StellerBella Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We have been living together for almost 3 years. Lately I have been feeling like the best thing to do is to end our relationship but I'm so confused and not sure what to do. These are the reasons that are prompting me to consider ending it. 1. About a year ago I found some animal porn on his computer. When I confronted him about it he said that he was holding onto it for someone else and was going to be burning it onto CD and deleting it. I didn't know what to believe so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and trusted him. Two weeks later it was still there and so was a whole bunch of transsexual stuff. When I asked him about that he said that it was his and he was just curious. He said that he didn't like it and it was only curiousity. I am a very open person and I have no problem in talking about anything, so I can't understand why he would hide this from me. Anyway, about 2 months ago I was on his computer using the internet. I wanted to go into a webpage that I was looking at previously but had forgotten was the url was, so I went into the history and found google searches of animal porn pictures. I had to remind myself to breathe. When I confronted him again, he denied it all, saying that it must of been spyware or something like that. But there is something that tells me otherwise. I haven't found anything since, but I also haven't been on his computer much either. 2. When I was a child until I was about 18 my mother was an alcoholic and because of that I can't really tolerate to be in an environment where people are getting blind drunk. I don't mind having a few drinks but when someone wants to get off their face it brings back to many memories and I can't handle the situation. My partner doesn't drink much because of this. But every so often we get in big arguements because he wants to get blind drunk and I tell him that I don't want him to, or at least to leave the house if he wants to do that so I don't have to be around him. He tells me that this is his house and he can do what he likes. He also said that I need to see someone about this problem - which I agree with, but he told me this is YOUR problem you need to go see someone. 3. His best friend. His best friend lives 6 hours away from us and likes to visit every so often. I don't mind him staying for 2 or 3 nights but not a week at a time. I don't really like his best friend but I feel I make an effort because he is important to my partner. My partner and I had a discussion the other day about when his friend comes to stay. I was told that I dont act nice enough, and that I can be a mean bitch and should fake nice. I told him that I am pleasant to him, I don't go out of my way to have a conversation but I am always nice to him. I said that if I feel uncomfortable with this person in my house that I shouldn't have to tolerate it in my own home. He told me that if I dont let his friend stay that I am being unreasonable and rude. He told me that it doesn't matter what I say, he will stay in our house when he is here and that he will pick his friend over me every time in this situation. Plus his friend is an alcoholic and only encourages No# 2. 4. We have lots of little disagreements over really stupid things. He is always trying to be right. He is very opinionated. He doesn't like me being around my friends on my own for too long because he thinks they "change" me or put ideas in my head. He belittles me sometimes and when I point it out, he always says that he wasn't. He sometimes treats me like his mother i.e getting him things etc. Don't get me wrong there are good times aswell and I know that I love him, but I don't know if its worth putting up with the bad when its like this. And I'm not trying to portray him as the bad one in this relationship because I know that I can be a bitch too. He can be really sensitive, so I worry if I was to end it if he would handle it okay. Does anyone have any suggestions? Please, I really need the advice
CHAZ87 Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 With my limited experience, I'll give you what I got: 1.The man has some problems if he is into bestiality and trannys. Even if he was "holding onto it" for someone, he has the wrong kind of friends. Something just isn't stiring the kool-aid. 2.You grew up around alcoholism and that is your porblem? I would see someone if I started that trait. If he wants to get piss drunk, let him go out and do it. He should respect you enough not to do it in your presence. 3.I have never had a friend who I was close enough to to pick him over my SO. There again is the respect issue. If you act civil to this friend, even though you don't like him, I don't see a problem. Have you told your bf that you don't like this friend? I still don't see him respecting you. 4.It sounds like he is a very controlling , disrespctful, animal pron addict. Unless he can make some drastic changes in those depts., I would wonder why you are still with him. I think all women deserve respect from their SO's. It can really do wonders for a relationship. I think you should tell him your feelings that you are considering ending the relationship. What harm could it do if you already are questioning whether or not to stay together.' Good luck
Author StellerBella Posted September 18, 2005 Author Posted September 18, 2005 Thanks CHAZ87 for your reply. I have told him in depth about my feelings and especially my feelings toward his friend. We almost broke up about 1 or 2 months ago, but I just couldn't go through with it and caved. So he knows about all the problems that we have. I want to sort things out and talk over things but we never seem to get to the talking part. Its almost like it gets forgotten about because theres no need to worry cos we are staying together. Does anyone else have any advice?
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