BC1980 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Which seems to be considered valid advice. Yeah, I don't get that. I'm not saying you need to text someone immediately or often after one date. That lacks composure and looks desperate. But these texting games to get the upper hand are tired. No one is fooling anyone. Purposely waiting an hour to respond, ect. Just let it develop organically. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Hey Everyone, My question for you all is if you follow up after dates like this, and if so, how/when? BJP If you like this girl and want to see her then follow up soon! Heck same day is fine. I wouldn't judge a guy negatively for saying he would like to see me again soon after our date. If I like him I'm saying yes! And if he smart he should make it known early so she can fit him in her schedule. Wait too long some other guy going to make plans and block your behind. Listen. Stop that wait three days sh*t if you like her and want to see her again. That's not making a girl like you more. She already like you if she responding to you and going out with you. Guy A ask her out again next day after their date. She say yes Guy B ask her out again next day after their date. She say no Two different guys ask the same question. But one got yes based on like not some game playing BS When you like someone your not as judgy and you allow things (which is why we got ridiculous questions on ls of people trying to hold on to love interests who treating them bad lmao) If we like a guy it don't matter if he says he wants to see us again soon after the date. We going to say yes because we like him. So continue to ask her out. Drop the games. All you need observe is if she likes you and you will know because she will just keep saying yes 1
BaileyB Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Reading this discussion just makes me so happy that I don’t have to date anymore...
elaine567 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) Precisely why it is "risky" to reach out too soon in the first place. That is why I assume all women are around a 6-7 interest in me ALWAYS after a first date, regardless if we hooked up or not. Treat all women the same! Why is it risky? If she ain't interested she ain't interested, but it is your fragile ego you are protecting here I get it. Leave her a week and you can blame the delay, instead of her rejecting you after 24 hours which is a much bigger hit to your ego. Women who want you, never get upset about early contact. It is the ones who are iffy about you or who do not like you that get upset about "clingy" guys. Edited January 21, 2019 by elaine567 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 You're right....I've never "been there before"....:lmao: TFY Stay in your lane, old man! You have no right to be giving advice to someone younger than you! 3
BaileyB Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Women who want you, never get upset about early contact. Exactly. A woman who wants you will want more of you! She will want to know when she will see you again. And let’s just say, whether you want to see her casually or whether you are looking for a relationship... if you want more sex, you can never go wrong with telling a woman that you enjoyed yourself. Sooner. Than. Later. Don’t make her wait and wonder... it will NOT help your cause. 2
Author BJP1991 Posted January 21, 2019 Author Posted January 21, 2019 After a lot of internal debate, I decided to message her today, hoping her day has gone well and saying it was nice meeting her and would be great to see her again sometime soon. I closed the text message asking her availability later this week/weekend. When I left her apartment yesterday morning, she gave me a very passionate kiss (her tongue was in my mouth before I could do anything about it), so I hope that is an indicator that she is looking forward to seeing me again. I suppose only time will tell - if she doesn’t reply with anything but a positive tone, I’m never taking advice from this forum again - LOL.
chillii Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) l don't get the fuss from what l see you haven't mentioned anything about her as such, do you even like her or is she even anything special compared to all these others your seeing anyway, why do you even want to actually see her again ? If you only wanna sleep wit her again just call her up and do somem, maybe she's just had her fun too. Edited January 21, 2019 by chillii 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 if she doesn’t reply with anything but a positive tone, I’m never taking advice from this forum again - LOL. LOL!!! :lmao: Please let us know how it goes. Although, I'm not sure why you're so invested since all you want from her is sex/her body. There must be plenty of other women who can fulfill this basic want. 1
BaileyB Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 I suppose only time will tell - if she doesn’t reply with anything but a positive tone, I’m never taking advice from this forum again - LOL. Lol. If she doesn’t reply, it means she was either looking for a one night stand or she doesn’t reciprocate your interest. Only time will tell - such is the risk you take when you date. Good luck! 2
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 (edited) After a lot of internal debate, I decided to message her today, hoping her day has gone well and saying it was nice meeting her and would be great to see her again sometime soon. I closed the text message asking her availability later this week/weekend <snip> Lmaaaaoooo!!! You will be alright keep us posted Edited January 22, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
curlygirl40 Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 If you don't want a relationship with this girl but just want to date around, I'm not sure why you care so much. But with that being said, to me it's just good manners to reach out right away. You're playing games for no reason. If you like her you at least send a quick text the next day. If you're not being clingy, you are not going to change how she feels about you just by sending one text. So if she's not interested, it will have nothing to do with you reaching out the next day. Like some of the posters here, I actually would be less interested if I had sex and then didn't hear from you for a few days. Reeks of game play to me or of someone who is not interested and keeping options open.
Lotsgoingon Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 OP, Uh ... if she doesn't respond positively, that means she doesn't respond positively. Means she isn't interested and certainly would not have been more interested had you waited three days. You're getting lost in thinking you can control her response by timing your ask just right. Sorry dude, dating and romance don't work like that. If she's not that into seeing you again ... if that night was merely a fling for her ... if she's eyeing another guy ... if she didn't have as much fun as you think she had ... there are 100 reasons for her not to respond with interest ... and they would have nothing to do with the timing of your approach. But if she does have an interest in you, my view is you raised your chances of going out with her again by contacting her today ... There is no guarantee. For all you know, she may not want you to contact her at all-- today or three days or next week. No insult intended.. 4
MaleIntuition Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 The gender stereotyping in this thread is ridiculous. Everyone assume that she is purely interested in a relationship when in reality we don’t know her story. Looking for a relationship? A fun night? A rebound? Who knows. OP, on the other hand, is looking for NSA, in that case; texting the next day sends the Wrong signal. If you want something to not get serious then I would advice OP to treat it as such. 1
losangelena Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 The gender stereotyping in this thread is ridiculous. Everyone assume that she is purely interested in a relationship when in reality we don’t know her story. Looking for a relationship? A fun night? A rebound? Who knows. OP, on the other hand, is looking for NSA, in that case; texting the next day sends the Wrong signal. If you want something to not get serious then I would advice OP to treat it as such. I was very confused by OP’s original message. It didn’t read at all to me as the concerns of a guy who’d like to continue boning the woman from the other night. Jeez, maybe I am out of touch with the younger set, but I would not classify what I do with casual sex partners as “dating.” Going over to a man’s house for dinner has a different set of connotations, like genuine romantic interest. OP, believe it or not, us old folk have casual sex. If that’s what you wanted out of this arrangement, I guarantee you’d have gotten different responses if you’d made that clear from the beginning. I personally don’t like to see my fwbs very often, ‘cause otherwise emotions start to morph. If anything, make sure you two are on the same page before proceeding any further. 3
Andy_K Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 If anything, make sure you two are on the same page before proceeding any further. Herein lies a problem... OP is results-focused. If she's looking for casual, then great for him either way, but if she isn't then checking she is on the same page will result in no more sex. On the other hand, leaving things murky and unspecified would give him plausible deniability when she eventually asks where they stand. Sooner or later it always boils down to how much you want sex and how much you want a clear conscience... 1
losangelena Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 Herein lies a problem... OP is results-focused. If she's looking for casual, then great for him either way, but if she isn't then checking she is on the same page will result in no more sex. On the other hand, leaving things murky and unspecified would give him plausible deniability when she eventually asks where they stand. Sooner or later it always boils down to how much you want sex and how much you want a clear conscience... I totally understand what you’re saying and I agree, however, I am a big proponent of tranperancy in this area. I think a lot of confusion and hurt feelings in dating would be cleared up if people, of any gender, were simply more up-front about what they want. I guarantee that there are woman in the world who are down with casual sex—I am one of them (lord knows, I talk about all the time on here), and I appreciate it 10x more when a man is clear in what he’s after. It makes everything so much more relaxed, and there is no time or mental energy wasted on “what is this person thinking/feeling?” A crazy notion, I’m sure, this authenticity business. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 OP, Uh ... if she doesn't respond positively, that means she doesn't respond positively. Means she isn't interested and certainly would not have been more interested had you waited three days. You're getting lost in thinking you can control her response by timing your ask just right. Sorry dude, dating and romance don't work like that. If she's not that into seeing you again ... if that night was merely a fling for her ... if she's eyeing another guy ... if she didn't have as much fun as you think she had ... there are 100 reasons for her not to respond with interest ... and they would have nothing to do with the timing of your approach. Exactly!!!! 1
d0nnivain Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 After a lot of internal debate, I decided to message her today, hoping her day has gone well and saying it was nice meeting her and would be great to see her again sometime soon. I closed the text message asking her availability later this week/weekend. See you violated your own rule here. You said yourself that next day contact never works because you prefer to leave some mystery. That is not bad thinking but it's not what you did. I for one point blank told you to reach out & say something but not about another date, just contact to prove to her that you didn't just use her & throw her away. My recommendation was to confirm you had fun & comment about the weather. It would have been fine for you to leave the mystery surrounding the possibility of a 2nd date. You added in the part about seeing her again which comes across as disingenuous because it's not specific & plays like the old time "I'll call you" when the man has no intention. You took away the mystery & the anticipation. You are right about the opening stages being a balance & a delicate dance. IMO you mis-stepped, in part because you weren't true to yourself. Hopefully she will respond positively but what does that mean, especially if you are not looking for anything serious? Your message about another date especially a weekend date telegraphs potential relationship. You said you didn't want that so why are you acting like you do? 2
Mrs._December Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 I know some men insist on usually allowing the girl to do all the initiating..... Seriously? Those must be some pretty lonely men. 2
Mrs._December Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 ... I just get a feeling it is a “little” too soon (after all, I just saw her yesterday morning when I left her house)... So let me get this straight. It wasn't 'too soon' to have sex with a total stranger a mere 3 hours after meeting her, and it wasn't 'too soon' to spend the night sleeping in her bed a mere 3 hours after meeting her. Check. But you're suddenly playing games with what the 'correct' time would be to contact her again because you don't want it to be "too soon???" If it wasn't "too soon" to have sex with her after only 3 hours of getting to know her, why on earth is reaching out to her now all of a sudden "too soon?" You've got to be kidding me. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 (edited) So let me get this straight.<snip> Well, he doesn't want to give the poor woman the crazy idea that she is actually worth something. Edited January 22, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote. 2
guest569 Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 I think you did the right thing. Regardless of whether she wants to see you again or not (she has her own free will) it’s polite and gentlemanly to send a “hey, had a nice time” text.i think it’s always better to be up front about your intentions, prior to sleeping together. Saves angst and confusion later on. 1
Versacehottie Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 The gender stereotyping in this thread is ridiculous. Everyone assume that she is purely interested in a relationship when in reality we don’t know her story. Looking for a relationship? A fun night? A rebound? Who knows. OP, on the other hand, is looking for NSA, in that case; texting the next day sends the Wrong signal. If you want something to not get serious then I would advice OP to treat it as such. Oh yeah i would agree with this (and you might have even been speaking about me with regards to her possibly wanting a relationship). I was going to make another post later that said as much that this girl could not want a relationship either at all--very possible, especially since she slept together with him on the first night (sorry for the stereotype of that!!). I think i did say he will hit a crossroads based on how his goals match up with hers. Which works from her perspective too--if she just wanted a rebound or a hookup or didn't think the sex was very good, she could easily be one and done. I think the OP can only operate right now from the perspective of what he wants, which sounds like casual dating and the freedom to see others and not get tied down. In which case there is absolutely no harm in contacting right away or a span of a few days because the goal is fun so he should seize on the momentum and strike while the iron is hot. A mutual fling. He's worried about being friend zoned though so that already tells me (at least) that ANYTHING he does to act more confident, dateable should help him with girls, i.e. DO NOT take the passive route. If he disses her by waiting too long whether she wanted just hookups or real dating and is a passive guy overall, she will likely lose interest. If it was just a hookup to her, there is almost nothing he could do to change what she was going to do (and vice versa). Anyway, he texted her so hopefully he heard back
Author BJP1991 Posted January 22, 2019 Author Posted January 22, 2019 Well, he doesn't want to give the poor woman the crazy idea that she is actually worth something. I take offence from your glaring assumption. Pampering a woman and giving her too much validation early on only serves to lower her interest level. Honestly I’m just trying to keep as many women in my rotation as possible, and all of that beta-make provider advice you dish out only serves to lower a woman’s interest level. Some things you cannot know until you experience them, and from my perspective, you seem lacking in that department. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it back.
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