per week (2-3 times during a good week). He'll also sometimes regret having sex after we've had it and tell me.

 

He doesn't hide the fact that he watches porn and masturbates to it. Although I don't know how often he does it.

 

Other than that he tells me that he loves me all the time.

 

Do I need to accept that he's just not that attracted to me even though maybe he does love me?

[5x5]

If you want more sex, you should dump him.

[somanymistakes]

I expect most of this forum to chime in with their theories of how it's the porn watching that's killing his sex drive etc etc etc. Personally the weirdest part of this for me is:

 

He'll also sometimes regret having sex after we've had it and tell me.

 

Who DOES that??? That is strange enough to me that it sounds like there are mental problems at work. Past trauma, religious values, sexuality confusion, I don't know, but this is not normal IMO. Even if he were 'not that attracted' to you it would not be normal for him to have sex with you and then say he regretted it.

 

You don't need to beat yourself up over whether he's attracted to you or not. The big question is: is this level of sex acceptable to you, or isn't it?

 

If it isn't, is he willing to try and find a way to fix things with you?

 

If not, then this relationship is probably not tenable.

[nadineblack]

He's not religious at all. The porn he watches seems to be pretty standard: girl giving guy a blowjob and then sex.

 

After sex sometimes he'll say that he was turned on (even though he's not that hard) but just can't have so much sex and that we probably shouldn't have done it. We've never had sex more than once in one day and we definitely don't have it more than 2-3 times a week. Maybe my expectations are unrealistic? It's just that at the beginning ... I kind of expected that we wouldn't be able to keep our hands off each other.

 

But if he's not a sexual person (his words, not mine), then why does he watch porn?

 

He also sometimes mentions how weird and animal-like sex is.

 

I know he wants to settle down, so maybe he's just doing that with me out of fear that he won't find somebody else but isn't really that attracted to me ...

[AmyHershaw]

We've been dating for about 9 months. I'm 31 and he's 30.

 

Since the beginning, he claims to have a low sex drive and says that he's at his limit on the amount of times we have sex per week (2-3 times during a good week). He'll also sometimes regret having sex after we've had it and tell me.

 

He doesn't hide the fact that he watches porn and masturbates to it. Although I don't know how often he does it.

 

Other than that he tells me that he loves me all the time.

 

Do I need to accept that he's just not that attracted to me even though maybe he does love me?

 

It can be difficult being in a relationship with someone who has a lower libido than you. When you mentioned he sometimes tells you he regrets having intercourse with you afterwards, I found that rather odd. It might not be anything to do with you, he might just not be that interested in it and is probably content engaging in "self love". It could be for any number of reasons, but you should notify him of your feelings as it is clearly an issue. The two of you need to sit down and talk about it.

[nadineblack]

It could be for any number of reasons, but you should notify him of your feelings as it is clearly an issue. The two of you need to sit down and talk about it.

 

Thank you for your reply! We have talked about our mismatched sex drives before. He says he understands but that he really can't have more sex.

 

Yesterday he texted me the instagram account of this couple that travels the world and make porn to pay for their travels. He had been working from home and also then told me that he had been watching porn and masturbating.

 

I find it very hurtful that he says he can't have sex with me more often, yet he's happy to watch porn and masturbate.

[elaine567]

I find it very hurtful that he says he can't have sex with me more often, yet he's happy to watch porn and masturbate.

 

 

He's a dud, throw him back into the sea...

[Tamfana]

Read up on the effects of porn and jacking off on sex drive and it'll make more sense. Sounds like he might be addicted and might want to consider the no fap movement.

[somanymistakes]

Told you someone would say that

 

But if he's not a sexual person (his words, not mine), then why does he watch porn?

 

He also sometimes mentions how weird and animal-like sex is.

 

Again, this really sounds like he's got some huge hangups. It doesn't have to be religious. Something about sex between people bothers him. I could list off dozens of possible reasons but they'd all be wild guesses and probably wrong.

 

He's still got a sex drive, he's capable of having sex, he feels desire. But he doesn't like sex, it bothers him somehow. He doesn't want to be a sexual person. He doesn't like the idea. Porn is an easier way for him to provide an outlet for his body's needs without having to face the things he's having problems with.

 

This man needs to talk to a therapist who specialises in sexual issues.

 

However, any change like that will only happen if he's willing to pursue it. This may not be the right relationship for you.

[d0nnivain]

He prefers the movies to an actual woman. Ask him to refrain for a week & see if that improves things. He might not be willing.

[Only-yours]

We've been dating for about 9 months. I'm 31 and he's 30.

 

Since the beginning, he claims to have a low sex drive and says that he's at his limit on the amount of times we have sex per week (2-3 times during a good week). He'll also sometimes regret having sex after we've had it and tell me.

 

He doesn't hide the fact that he watches porn and masturbates to it. Although I don't know how often he does it.

 

Other than that he tells me that he loves me all the time.

 

Do I need to accept that he's just not that attracted to me even though maybe he does love me?

 

Porn addiction is a very strange addiction. I am myself suffering from it. Porn addiction is still not recognized as an "addiction" by mainstream psychologists or experts. It might be possible that the man in question might be attracted to other women he watches in movies, and he might not be attracted to you. He is not attracted to you. There are cases where men prefer porn over their girlfriend or wife (I'm NOT among such men). I really can't understand why a man would prefer porn over a real woman. Anyway, men are different from each other just like women are different from each other. In general, people are different from each other. Personally speaking, I would quite porn if I get women who have same amount of sex drive as me.

[Mr. Lucky]

we have sex per week (2-3 times during a good week).

 

Isn't this is a pretty normal frequency for a couple one year into their relationship?

 

nadineblack, since you're the higher drive partner, what are you bringing to the table to take things up a notch?

 

Though the comment about "regret" is indeed strange...

 

Mr. Lucky

[nadineblack]

Isn't this is a pretty normal frequency for a couple one year into their relationship?

 

It's been like this since the beginning and he always makes a point of telling me he has a low sex drive. Sometimes we're not even initiating sex and he'll say, out of the blue, "I would have sex with you tonight but I'm tired". Without me even asking or trying anything ...