Malin889 Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 We’ve talked many times on here about online dating. So many people have commented that they never ask a person out and they always wait until the other person asks them out. I found this surprising. So my question is: after messaging back and forth for a little while, how does the other person eventually ask you out? Is there something specifically you say (or don’t say) or hint at?
frus69 Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 You ask them out when you want to ask them out,just ask straightforward "do you want to hang out ", no need to word it. Not rocket science. Normally guys just say to me "if you arent too busy do you want to grab a coffee sometime", "you seem really fun and you are really pretty, would love to hang out with you sometime". I never "hint" the guy to ask me out, they normally just do it after a day of chatting. If they dont, I will ask them out if I like. No big deal 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 (edited) Some guys ask me out online without getting to know me first. If he is decent looking and no deal breaking red flags from his profile I would say "I would love to go out but I would like to get to know you a little more first if you don't mind" Some guys we have decent conversation ask me out online without asking for my number. I would say "I would love to go out with you but I would feel more comfortable talking on the phone first. Would you be willing to call me at xyz?" Some guys wait till they get my number and during conversation will ask me out And guys offline may ask on the spot or wait till they get my number and ask on the phone And the normal way they ask is "hey I would like to take you out sometime" or "can I take you out" or "when are you free so I can take you out" Edited January 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Even though I am woman, I would ask guys out. I asked my partner out for coffee 1st. By asking the other person out, you can find out sooner what their intentions are. There was a guy I was talking to for a long time, he never wanted to meet up w/me. We reconnected on the dating site (after I broke it off w/another guy) and finally told him we go on a date or we stop talking. Turns out he was really weird.
Mrs._December Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 The overwhelming majority of messages I received when online dating usually had offers of dinner or drinks or meeting for coffee etc. in them. After a few messages and the exchange of phone numbers, we'd talk on the phone and they'd mention getting together. If our call had gone well, I'd agree to meet with them and we'd come up with a plan to meet at a place that was convenient for both of us. I never once had to ask anyone out. They were always the ones who asked me first. 1
TheFinalWord Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 I always ask for a video call first. There's been too many times of old pics or lack of body shots, etc. Things you want to know before you go out with someone, that you would normally assess in 3 seconds in real life. I'm not going to text back and forth a bunch before meeting up, because, just like the old photos, you can spend a week writing all these messages and then know in 3 seconds in real life if you have any physical chemistry. Personally, I always move to the video call pretty quick, if possible. But I don't want to waste a bunch of time. To me, online is just a way to set up dates, not for a pen pal. Actually, that's another point. If you're a guy, you don't need to take every woman you meet online on a full fledged date. Just meet up for a drink and go dutch. You can take them out more formally on the second date. That way if they blow you off, you're not out anything but the cost of a beer or two. Otherwise you blow hundreds of dollars on dinners on women that have no intention of going on date two. Not sounding bitter, just the reality because online people tend to be way more flakier than people you ask out in real life. They also tend to be out of relationships, so I actually don't follow up with a lot of the women I meet online if they complain about exes on a first date or they are just out of something or still hung up. Life's too short. You want someone emotionally ready to meet someone, that isn't needy and making you go through 1000 hoops. 1
Author Malin889 Posted January 24, 2019 Author Posted January 24, 2019 Thanks for your replies! I’ve just mentioned a few times about asking guys out online and so many people on this forum said not to ask them, that they always wait for the guy to ask them, that somehow they never need to ask guys out because the guys always ask them! Obviously I’d feel better if The guy asks me first but I won’t feel bad about asking the guy out! 1
Author Malin889 Posted January 24, 2019 Author Posted January 24, 2019 The overwhelming majority of messages I received when online dating usually had offers of dinner or drinks or meeting for coffee etc. in them. After a few messages and the exchange of phone numbers, we'd talk on the phone and they'd mention getting together. If our call had gone well, I'd agree to meet with them and we'd come up with a plan to meet at a place that was convenient for both of us. I never once had to ask anyone out. They were always the ones who asked me first. Seriously, you never ask anyone out first? Then I must be doing something wrong then. Lol “The overwhelming majority of messages” asked you out— right away? You must’ve been talking to a different pool of men then. Was this recently? I know online dating has changed over the years.
Author Malin889 Posted January 24, 2019 Author Posted January 24, 2019 Personally, I always move to the video call pretty quick, if possible. But I don't want to waste a bunch of time. To me, online is just a way to set up dates, not for a pen pal. In my profile, I say “let’s meet up, I don’t want Penpals,” lol. I’ve gotten way too many guys who just message back and forth forever or ask for my number and text me back and forth, but never ask me out. I usually just stop answering them if they don’t ask me out after a few days. I had a guy the other day who we were messaging back and forth for a few days. Finally I said if you would like to go out sometime let me know. He emailed me back a message but never mentioned going out, so I didn’t email him back.
TheFinalWord Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 In my profile, I say “let’s meet up, I don’t want Penpals,” lol. I’ve gotten way too many guys who just message back and forth forever or ask for my number and text me back and forth, but never ask me out. I usually just stop answering them if they don’t ask me out after a few days. I had a guy the other day who we were messaging back and forth for a few days. Finally I said if you would like to go out sometime let me know. He emailed me back a message but never mentioned going out, so I didn’t email him back. Good mindset. I do the same.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 When I was doing online dating, the men I clicked with would contact me on the site, we'd exchange a few messages on the site to establish basic compatibility, then he'd ask for my number to text and call. He'd text a bit to make the connection, then usually call me that evening to have an intro conversation, and he'd usually ask me out for sometime in the next few days. I've never once in my life asked a man out, never did it on a dating site, either.
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Seriously, you never ask anyone out first? Then I must be doing something wrong then. Lol “The overwhelming majority of messages” asked you out— right away? You must’ve been talking to a different pool of men then. Was this recently? I know online dating has changed over the years. Same here. I never had to ask. Here is what you do girl. Talk to multiple men you are interested in. Respond to the guys you are interested in that message you and initiate messaging guys you are interested in. It's okay to say hello to a guy you like but this is the only initiating I do lol. Men that like you will contact you and carry on conversation so just gab away in the inbox with multiple guys. All you gotta do is talk to them. The guys that like you will ask you out in the messages or ask for your number. Thats it. Men that want to go out with you will tell you girl. Same thing for second dates, third dates...eighth dates. Same thing for I want you to be my girlfriend. All you gotta do is talk, positively respond, be your self your best self, and go with the flow. You literally just sit back and choose the guy that show you boyfriend-like actions lol. Now don't get me wrong I don't mean you can be any kind of way (negative selfish drama b*tchy bad hygiene) and land a guy which is why I say be your best self (positive, down to earth, appreciative of his efforts, reciprocal, tap into your feminine, smell great, confident). But you really don't have to chase a guy. You can but you don't have to and imo it's better that you don't.
LeojDon Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 After getting to know her a little and creating a good vibe in the chat, I'd generally just asked her 'What are you doing next Tuesday?' then if she says she's free from whichever time, I suggest a meet up at a place I've planned.
Insoc Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 I just wait after a few days, then say let's go out to this place and make a date, I don't ask them to do it, I do it, I'm a guy though. I don't get indecisive either.
bloodreaper Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 I met my girlfriend online. We chatted for about two days then asked her out. In order to make her feel comfortable, facetime or skype her and see if y'all click at all. if you don't get that vibe on video call, you probably shouldn't go out and waste your money.
chillii Posted January 25, 2019 Posted January 25, 2019 No rules in my short old career. Usually though somem like an email or two could l give you a call talk a bit and if l liked her her me felt good clicked a bit we'd try and work something out from there. lf not l wouldn't bother. Most were a fair way away so it wasn't as easy as just a coffee somewhere in my case.
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