BJP1991 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Hey Everyone, Just got home from a successful first date two nights ago (saturday night). Met this girl on a dating app and setup an evening date for drinks - we had 3-4 drinks over the course of 3ish hours at 3 different bars on the same street. Ended up back at her place, hooking up twice and I slept there (she insisted, I was fine with it). My question for you all is if you follow up after dates like this, and if so, how/when? Typically, I will wait 3-4 days to follow up, say I had a nice time, and text something along the lines of "would be great to see you again, whats your schedule like later this week/coming weekend?" I'm already thinking it would be nice to have her over one evening for dinner, or something along those lines. I know some men insist on usually allowing the girl to do all the initiating, which is understandable at times, but I'd like to hear both sides of the coin if at all possible. I am seeing other women as well, so it is not at all like this new girl is the only one I am thinking about seeing again/more often. I would like to see her again sometime maybe in the coming weekend - so any advice on what to text/when to send it is appreciated. Cheers, BJP
Versacehottie Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Hmmm, i think if you "moved fast" physically on the first date you should probably "move fast" with contact afterward. Anything else might feel like you are not interested. This is the dilemma in doing so. Especially if you want to keep dating others. I think you should text today, why not? Keep it brief, light-hearted and ask for the date you would like to see her this weekend. Usually a lot of girls will be fine with not as much contact if an upcoming date is set up. I think though if she is looking for a relationship, it might come up sooner than you'd like that she would want to be exclusive. But you can feel that out as you go along. Just enjoy yourselves. Good luck 1
d0nnivain Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Kudos to you for being willing to move forward. To assure her that you haven't jumped to some antiquated conclusion about her virtue or value as a person based on the 1st date sex, do reach out sooner rather that later to set up a weeknight date. 3
Author BJP1991 Posted January 21, 2019 Author Posted January 21, 2019 Hmmm, i think if you "moved fast" physically on the first date you should probably "move fast" with contact afterward. Anything else might feel like you are not interested. This is the dilemma in doing so. Especially if you want to keep dating others. I think you should text today, why not? Keep it brief, light-hearted and ask for the date you would like to see her this weekend. Usually a lot of girls will be fine with not as much contact if an upcoming date is set up. I think though if she is looking for a relationship, it might come up sooner than you'd like that she would want to be exclusive. But you can feel that out as you go along. Just enjoy yourselves. Good luck I do agree there is no reason not to text today, however I just get a feeling it is a “little” too soon (after all, I just saw her yesterday morning when I left her house) - I do think that letting her wonder a tiny bit “should” build some anticipation for when I will reach out. Besides, if she has high interest, why isn’t she the one reaching out first? I was going to send something tomorrow (or Wednesday) around 1-2pm saying “Hey! Had a nice time meeting you Saturday - would be great to see ya again sometime soon. What’s your availability like later this week/weekend?”
d0nnivain Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Reach out today & say anything. . . just make the contact. You can hold off until tomorrow to ask for the 2nd date but be sensitive to the fact that if she doesn't hear from you today she may conclude that she screwed up by sleeping with you too soon & she's home wondering if you think she's a bad person. Put her out of her misery by being gracious & saying something, anything. . . . 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 I do agree there is no reason not to text today, however I just get a feeling it is a “little” too soon (after all, I just saw her yesterday morning when I left her house) - I do think that letting her wonder a tiny bit “should” build some anticipation for when I will reach out. Besides, if she has high interest, why isn’t she the one reaching out first? I was going to send something tomorrow (or Wednesday) around 1-2pm saying “Hey! Had a nice time meeting you Saturday - would be great to see ya again sometime soon. What’s your availability like later this week/weekend?” Waiting until tomorrow or Wednesday to "let her wonder" is rude, in my opinion, especially since you already banged her. She'll probably think you only thought of her as a one night stand. What's wrong with just not playing games and just contacting her?
manfrombelow2 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 1/ Congratulations. Taking her to three different places in one date equals taking her on three dates, hence you get laid that early, which is a good thing. Good job. Sex itself is a very important catalyst in bonding the two souls, the sooner you sleep with a woman, the easier she'll help you with the entire dating process. Hey Everyone, Just got home from a successful first date two nights ago (saturday night). Met this girl on a dating app and setup an evening date for drinks - we had 3-4 drinks over the course of 3ish hours at 3 different bars on the same street. Ended up back at her place, hooking up twice and I slept there (she insisted, I was fine with it). 2/ You wait for about one week before asking her out again. But in your case, she'll most likely get back to you first. And when she does, you ask her out. My question for you all is if you follow up after dates like this, and if so, how/when? Typically, I will wait 3-4 days to follow up, say I had a nice time, and text something along the lines of "would be great to see you again, whats your schedule like later this week/coming weekend?" I'm already thinking it would be nice to have her over one evening for dinner, or something along those lines. 3/ You are doing everything perfectly. Until you and this woman are officially committed, you have the right to date as many other women as possible. That's your birthright in this game. Again, wait for one week before asking her out again. If she initiates contact before that, just ask her out right away. That's the only correct formula. Congratulations for being the centered man that you deserve to be. I am seeing other women as well, so it is not at all like this new girl is the only one I am thinking about seeing again/more often. I would like to see her again sometime maybe in the coming weekend - so any advice on what to text/when to send it is appreciated. Cheers, BJP
manfrombelow2 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Because he doesn't want to take the risk of dropping her interest level in him? Because he knows how female brains work? Or because he knows what female say they want are not neccessarily what they really want? What's wrong with just not playing games and just contacting her?
BaileyB Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Perhaps this is just me, but if I had sex with a man I would be pretty unhappy if I didn’t hear from him the next day (nothing more than a “I had a really nice time last night” text). It would be a nice gesture if you made contact sooner than later and confirms plans if you want to see her again - assuming that you were more than a one night stand to her. Just curious, does she know that you are seeing other women? Are you also having sex with these other women? No judgment, and if she decided to have sex with you on the first date she obviously assessed the risk and made her decision. But, I would want to know that you were having sex with other women. That’s a risk that I would not be willing to take. Sorry. 2
d0nnivain Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 If it was a date only waiting to contact her again would be fine. Because you had sex reach out today. Again, you don't have to ask her out today but do make the contact. She needs to know that it wasn't just a ONS. 2
manfrombelow2 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 1/ Well, trust me, us guys really don't want to be so cautious in this game of dating, but we all learned the hard way that if we do what women say they want (but not what they really want), 99,99% of time we would end up getting ghosted/dumped/friendzoned... You name it. It doesn't matter if a woman feels "unhappy" or not, as long as she is still romantically attracted to the guy. It sounds harsh but it's a reality. After all, women are most attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. That's the law of attraction. The law of the universe. Perhaps this is just me, but if I had sex with a man I would be pretty unhappy if I didn’t hear from him the next day (nothing more than a “I had a really nice time last night” text). It would be a nice gesture if you made contact sooner than later and confirms plans if you want to see her again - assuming that you were more than a one night stand to her. 2/ Until me and a woman are officially committed in an official relationship, who I slept with is none of her business and I am sure as hell never let her know about it because why should I shoot myself? But, I would want to know that you were having sex with other women. That’s a risk that I would not be willing to take. Sorry.
Versacehottie Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 I do agree there is no reason not to text today, however I just get a feeling it is a “little” too soon (after all, I just saw her yesterday morning when I left her house) - I do think that letting her wonder a tiny bit “should” build some anticipation for when I will reach out. Besides, if she has high interest, why isn’t she the one reaching out first? I was going to send something tomorrow (or Wednesday) around 1-2pm saying “Hey! Had a nice time meeting you Saturday - would be great to see ya again sometime soon. What’s your availability like later this week/weekend?” Well I'm guessing you perceive it like most GUYS do--who generally like the anticipation to build and don't want to seem to eager. I'm perceiving it like most girls do--i have never been with one of my friends who was put off by a text coming "too soon" from a guy that she liked (or slept with). I think the mature, guy with a plan thing to do is contact her first. Don't know why you'd be afraid to do that....I know a lot of girls chase guys but not all of them do. There are a lot of quality girls operating under the principle that if YOU are interested as a guy you will pursue her. (old fashioned but true, just saying). i don't think it matters if you do it tomorrow, that's fine but no harm in doing it today. Wednesday feels a little game play-y to me where it actually makes you look weak like you are waiting and hoping that she will do it first and then when she doesn't you finally man up in a weak way (lol that's my opinion not sure everyone and especially this girl would agree with this). I guess you probably don't want to set a precedent that you can't upkeep with timing if you want to date others for the near future. It's a gamble because she could lose interest from what she perceives as your lack of interest/investment with slow timing (when you aren't slow to hook up with her, then she may think that's all you were after). BTW, all these are generalizations but they are common thinking patterns of girls. Good luck
Wallysbears Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 1. Call the girl tonight after work and tell her you really enjoyed Saturday and ask her on a date for this coming weekend. Do not let some woman hanging after you slept with her for days. That's rude, inconsiderate and trashy. And good lord, don't listen to the dating advice given by these guys around here that are all about making women chase men...or you'll be single for quite a long time. 4
Author BJP1991 Posted January 21, 2019 Author Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) [] So interesting that many people say “sooner is better” then a few others say the opposite and to wait a full week. 90+% of the time, it is a woman saying I should contact sooner, and a man saying I should wait 4-6 days or more. As for the text itself, what would you all recommend if I were to send something tomorrow afternoon? Can reference my last post on this thread for what I was originally thinking. Edited January 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Reference to deleted content redacted
SophieG Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 I’m happy to see that I’m not the only who thinks that waiting a week to contact the other person is a bit ridiculous. OP, text or call her today, let her know that you’d like to see her again soon. If I were you, on the second date, I’d go without thinking that sex will happen. If she hints at it or makes the first move, go for it, but I wouldn’t initiate if I were you, to show her that you’re not there only for the sex. But that’s my take on it, you do what you think is best.
Author BJP1991 Posted January 21, 2019 Author Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) [] Personally, asking those questions has always failed for me, unless the girl has ridiculously low self-esteem or is a 10/10 interest level. For all girls I see (regardless if we hookup on the first date), I just assume they are a 7/10 level of interest in me. I firmly believe that treating all women the same is important, meaning don’t act different when a girl who totally knocks your socks off comes along. My usual strategy is waiting 3-5 days and re-initiating contact with them. I will never ask those types of questions to a woman - that’s just how I roll. I could care less if she is seeing other guys, because she is a human and I prefer to date others in a sense that they feel “free” and are not pressured or questioned about their intentions. Edited January 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact references to deleted discussion 1
Author BJP1991 Posted January 21, 2019 Author Posted January 21, 2019 I’m happy to see that I’m not the only who thinks that waiting a week to contact the other person is a bit ridiculous. OP, text or call her today, let her know that you’d like to see her again soon. If I were you, on the second date, I’d go without thinking that sex will happen. If she hints at it or makes the first move, go for it, but I wouldn’t initiate if I were you, to show her that you’re not there only for the sex. But that’s my take on it, you do what you think is best. Waiting a full week is too long, I agree. But texting today is too soon - I just saw her yesterday morning and when I kissed her goodbye, she gave me the same deep passionate kisses she gave me the night before. Anyone agree that contact tomorrow (3days after our Saturday date) is fine? It seems that every woman on this thread says to do it today or ASAP, then the guys say to wait a few days.
manfrombelow2 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Exactly. Actually, in the early days, you should feed women "what they want to hear" in order to get into their pants. But after that, in order to keep them in a healthy and stable relationship, you must stop doing that, and start feeding women "what they actually and unconsciously want" instead. My posts in this topic are clearly not what women want to hear, but it doesn't mean they are not what they actually and unconsciously want. Naturally women want to hear what “they want to hear”
Lotsgoingon Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) If you like her and really want to see her again, contact her today. Definitely do not wait 3-4 days. Tip on the followup: Avoid the what's your schedule like this week? Instead, say I want to invite you to dinner at my place on Friday (a specific day). Asking her what her schedule is like ... indicates that your schedule is totally open ... thus you have nothing else going on in your life ... and you will fit your life around hers ... That's a no-no ... A no-no to a potential partner ... and a no-no for your own confidence. (Longer-term tip: get a life such that you literally can't fit around her schedule!) Ask her out for a specific day ... and even if she can't do it, she'll get the message that you're interested. And you will have acted decisively and confidently. At this point, communicating your interest and desire to invite her over is way more important than working out the logistics. So even if she can't do Friday or whatever, if she's interested, she will make it TOTALLY CLEAR she's interested and she'll propose another day. Don't do all the work here in the beginning--very bad way to start the relationship. Do some work (proposing the idea) ... and then let her do some work (accepting or proposing an alternative). It's actually better to propose one night ... say Friday ... rather than "Friday or Saturday." If you're actually open both days ... let her propose the other day ... and you can say "Yeah, I I think I can do Saturday." Pick YOUR ideal day/time ... and invite her that way. Good luck. Edited January 21, 2019 by Lotsgoingon
SophieG Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Waiting a full week is too long, I agree. But texting today is too soon - I just saw her yesterday morning and when I kissed her goodbye, she gave me the same deep passionate kisses she gave me the night before. Anyone agree that contact tomorrow (3days after our Saturday date) is fine? It seems that every woman on this thread says to do it today or ASAP, then the guys say to wait a few days. If you want to wait a bit, tomorrow evening would be okay I think. But Wednesday would be a bit too long. If it was me, I would question the guy’s interest if he’s taking too long to contact me (but I usually contact first so...). 1
manfrombelow2 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 1/ Don't count me in. I think, and I know, it's a bad idea. 2/ There is nothing wrong with making her wait for one week before asking her out. Because you then will be ASKING HER OUT, you will be offering her an invitation to have fun and spend meaningful time TOGETHER, that invitation itself says a lot more and shows a lot more respect for her. Because if you didn't like her, you would never ask her for a second date. Think about it. Anyone agree that contact tomorrow (3days after our Saturday date) is fine? It seems that every woman on this thread says to do it today or ASAP, then the guys say to wait a few days.
thefooloftheyear Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 I agree with the others....Don't play games...Do whatever you think you need to do, if you want to take it further.. Not to veer off topic, but I find it mind boggling that a woman could meet some strange guy on a dating app get buzzed, sleep with him and let him spend the night.....without at least some type of feeling out process or getting to know him.....at least a little bit.... Seems pretty reckless to me...I dunno....God, I hope my daughter has more sense in her head.... TFY 2
losangelena Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 I suppose there will always be men who think that they know better than an entire gender. As for me, I think relationships work best when they have a sense of momentum. And if a guy dalies about too long after we first have sex, I am prone to put him in the hook up zone and to not take him seriously. And I base that opinion on many years of dating experience as an almost 40-year old person. Any guy I dated beyond one or two dates showed pretty keen interest, and I didn’t feel any of that creeping uncertainty. But what do I know, I’m just a woman. 1
Wallysbears Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 I'm with you there TFY. Reckless and the kind of thing that Law & Order or CSI episodes are made of. No woman with sense brings a man she doesn't know from Adam back to her house and hooks up with him a mere hours after meeting him from an online dating app. 2
Versacehottie Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Waiting a full week is too long, I agree. But texting today is too soon - I just saw her yesterday morning and when I kissed her goodbye, she gave me the same deep passionate kisses she gave me the night before. Anyone agree that contact tomorrow (3days after our Saturday date) is fine? It seems that every woman on this thread says to do it today or ASAP, then the guys say to wait a few days. I think tuesday is fine. (though today is prob better). To me, it's a minor difference. What i would probably conclude from the timing alone (if i were her) is that you are probably not super take charge, not into texting too much or scattered and/or wanting to set a pace that is good for you and probably dating others. That said, there is no one perfect answer for the timing alone that will determine or even influence a good outcome or the outcome you want--it will be a variety of things, including the vibe you give off and the content of the date and subsequent contact. If there were a "perfect" time frame in which to contact, a guy could still repeatedly get friend zoned because of the vibe he gives off during the date and subsequent contact. Don't be boring or flat. If a guy is waiting 3 days to contact, probably better if you look and seem like you have a ton of other stuff going on or it will seem like blatant and slightly sad game playing. No judgement, but a girl that sleeps with you so quickly is probably used to emotional acceleration and thus would not be scared off by a text. Either that or she really likes you and was just going with what felt right and probably a little disappointed that you haven't shown the same back. 2
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