My breakup 2 months down the line

[Darren87]

Hi guys, new here. Wouldn’t mind sharing my experience to see if I can find any help and because maybe it’ll help me to do so. Sorry for the long post.

 

So I got dumped on 25 Nov by my....well ex. Two weeks prior she had suggested going on holiday and had been doing research into it. We had planned a big day out together (which would have been for the weekend after I was dumped), we were going to spend NYE together and 3 weeks prior she had posted on a WhatsApp group created by my friends wife about a big couples weekend away saying that she couldn’t wait go.

 

 

The weekend before the break up she was supposed to come round after I’d finished work but cancelled because she was really hungover and was having ‘the worst period ever’. I was tired and had been really looking forward to it so messaged saying I was really disappointed. Then that was it, didn’t message me the next day until I messaged her at 8pm, the day after that it was just half hearted replies and ignored my calls. I messaged her best mate about Xmas present advice and got a really positive, happy reply, to the point where you could tell she didn’t even know. On the Wednesday I messaged my ex saying along the lines of “something is up, what is it?”. I was going away for a few nights from then so she replied “I’ve been thinking about life and us. I’d like to discuss it with you when you get back. We’ll talk Sunday”. So I left it and didn’t message her. I put 2 pics on IG over the weekend which she liked. I got back on the Sunday and messaged saying I was back. She seemed quite chirpy in her reply and said she’d be round in an hour. She let herself in and gave me the “well are you going to give me a hug?” look, which I did. She asked how my weekend was and about work and we chatted for a few mins and she laughed. Then we started THE talk and she said “even though this is the best time we’ve had together, so this will sound crazy, I think we get on each other nerves still so I think we should break up”. This, she said, has caused her to fall out of love with me a bit. She said she may “really regret this” and was crying hugging me and telling me she loves me as she was packing her stuff. I was a bit cold, not angry or nasty just a like “ok whatever”. After she left I messaged her to say sorry for being cold and that I do love her etc. She replied and we exchanged a few messages. I wasn’t pleading or being angry just saying I love her, couples get on each other’s nerves that’s just life, I’m not going to chase her and to message me if things change. She sent the last message and it’s been left at that since.

 

 

We were together 18 months. She broke u[ with me Feb last year, admittedly my attitude was causing arguments, but we got back together and I changed quite a lot. We did to annoy each other a bit but only had 3 proper argument since getting back together. She had been diagnosed with Polycystic ovaries and had become a lot more grouchy and irritable. Periods got more painful and she always seemed to be unwell. There’s also the fact I’ve got a child from a gf when I was 18 who since moved out of the country, I have no contact but my ex was always scared he would show up randomly one day when we had a family together. That was certainly an issue for her.

 

Since the break up I’ve been in no contact. I lost 21lbs through not eating crap, increased muscle mass big time by taking the gym more seriously and am the fittest I’ve ever been because of it,aiming to have a 6 pack soon! I didnt check her social media (still friends on FB but I’ve ‘unfollowed’ her so I can’t see her posts), past seeing that she set herself to ‘single’ on FB, nor have I drunk dialled, messaged her fiends, turned up at her house, liked any posts etc. I’ve slept around quite a bit, I’ve been on 5 dates and am messaging a quite a few girls from dating apps. Ive gone out with friends a lot too.

 

 

BUT I can’t get her out of my head. Every day I think about her for most of the day. It’s messed up because if she said “let’s get back together” I couldn’t unless she promised to make a lot of changes to how she was....tbh she made me feel unloved for a while and the relationship was less than fun because of the way she was. I’ve heard nothing from her, past her liking a picture I put on FB on Xmas eve, then one on Xmas day. But given that she liked my stuff before dumping me I know this means nothing. I dont really post on FB but I put 2 pictures up last week and she didn't like them. I finally broke today and checked her FB. She just looks like she's having a great time, going out with friends, posting a few updates about stuff and generally just seeming really happy. It hurts to think she clearly got over me so quickly and that I'm not even entering into her thoughts now....to the point where she doesn't even like my pictures out of what was clearly just sympathy anymore.

 

She had been single for 5yrs before meeting me and she literally believes in that the Disney relationship where everything is great all the time actually exists. It was her bday last week, so with that, Xmas and NY I’m sure that’s been enough to forget about me. That coupled with the fact we’ve broken up before, my kid and that she isn’t exactly the type of person to realise she needs to change anything about herself, solidifies the fact that we aren’t getting back together. It really hurts, I miss her and can’t see her not being on my mind. I miss the social life I had through her and can’t believe it’s all gone.

 

The dates have all gone well, I’ve been on good form and they were nice girls. But I just genuinely have no idea how and where I'm going to meet someone special, I just cant see it happening.

 

If any of you have any advice then that would be great

Edited January 21, 2019 by Darren87

[Sgthaytham]

Hi guys, new here. Wouldn’t mind sharing my experience to see if I can find any help and because maybe it’ll help me to do so. Sorry for the long post.

 

 

So I got dumped on 25 Nov by my....well ex. Two weeks prior she had suggested going on holiday and had been doing research into it. We had planned a big day out together (which would have been for the weekend after I was dumped), we were going to spend NYE together and 3 weeks prior she had posted on a WhatsApp group created by my friends wife about a big couples weekend away saying that she couldn’t wait go.

 

 

The weekend before the break up she was supposed to come round after I’d finished work but cancelled because she was really hungover and was having ‘the worst period ever’. I was tired and had been really looking forward to it so messaged saying I was really disappointed. Then that was it, didn’t message me the next day until I messaged her at 8pm, the day after that it was just half hearted replies and ignored my calls. I messaged her best mate about Xmas present advice and got a really positive, happy reply, to the point where you could tell she didn’t even know. On the Wednesday I messaged my ex saying along the lines of “something is up, what is it?”. I was going away for a few nights from then so she replied “I’ve been thinking about life and us. I’d like to discuss it with you when you get back. We’ll talk Sunday”. So I left it and didn’t message her. I put 2 pics on IG over the weekend which she liked. I got back on the Sunday and messaged saying I was back. She seemed quite chirpy in her reply and said she’d be round in an hour. She let herself in and gave me the “well are you going to give me a hug?” look, which I did. She asked how my weekend was and about work and we chatted for a few mins and she laughed. Then we started THE talk and she said “even though this is the best time we’ve had together, so this will sound crazy, I think we get on each other nerves still so I think we should break up”. This, she said, has caused her to fall out of love with me a bit. She said she may “really regret this” and was crying hugging me and telling me she loves me as she was packing her stuff. I was a bit cold, not angry or nasty just a like “ok whatever”. After she left I messaged her to say sorry for being cold and that I do love her etc. She replied and we exchanged a few messages. I wasn’t pleading or being angry just saying I love her, couples get on each other’s nerves that’s just life, I’m not going to chase her and to message me if things change. She sent the last message and it’s been left at that since.

 

 

We were together 18 months. She broke u[ with me Feb last year, admittedly my attitude was causing arguments, but we got back together and I changed quite a lot. We did to annoy each other a bit but only had 3 proper argument since getting back together. She had been diagnosed with Polycystic ovaries and had become a lot more grouchy and irritable. Periods got more painful and she always seemed to be unwell. There’s also the fact I’ve got a child from a gf when I was 18 who since moved out of the country, I have no contact but my ex was always scared he would show up randomly one day when we had a family together. That was certainly an issue for her.

 

 

Since the break up I’ve been in no contact. I lost 21lbs through not eating crap, increased muscle mass big time by taking the gym more seriously and am the fittest I’ve ever been because of it,aiming to have a 6 pack soon! I didnt check her social media (still friends on FB but I’ve ‘unfollowed’ her so I can’t see her posts), past seeing that she set herself to ‘single’ on FB, nor have I drunk dialled, messaged her fiends, turned up at her house, liked any posts etc. I’ve slept around quite a bit, I’ve been on 5 dates and am messaging a quite a few girls from dating apps. Ive gone out with friends a lot too.

 

 

 

BUT I can’t get her out of my head. Every day I think about her for most of the day. It’s messed up because if she said “let’s get back together” I couldn’t unless she promised to make a lot of changes to how she was....tbh she made me feel unloved for a while and the relationship was less than fun because of the way she was. I’ve heard nothing from her, past her liking a picture I put on FB on Xmas eve, then one on Xmas day. But given that she liked my stuff before dumping me I know this means nothing. I dont really post on FB but I put 2 pictures up last week and she didn't like them. I finally broke today and checked her FB. She just looks like she's having a great time, going out with friends, posting a few updates about stuff and generally just seeming really happy. It hurts to think she clearly got over me so quickly and that I'm not even entering into her thoughts now....to the point where she doesn't even like my pictures out of what was clearly just sympathy anymore.

 

 

 

She had been single for 5yrs before meeting me and she literally believes in that the Disney relationship where everything is great all the time actually exists. It was her bday last week, so with that, Xmas and NY I’m sure that’s been enough to forget about me. That coupled with the fact we’ve broken up before, my kid and that she isn’t exactly the type of person to realise she needs to change anything about herself, solidifies the fact that we aren’t getting back together. It really hurts, I miss her and can’t see her not being on my mind. I miss the social life I had through her and can’t believe it’s all gone.

 

 

 

 

The dates have all gone well, I’ve been on good form and they were nice girls.

 

All this and I’m not even remotely over her. Any advice?

 

 

Break ups suck. The way you react to them and how long it takes you to move on, depends on the person, and the length of the relationship.

 

 

You were together for 18 months. It’s been 3-4 months. It will take time, but it’ll happen, you’ll see, so long as you don’t get caught up in the what ifs.

[lyfeofafreespirit]

if she said “let’s get back together” I couldn’t unless she promised to make a lot of changes to how she was....tbh she made me feel unloved for a while and the relationship was less than fun because of the way she was.

 

Hey Darren,

 

The first few months of a breakup are rough, and it's easy to want to get back into it. I quoted what you wrote above because you gave yourself quite a good answer, better than anyone else can. She would have to make a lot of changes and she made you feel unloved. The reality is people don't change unless they REALLY want to, especially when they don't see how they were in the wrong. She broke up with you, realistically she isn't blaming herself and doesn't see a need to change anything, and a lot of people are like that. Even cheaters sometimes don't see the error of their ways and have no interest in changing.

 

It's awesome that you've lost 20 lbs and you're focusing on yourself, do as much of that as you can. Sometimes dating again helps, and if you do end up thinking of the relationship, focus on what you can do differently next time, and what types of qualities you want in a date/relationship this next time around, that your ex lacked.

 

The major healing power of a breakup is time. Just take time, and slowly you start to realize that you will do a lot better, and deserve someone that will never make you feel unloved. There are lots of people in the world, and if one person isn't a fit, you just keep on looking for the fit.

 

Best of luck every day it gets a little easier

Edited January 21, 2019 by lyfeofafreespirit

[Darren87]

Thanks a lot guys. Yeah I you’re right about people & changing. What I want is for her to have some sort of realisation and see the ‘error of her ways’ which I know is totally unrealistic.....but I still think about it.