Tough situation, I walked away because I didn't like her new terms.Questioning things

January 23, 2019

Hello all, here's the breakdown of my little situation.

Me - 39 divorced, no kids

Her - 41 divorced, 4 teenage kids

Time together - Aug - Jan

We met on a dating app, and things were pretty good. After Thanksgiving, things started to change a bit and I my stomach was telling me something wasn't right. She would contact me daily, and we live about 10 minutes away from each other, yet I wasn't able to come by because she lives with her kids. She was able to get away and stay over when her Mom watched the kids, but we went from seeing each other twice a week, to once a week. I then had a lung infection where I was eventually hospitalized, but hardly heard from her. She said I wasn't talking to her because I didn't agree with her flying for a week with to finish a college project with her professor. She said I should trust her, but when I found out she was flying to his vacation home in Texas, I didn't agree. She didn't care, but flew anyway. She came back about a week later and apologized, so I agreed to see her again. Two days later, during Christmas break where I thought we'd do something, she flew to Florida to get away from work and relax. I thought she'd go with her kids, but three of them were back at home where her Mom watched them and she met up with her 19 year old in Florida. She kept in contact, but again, I was feeling very iffy.

She said she wanted to come back early and spend NYE with me, so I agreed and got some tickets to an event we can both go to. She said she was flying back in the morning and I said I can pick her up at her home, she agreed. The day before, she said she's flying in late and wasn't able to get an earlier flight. She wanted me to pay for an taxi to take her from the Airport to our event, I declined. She then said why can't you pick me up? I was working that day 2 hours away, and it just wasn't possible. She made a whole big deal about it, but she didn't seem to understand, which bogle's my mind. We seemed to have a good time and then she came back to my place after NYE. I cannot drink alcohol due to the meds and steroids I am on, and she didn't drink. She brought up the sending a car for her at the airport and who other men have done it before, but didn't understand why I refused to do so. I said, you know what, maybe you have the wrong guy. You want me to drive 2 hours away from work to pick you up from the airport or send you an Uber. You think that's right? She said yes. I just turned to go to sleep and said that's not right or fair. She then got close and hugged me and said she'll drop it.

A few days later she came down with a cold or flu. I gave her some zinc and other items to help speed up the recovery, but she refused to take them because she didn't like the taste of the zinc cough drops. I said we should reschedule for a few days later as I have a weaken immune system and I do not want to get sick. She said okay. Then, about an hour later I received a barrage of texts from her.

In synopsis, they were as follows. I really like you and have a great time with you, but we are from two different worlds. I expect my man to take care of me when I am sick (notice she left me for dead when I was in the hospital and never visited me during recovery even though she lives very close) or pay for my Uber rides. I would still like see you and hang out, but on a non-exclusive basis. You're a great guy and so on. I just replied, okay, take care and good bye. She then replied, so you agree? I said no. Have a good life. She didn't understand why and said I hope you change your mind and should I contact you again. All I said you killed it with the text above (it was much longer, but that's the gist). Nothing is written in stone, so who know's what the future is for us. I just said take care and I wish you well. She replied hugs and kisses and I hope you contact me again. I replied, no worries, I won't. She ended, well, if you do, I'm here.

My friends tell me she wanted to just keep it casual and I thought it more towards friendship, but I don't know. Regardless, I thought it was disrespectful from her part where I was being kept as a plan B at best case scenario.

Did I handle it correctly? I just feel bad, though, she was back on the online dating site the same day. I re-enabled mine from hidden a few days later. I think I did the right thing, whereas it seemed I was being downgraded from exclusive, which we did talk about in October, to non-exclusive or FWB. Did I over react?

Just confused.

January 23, 2019

I think you had different expectations. Part of dating is identifying what does not work for you. Personally I could not date somebody who didn't have the compassion to visit me in the hospital.

January 23, 2019

She was right to speak up and air her grievances, you responded with your point of view, and the conclusion is that you two have different expectations of each other. So yes go no contact, it's over.

January 23, 2019

She claimed she didn't know as we weren't speaking then because she flew to finish her project at her professors house where he was vacationing. I thought that was very inappropriate and she claims she was staying at a hotel. Her biggest issue was that she expected me to pay for the car service and take care of her when she had the flu. When she was sick or hurt previously, I did. However, since I have a lowered immune system due to steroids and surgery, I didn't want to take the risk in catching something. She even said she understood in the text, but then counter-acted that saying that she expects her partner to take care of her when she's not feeling well. I did not want to take care of her, it was I was afraid what would happen to me. I just got out of surgery two weeks prior.

I thought that was very cold so that is why I didn't agree to her new terms and walked away. I felt very disrespected and felt that my feelings and needs were undermined.

January 23, 2019

OK so it turns out she lacks any kind of empathy and is high maintenance. Kick to curb. You dodged a bullet my friend.

I'm not sure why you would ever question or feel differently about your decision. She's terribly selfish.

January 23, 2019

I agree with Smackie, you dodged a bullet. She sounds entitled, spoiled and selfish.

January 23, 2019

I think you had different expectations. Part of dating is identifying what does not work for you. Personally I could not date somebody who didn't have the compassion to visit me in the hospital.

"I think you had different expectations"

They did have different expectations -- she wanted to do whatever she wanted, unquestioned, wanted him to accommodate her life with kids and be taken care of and run all over this guy and he expected her to be, ya know, not "nutz"

January 23, 2019

I think you did the right thing.

You suspect she's not being honest about her actions with the professor, and you both can't agree on boundaries there.

She won't come visit you in the hospital, but she expects you to be with her while she's sick. Different expectations there.

She wants you to be a car service from the airport including paying for cab fare, but you think that's expecting too much.

You argue, she starts to change her mind, and then texts later that she doesn't agree.

You two just don't match up well enough to continue. On top of that, she's already on a dating app. I'd move on.

January 23, 2019

She was fine and we worked together and well until November. It was just weird how things just flipped. I asked a few women I worked with and they thought it was strange too. They also said she thought she had you wrapped around her finger and was surprised you walked away so fast. I just felt incredibly disrespected, that was all. I tend to not stay with people when I feel I'm not being respected. When I was in the hospital and in recovery, I was very surprised she never stopped by when she lives so close.

Another thing I thought was strange was she didn't like the hotel we were meeting up at. It was a Marriott. I said we were going to stay here for NYE, but she said she didn't care for it. She likes Conrad Hiltons or The Ritz-Carlton when she travels. I was taken back a bit. I then questioned her sincerity. It's not like she doesn't earn a lot of money. She makes six figures. She didn't come off as materialistic at first, I wonder how or why it changed. One of my friends said people can only keep on a mask for so long until the real person is shown.

Again, just taken back as it was a completely different person five months later.

January 23, 2019

It sucks when you notice that kind of a flip in someone, but that's part of the point in dating. You figure out what someone is like. Definitely seems like she had a mask on.

I personally would not be into someone like that at all. She seems inconsiderate and entitled. I expect an equal partner who acts like an adult. Not someone who expects me to call an Uber for them if I'm two hours away from the airport.

January 23, 2019

a 2 hour drive? she was servants not boyfriends ... really ... you can do so much better

January 23, 2019

She wanted what she could not deliver...and they were things she definitely could deliver on. Compassion, awareness of your own current health issues, respect; there are many ways to deliver on this even if she was short on money due to being in school(which was not the case). It is for the best that she is not with you.

Edited January 23, 2019 by LurkerXX

January 23, 2019

It sucks when you notice that kind of a flip in someone, but that's part of the point in dating. You figure out what someone is like. Definitely seems like she had a mask on.

I personally would not be into someone like that at all. She seems inconsiderate and entitled. I expect an equal partner who acts like an adult. Not someone who expects me to call an Uber for them if I'm two hours away from the airport.

It was a strange conversation. She knew I was working on the 31st two states away. Her reasoning was if you were coming back to pick me up anyway, what's the big deal. Prob. was the airport is an hour away from where we live, I was 1.5 hours away from her home. I was trying to compromise and drive back to pick her up at her place and then we' drive together to the city. She then said, why can't you just order a Uber and send it to me? Every other guy I've dated either picked me up or was considerate enough to send me an Uber. After all, I flew back to spend time with you on NYE.

I was just shocked at the conversation. I said, I have no issues spending money if I want to do so. In all my years, I've never had a woman request for me to send them a car; let alone pay for it.

I planed a nice NYE for us which I thought we'd both enjoy. I felt very used and looked like a wallet, not someone who wants to be with me for me. Again, completely different from when we first met.

Not seeing me when I was in recovery or in the hospital was pretty hurtful. Flying to do finish a project with her professor I thought was really bad too. I asked other people and no one seemed to agree with her thinking. Then this BS text for just to be non-exclusive and still hang out and see where things go, really felt like a low blow. It made me think I am good enough to have sex with, but she wants to have other guys as options too. I can see a casual relationship building into an exclusive relationship, but I've not heard of the reverse. If she told me from the beginning that what she wanted, I would had adjusted my expectations.

I just feel like 2 cents now, used and taken advantage of.

January 23, 2019

She wanted what she could not deliver...and they were things she definitely could deliver on. Compassion, awareness of your own current health issues, respect; there are many ways to deliver on this even if she was short on money due to being in school(which was not the case). It is for the best that she is not with you.

She makes over 100k a year, so she's not hurting for money. That's not the issue, as if we were serious, which it seemed to be building up to, I would help in emergencies.

Interestingly enough, she also texted if we were to get married, she wanted the option not to work, and I feel you'd want me to work and not stay home. Just a surreal experience.

January 23, 2019

a 2 hour drive? she was servants not boyfriends ... really ... you can do so much better

She didn't seem to care less. She just didn't want to pay for the Uber. That's how I felt. I even told her, I'm not a chauffeur. If that's what you need or want, you have the wrong guy. You're looking for a doormat, and I cannot help you there.

January 23, 2019

I think you did the right thing. She wants you to be someone you aren't. She also sounds like she is seriously on the hunt but that's another story. Don't you want to be that special guy to someone who loves you as you are? Miscommunication is one thing--this feels different. I think you should stay no contact. Good luck

January 23, 2019

She was fine and we worked together and well until November. It was just weird how things just flipped. I asked a few women I worked with and they thought it was strange too. They also said she thought she had you wrapped around her finger and was surprised you walked away so fast. <snip>

She sounds like a selfish pain in the arse who really never respected your wishes. And I am sorry, right or wrong, a 40 something with 4 kids is going to have a tough time in the dating world. My suggestion is when you date someone hot, make sure she sees pictures so you can rub it in a bit.

Edited January 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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January 23, 2019

Sounds like you dodged a giant bullet with this princess...

She is looking for a guy to "take care of her" i.e use them for their money

so she has a luxury life.

This woman is a user, selfish and only thinks of herself.

Why would you want to bother with someone like her?

I am so happy you dumped her in a second, she was totally caught off guard

hence , why she asked if you agreed. I am sure she has pulled the same b.s. with other guys and they ended up kissing her butt when presented the same question.

Bid good riddance to this lady, she is a poor choice for a gf.

I wish you luck

January 23, 2019

She sounds like a selfish pain in the arse who really never respected your wishes. And I am sorry, right or wrong, a 40 something with 4 kids is going to have a tough time in the dating world. My suggestion is when you date someone hot, make sure she sees pictures so you can rub it in a bit.

I will give her that, she's attractive. However, I've dated attractive women before, this was the first that brought nothing to the table aside from her looks. I try to give all a clean slate, but as soon as I saw her take advantage of her mom by having her mom, 68, watch her kids while she's was with me or somewhere else, I thought that wasn't very respectful to her mom. I then wondered if she doesn't respect her mom, what will become of me?

January 23, 2019

Sounds like you dodged a giant bullet with this princess...<snip>

As strange as it sounds, she started calling herself a princess towards the end of the relationship; if one would even call it that. Just a sad experience. I know when someone is trying to use me. I do not get angry, I just calmly say bye and walk away. If she was like this to me in the beginning, then I would had left then.

Edited January 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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January 23, 2019

I think you did the right thing. She wants you to be someone you aren't. She also sounds like she is seriously on the hunt but that's another story. Don't you want to be that special guy to someone who loves you as you are? Miscommunication is one thing--this feels different. I think you should stay no contact. Good luck

After that barrage of text messages, she seemed to be looking more for a sugar daddy than anything else. She doesn't come from a rich family that I know of. I was surprised to see how she turned into a woman just take take taking and giving nothing. Not sure how anyone could think that anything real could come out of a relationship like that. I guess I was looking for logic and reason in an illogical situation.

January 23, 2019

As strange as it sounds, she started calling herself a princess towards the end of the relationship; if one would even call it that. Just a sad experience. I know when someone is trying to use me. I do not get angry, I just calmly say bye and walk away. If she was like this to me in the beginning, then I would had left then.

She ran the bait and switch to get you.

When she saw you would not do whatever she wanted she backed off to keep looking for what she did want, a sucker who would pay for everything and take care of her. Then she wanted to keep you as an option. You went against what normally happens and she was thrown by you dumping her ass.

I am guessing that she acts great in the beginning to reel you in, then resorts to her normal self after some time thinking: I am hot and they are lucky to have me in their life, he will kiss my butt and do what I want to keep me around.

I am a princess and deserve to be treated as such!

Good job respecting yourself. I wish you luck finding someone much better than her

January 24, 2019

She said I should trust her, but when I found out she was flying to his vacation home in Texas, I didn't agree. She didn't care, but flew anyway.

I would have ignored her for good here. The rest was unnecessary drama that could have been avoided. This is a woman you do not need my friend. Find someone else less narcissistic, entitled, disrespectful, selfish, and just all around effed up.

January 24, 2019

She ran the bait and switch to get you.<snip>

Was thinking the same thing. Just a crazy experience. I just second guessed myself for a time here.

Edited January 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

January 24, 2019

I would have ignored her for good here. The rest was unnecessary drama that could have been avoided. This is a woman you do not need my friend. Find someone else less narcissistic, entitled, disrespectful, selfish, and just all around effed up.

Actually I did. She reached out a week after she came back and apologized for the whole ordeal, so I stupidity gave her another shot. My fault in taking her back only to break it off again two weeks later. I should had known better.

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Tough situation, I walked away because I didn't like her new terms.Questioning things

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