mortensorchid Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 I was supposed to ha e an internet date tonight. I had connected with someone on Match the other week. We talked on the phone a few times, he seemed semi decent. We didn't meet last weekend because there was a blizzard and everyone stayed in. We texted during that weekend, I stayed in as did he. Then I switched shifts at my morning job and I was working into the evening. I said via text on Sunday of this shift change and maybe we could meet on Wednesday? He said ok sure, he thinks he can squeeze that in. Nothing since. I was supposed to meet him tonight and no one reached out. I'm sad. I am tired of being blown off and made to feel rejected at all times. 1
grays Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Maybe you should have texted him? I’m sorry, though. Dating has been pretty disappointing for me at times, too.
alphamale Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 there, there mortensorchid. you'll always be loved here on LS 1
Lobouspo Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Hang in there OP. I think anyone who has done OLD has had this happen to them. Keep your expectations in check and when meeting someone online have a backup plan. Remember in the grand scheme of things it only takes one. You don't need to hit a home run every time up. 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 The odds were stacked against you to meet this gentleman in a timely manner. First the blizzard happened (which neither of you can control), then you switched shifts (which he couldn't control) and Wednesday was probably already bad for him (which you can't control). So try one more time to get your schedules to sync up and give him a chance.
edgygirl Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Sorry I know it sucks. I am realizing when a man doesn't make the effort, it's better to let him go. I never forgot when I have a date booked, that's just disrespectful. I know it stings but it's a big red flag and it shows their character. I am going to stop making excuses for people who behave like that, even when I like them. 2
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Hang in there. Continue communicating with other men being your best self and the one guy who is interested in you will stand out from the rest of the flakes and duds by asking for your number/ask you out/ask when can he see you again/rinse repeat till he ask to be your boyfriend. All you gotta do is be positively responsive and say yes. You got this.
FMW Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 I don't know, I guess I'm in the minority here, but I think it's possible since you brought up Wednesday in the first place he kind of was waiting for you to firm up the plans. Timing has just been off with things out of your control, as Happy Lemming said. So I think it would have been perfectly fine for you to have checked in with him last night or this morning. But on the flip side it's also perfectly fine that you let it go if the guy won't take the lead. Sorry you're down about it 1
ChatroomHero Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Sorry I know it sucks. I am realizing when a man doesn't make the effort, it's better to let him go. I never forgot when I have a date booked, that's just disrespectful. I know it stings but it's a big red flag and it shows their character. I am going to stop making excuses for people who behave like that, even when I like them. Very true. With women, I used to think being a little persistent and taking the lead and following up etc., was just my responsibility. I learned over time it's not that complicated. If someone is interested to a level worth the effort, it is very easy. Regardless of who made the plans, if they are interested and I haven't followed up for a Wednesday date, early Wednesday they will follow up and ask what time, where, co-ordinate if I am picking her up etc. If they are not interested they do not follow up and if I reach out and they actually answer before the planned time, it is a delayed answer and always something came up last minute, maybe they can meet later, bla, bla, bla. If it is going to happen, one of the two people will reach out and the other will answer, doesn't get any simpler than that. I look at it now like there is nothing lost. The first sign of a slow text response I kind of check out and assume it's done. I still respond when I am able to, but I kind of move on. If I ask them for a date and get anything other than excitement, I check out. If we have plans and I get anything other than, "I'll be there", I check out. To that effect I have also found I check out if we plan to meet somewhere and it falls through because of weather, timing, car breaks down whatever on either end...it just usually seems like there is a window to get it right and if that window is lost for any reason, things fizzle out. Like maybe we both get a little excited, plans get blocked and then one or both loses the excitement. Frankly, I don't care too much until after the 2nd date if it goes well. Until then, they factor very little into my life and it might sound bad, but I care very little about them either way. I have yet to be disappointed to any significant level since thinking this way.
MidwestUSA Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 If your last communication was Sunday, and you were the one who suggested Wednesday (and not in an assertive manner - you left it at 'maybe'?), it wouldn't have hurt to text him last night to confirm. He may have blown you off then, in a more obvious manner, but at least you wouldn't be sitting here tonight wondering. Didn't we have this conversation before about who's 'allowed' to text and confirm things? You gotta be more assertive if you're going to play the game. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 I am tired of being blown off and made to feel rejected at all times. I feel for you because I went through the same thing. Get used to being rejected, not trying to be mean, but that's how online dating works. My solution was to always be talking to more then 1 guy (talking not sleeping w/). If one guy flaked, I had a few others lined up.
chillii Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Just wondering , is it Wednesday there yat , did you end up hearing from him ?
Author mortensorchid Posted January 24, 2019 Author Posted January 24, 2019 The exact text exchange was like this: M: "I was thinking maybe we could meet on Wednesday? I had a shift change and I am working the evening shift." H: "Ok that could work." M: "Ok I am working until 6 PM at (place) until then. You decide on the meeting place." H: "Ok sounds good." Nothing since. The ball was clearly in his court to choose the meeting place and solidify, which he didn't. I could have given another push, I suppose, but it seemed as if he was only saying yes at that point because I had asked him to do so. Should we have met, it would have been an okay evening and then I would have never heard from him again. Timing issue? I suppose but I am also consistently surprised at how little people care about others as this happens all the time. Not just to me but countless others out there.
toomanyquestions123 Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 OP, any updates yet? i only tried OLD once, my current one i'm dating. I is frustrating sometimes, but i mean what the hell, why you don't text him if you are still in for tonight ? If he flakes, then move on. You said it, he is semi-decent...
nospam99 Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 OP, I don't recall if you've ever said .... do you initiate contact or do you always wait for the men to contact you? With as many men as you have communicated with who have, one way or another, BEEN REJECTED BY YOU (usually because you didn't think they did enough to keep the communication going), I have to wonder. In all honesty, I (male) get rejection on OLD, too. But if I recall all your threads, you've had almost one 'miss' per week for several weeks. Your rate is four or five times mine. The common denominator in each situation is you or me. Without getting into my specific situation, what I'm wondering is how can there not be enough 'good' men where you live for you to keep 'striking out' (maybe I'm wrong). But one of the ultimate dynamics I see in OLD is who makes the first move. (Another is whether both daters keep showing interest after they've met.) And I understand that women, both in general and on OLD, don't want to take the role of the 'chaser'/hunter. But back to who makes the first move. Your desirability on OLD is presented by your profile. However 'good' or 'bad' it is, it will determine the quality of the men who take the initiative to contact you. If your tactic is to wait for first contact, you get what YOUR PROFILE attracts. If your tactic is to make first contact (definitely be selective), you open up more possibilities to at least meet someone who you will WANT to date. So, back to my question - how often do you wait and how often do you make contact? FWIW, the ONE 'unicorn' who I was lucky enough to meet via OLD, contacted me first. To be fair, the reason I didn't contact her first was location - at an hour one way drive she lives about ten minutes beyond my most generous search criteria. Aside from location, she'd have been at the top of my 'to be contacted' list. 2
Malin889 Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 The exact text exchange was like this: M: "I was thinking maybe we could meet on Wednesday? I had a shift change and I am working the evening shift." H: "Ok that could work." M: "Ok I am working until 6 PM at (place) until then. You decide on the meeting place." H: "Ok sounds good." Nothing since. The ball was clearly in his court to choose the meeting place and solidify, which he didn't. I could have given another push, I suppose, but it seemed as if he was only saying yes at that point because I had asked him to do so. Should we have met, it would have been an okay evening and then I would have never heard from him again. Timing issue? I suppose but I am also consistently surprised at how little people care about others as this happens all the time. Not just to me but countless others out there. Yes a lot of online dating is flaky. As communication methods have grown, communication between people has gotten worse. However, you should have reached out last night when you didn’t hear from him. I think you should reach out again to try to reschedule. If he doesn’t respond, then on to the next. But hopefully he will!
Happy Lemming Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Now that I've read the exact verbiage that was written, I do think the guy dropped the ball and isn't really interested. Either that or he doesn't date during the week, but if that was the case, he should have said "Wednesday(s) are bad for me" and asked about Friday or Saturday night. "mortensorchid" told him her schedule for Wednesday night. Instead of him just saying OK, I would have said "OK... Do you like tex-mex??, if "mortensorchid" responded "yes" I would have said meet me at Z-Tejas at 8:30, I'll wear a red turtleneck so you can easily spot me. His responds of "OK, sounds good" is weak, as she asked him to pick a place and he didn't. Any guy worth his salt (in the dating game) has a mental list of restaurants in the area.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Yeah, I agree with Red Turtleneck/Happy Lemming. 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Yeah, I agree with Red Turtleneck/Happy Lemming. Yes, that was my "go to" outfit for first dates (during the winter) after meeting someone and asking them out. I always got to the destination early and wore my "L.L. Bean" red turtleneck, to make it easy for the woman. This was also "pre-cell phone" days. I think it help put the woman at ease as its one less thing (spotting the guy in a crowd) for her to worry about. 1
Malin889 Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Now that I've read the exact verbiage that was written, I do think the guy dropped the ball and isn't really interested. Either that or he doesn't date during the week, but if that was the case, he should have said "Wednesday(s) are bad for me" and asked about Friday or Saturday night. "mortensorchid" told him her schedule for Wednesday night. Instead of him just saying OK, I would have said "OK... Do you like tex-mex??, if "mortensorchid" responded "yes" I would have said meet me at Z-Tejas at 8:30, I'll wear a red turtleneck so you can easily spot me. His responds of "OK, sounds good" is weak, as she asked him to pick a place and he didn't. Any guy worth his salt (in the dating game) has a mental list of restaurants in the area. Red turtleneck! Ha! 1
JuneL Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Looking at their brief convo, I got the impression there’s no much enthusiasm on both sides. If I have to cancel or postpone a meeting due to something even out of my own control, I would at least say sorry and elaborate a bit more; this is also the opportunity to say something cute to show off your personality. This guy may well think you had a better option coming up for the weekend, and demoted him to a weekday. Even arranging logistics doesn’t have to be boring and dry; it can be playful and fun. 1
frigginlost Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Looking at their brief convo, I got the impression there’s no much enthusiasm on both sides. If I have to cancel or postpone a meeting due to something even out of my own control, I would at least say sorry and elaborate a bit more; this is also the opportunity to say something cute to show off your personality. This guy may well think you had a better option coming up for the weekend, and demoted him to a weekday. Even arranging logistics doesn’t have to be boring and dry; it can be playful and fun. Bingo. If I get a whiff of non-interest from a woman or waiting for me to do all the "chasing", I'm gone. OLD has turned dating into a competition to women and it's a game some don't play. I think JuneL nailed it.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 You didn't do anything wrong. If a man is truly interested, he'll move heaven and earth to make it happen. 99% of people on dating sites are low-quality for one reason or another - not over their ex, flaky as hell, just looking for a hookup, etc. You have to accept that it's a search for a needle in a haystack and let all the random pieces of hay fall away. A little update on my blossoming relationship that started on a free dating site 2 months ago: we've had a few breaks and a couple of short breakups, but we're back on now and it's wonderful. He's not perfect, I'm not perfect, and we're trying to find middle ground because we click in so many ways and have an absolute blast doing anything together. He completely rocked my world last night and this morning, not just with the hot sex of my dreams, but picking out a cute movie just for me, massaging me before bed, cooking me breakfast this morning, texting me sweetness today. I've talked to all my close friends and family about him, he's met some of them, and they all say he's an amazing guy and a keeper and we're obviously so happy together. What worked for me is getting very solid on my own, enjoying my life and celebrating my many blessings every day, getting super clear in my mind about what I want. Once I got really bold in my dreaming and visualizing what I wanted, he appeared, in many ways much better than I ever imagined. The right man for you is out there, just hoping and praying and searching for you. Get yourself into a self-loving, happy state of mind so you'll be ready to greet him with a big smile and hug when he arrives
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 And I understand that women, both in general and on OLD, don't want to take the role of the 'chaser'/hunter. But back to who makes the first move. I am one of many who don't believe women should chase. However when it comes to online dating and even in real life there is NOTHING wrong with initiating the greeting. I do say hello online to a guy I find attractive and I will say hi offline. But thats it lmao. After my initial greeting I believe it's better and more effective to allow men to ask for the number, ask me out, first kiss, ask to be exclusive, say I love you, ask to meet family, say I want to marry you...but you at the beginning you got out yourself out there. He can take it from there if he likes ya
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