400benchdream Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 I went on a date with a girl and it went well. The next morning I sent her a text saying I enjoyed seeing her last night and wanted to know if she would go ice skating Friday or Saturday. I sent it at 10am and she replied at 7pm saying she enjoyed the date, but doesn't like bowling. So I replied back giving her three options, first was to go to a movie, second an escape room, and third was for her to teach me a video game she was talking about and watch netflix. I sent that text ~25 hours ago and no response. Did asking to watch netflix scare her off? I am 22 and she is 18.
manfrombelow2 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 1/ The correct formula after 1st date is you DON'T text. But you wait about one week before setting up the next date. The fact that you texted and tried to set up the next date right after the 1st date communicates that you are needy and clingy. This bad behavior, in turn, will make her drop her interest level in you. The next morning I sent her a text saying I enjoyed seeing her last night and wanted to know if she would go ice skating Friday or Saturday 2/ She purposely made you wait for her reply, which is never a good sign. This is the consequence of you being needy and clingy. I sent it at 10am and she replied at 7pm saying she enjoyed the date, but doesn't like bowling 3/ You should have stopped the chit-chat when you noticed her uninterested tone, but instead you tried to "force" her into going on the next date with you by giving her "options". When I ask a woman for a date, I always say something vague like "Let's go out for something fun". I don't let her know where we are going. I don't let her know what we are doing. I appear unpredictable to her. I merely give her a chance to go out with me, and that's it. After all, love is all about fun and relaxing. By giving her three "options", you act even more boring, predictable and needy. So I replied back giving her three options, first was to go to a movie, second an escape room, and third was for her to teach me a video game she was talking about and watch netflix. 4/ It's not about Netflix, it's just that she doesn't like you and by not answering your text, she is praying you will take the hint and leave her alone. A man with dignity knows when a person doesn't reply him, he should forget about that person altogether because what do you need from someone who doesn't respect you enough to answer your text? Think about it. Your problem is you are dating just this one girl at this moment. If you had dated many women at the same time, you would never bothered to open this topic, but you would simply move on from this girl to the next woman on your dating list instead. That's the difference between abundance vs scarcity mindset. I sent that text ~25 hours ago and no response. Did asking to watch netflix scare her off? I am 22 and she is 18.
SophieG Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 1/ The correct formula after 1st date is you DON'T text. But you wait about one week before setting up the next date. The fact that you texted and tried to set up the next date right after the 1st date communicates that you are needy and clingy. I don’t agree! My boyfriend texted me an hour after out first date (since he lives 50 minutes from my place) and has been texting me daily ever since. If he would of waited a week, I would have been a turn off for me. I’d rather have someone show me interest right away instead of playing it cool and waiting for the « proper time » to call and text me again. But that my take on it. OP, she might not be that interested! She could have answered that she doesn’t like bowling and give you suggestions, which she didn’t. 3
Lotsgoingon Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Texting after first date is fine ... This woman just isn't interested ... or you would have heard back from her immediately, certainly much sooner than 9 hours later. And she would have proposed a specific activity in place of bowling and made totally clear she wants to get together tonight. In fact, the whole "I don't like bowling" is totally phony. She knows the bowling is just to hang out ... No one has to like "bowling" to go bowling with someone. You like it because you want to go out with the person. She's not interested in dating you-- and it nothing to do with texting or mentioning Netflix. She's politely telling you she isn't interested (by the delayed replies and her unavailability) ... let go and move on ...
manfrombelow2 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 That's 100% needy and clingy behaviour. Just because you approve of this behaviour by your boyfriend doesn't mean that is not needy and clingy behaviour, that just means he is lucky to have an understanding girlfriend like you. And what do they say about "luck"? Well it doesn't happen to everyone. I don’t agree! My boyfriend texted me an hour after out first date (since he lives 50 minutes from my place) and has been texting me daily ever since.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Texting after first date is fine ... This woman just isn't interested ... or you would have heard back from her immediately, certainly much sooner than 9 hours later. And she would have proposed a specific activity in place of bowling and made totally clear she wants to get together tonight. In fact, the whole "I don't like bowling" is totally phony. She knows the bowling is just to hang out ... No one has to like "bowling" to go bowling with someone. You like it because you want to go out with the person. She's not interested in dating you-- and it nothing to do with texting or mentioning Netflix. She's politely telling you she isn't interested (by the delayed replies and her unavailability) ... let go and move on ... I have found that interest directly correlates to texting. My experience, you don't have to agree. A guy could act all interested during the date, but if replies took hours, usually there wasn't a second date. When someone keeps turning down ideas, they don't want to go out w/you, so they make excuses. 1
SophieG Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 That's 100% needy and clingy behaviour. Just because you approve of this behaviour by your boyfriend doesn't mean that is not needy and clingy behaviour, that just means he is lucky to have an understanding girlfriend like you. And what do they say about "luck"? Well it doesn't happen to everyone. It’s interesting how in one thread you say my bf is centered and in the other one you say he’s needy. Texting after the first date isn’t being needy and clingy, it’s letting the other person know you liked the date and would like to see them again. Waiting a week to say that just shows the guy is lukewarm at best. Texting non stop, and keep pushing for a date when the other person is not that interested THAT is being needy and clingy. OP, I don’t think you did anything wrong. IMO, she said she had a good time to be polite and that’s it. A girl interested would have been happy to hear from you and would have said yes to seeing you again (and maybe suggest something else if she really hates bowling). Don’t text her back. 3
Mrs._December Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 1/ The correct formula after 1st date is you DON'T text. But you wait about one week before setting up the next date. Wrong. It's ludicrous not to reach out after a date to thank the other person and/or let them know you enjoyed spending time with them, etc. etc. Not only is that the courteous thing to do if you have any decency at all, but it's also the right thing to do to let the other person know you're interested. Maybe the OP jumped the gun bringing up a 2nd date right away, but it's ridiculous to blow anyone off for a full week after a first date. That's the epitome of ill-informed game playing and will get you nowhere, OP. OP, you're dealing with a teenage girl. They're as unpredictable as the weather in Alaska. Stop putting all your eggs in one basket and broaden your dating range; this one seems fairly uninterested. 2
damni Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 1/ The correct formula after 1st date is you DON'T text. But you wait about one week before setting up the next date. The fact that you texted and tried to set up the next date right after the 1st date communicates that you are needy and clingy. This bad behavior, in turn, will make her drop her interest level in you. Total rubbish. OP she is just not into you. Nothing you could have done at this point to save it. Onto the next.
Timshel Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 The next morning I sent her a text saying I enjoyed seeing her last night and wanted to know if she would go ice skating Friday or Saturday. I sent it at 10am and she replied at 7pm saying she enjoyed the date, but doesn't like bowling. I think her reply was meant for someone else? Oops! 2
PRW Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 OP, you're dealing with a teenage girl. They're as unpredictable as the weather in Alaska. Stop putting all your eggs in one basket and broaden your dating range; this one seems fairly uninterested.Yea, I think they are both teenagers in behavor. Being 22 doesn't mean much now days,...when I was 22 some of us had families and were on the second kid. (To the open forum) I never text the morning after the date to say I had a good time, because I don't need to. I told them that already at the end of the date before I left. If I want a second date I will contact them a couple days later and set the next date. If they decline without a counter offer, I say, "No problem, let me know if you change your mind" and they don't hear from me again unless they contact me. We are not BF/GF after just one date, neither party owes the other one anything. Believe it or not, people met each other, went on dates, got married, and even amazingly had babies,...before there were cell phones, email, texting, and social media. Some people didn't even have a phone in their house, so you never saw them again unless you went to their house and knocked on the door. 1
manfrombelow2 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Yes, if it is "the right thing to do," so why doesn't the woman do it? Why does it have to always be the man? After all, the guy spent his time and money for you, so if there must be someone who initiates anything (assuming he did everything correctly), it should be the woman, because it is "the right thing to do" right? Double standards are everywhere. It's ludicrous not to reach out after a date to thank the other person and/or let them know you enjoyed spending time with them, etc. etc. Not only is that the courteous thing to do if you have any decency at all, but it's also the right thing to do to let the other person know you're interested. 1
SophieG Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Yes, if it is "the right thing to do," so why doesn't the woman do it? Why does it have to always be the man? After all, the guy spent his time and money for you, so if there must be someone who initiates anything (assuming he did everything correctly), it should be the woman, because it is "the right thing to do" right? Double standards are everywhere. It doesn’t always have to be the man! If the guy hasn’t said it first, I will text him to thank him for the evening and would like see him again. I don’t think it’s gender related, if the date was great, I won’t wait a couple of days to contact him again. To be fair, he spent his time and so did I... and I never expect a man to pay on the first date, I always insist on splitting the bill because I want to show the person I’m not there for a free meal. 1
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 You didn't do anything wrong....she's just not into going on a second date with you. Your date can go swimmingly, still doesn't mean she's romantically interested.
ShadeOfGreen Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 There are a lot of possibilities why she's not texting you back, but in dating I lean towards the concept that the person just isn't interested. I wouldn't text again after someone declines or cancels a date. If they are interested enough, then they'll followup with a counter. If they don't, then move on. 1
PRW Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 I won’t wait a couple of days to contact him again.I'm not contacting her in a few days to say "thanks",...I'm contacting her to make the next date. That is more important than just saying thanks and indicates much more interest than saying "thanks" does. and I never expect a man to pay on the first date, I always insist on splitting the bill because I want to show the person I’m not there for a free meal.I won't let you. If your force it then I will let you, but then you won't get a 2nd date. I'm the one who offered the date to start with, you are effectively my guest. It is insulting to me to fight me on allowing me to pay. Later dates are different. As we move more toward a regular relationship it is ok the split the cost because we may be wanting to do more different things that may cost more than a simple common dinner date, and splitting the cost allows us to afford to do more interesting things. 1
manfrombelow2 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 May I repeat a common theme in almost all situations: Girl likes guy, guy begins to like girl, guy chases girl too much, girl loses interest, guy becomes obsessed and chases more, girl gets weirded out and avoids contact, and then Game Over. => Moral of the story, let the girl do all the chasing.
PRW Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 May I repeat a common theme in almost all situations: Girl likes guy, guy begins to like girl, guy chases girl too much, girl loses interest, guy becomes obsessed and chases more, girl gets weirded out and avoids contact, and then Game Over. => Moral of the story, let the girl do all the chasing. I like to think of it like mowing grass. How you say? The initial pursuit from the guy initiating first is like pulling the rope to start the engine. Once the engine starts the guy just has to hang on a run with it. Tecumseh engines can be contrary, so hope your girl is a Briggs-Stratton. Grass clippings are flying everywhere but if you run over dead wood you can put an eye out, so don't bring any dead wood on your dates. I should have got Corey Wayne to put this illustration in his book,...he would have sold more copies. 1
manfrombelow2 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Perfect illustration, brother. Yes it's the guy's job to initiate the "love engine", but there will come a time when he HAS TO sit back, and let the woman do the rest, because that's how masculine and feminine energy work. Understanding this (the hard way) helped open my eyes tremendously. I like to think of it like mowing grass. How you say? The initial pursuit from the guy initiating first is like pulling the rope to start the engine. Once the engine starts the guy just has to hang on a run with it. Tecumseh engines can be contrary, so hope your girl is a Briggs-Stratton. Grass clippings are flying everywhere but if you run over dead wood you can put an eye out, so don't bring any dead wood on your dates. I should have got Corey Wayne to put this illustration in his book,...he would have sold more copies.
Insoc Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) It was suggested I read Corey Wayne's 3% Man book, I have been listening to it, some of it makes sense but I don't agree with everything he say's, the best one is Women are like Cats, it's so true. I had one Women come on strong to me, was calling and texting me, I sat back and kept her interest but texting in the end ruined it and killed it. I'm totally new to dating coming from a LTR/Marriage now Divorce, had a lot of emotional disappointments with some women I met on Match, became emotionally attached and developed a crush on one who was long distance, only to end in disappointment. I found out what I was doing wrong, texting alone was the biggest issue, it's important to be confident, don't make yourself too available or be too needy. I was caught off guard with one woman, she came on strong to me, was doing all the work and was getting clingy with me, protective and wanted me soley and would say things about other woman and how they look, so I could tell she was trying to justify herself to me. My problem is, when to not sit back too much, not to make them lose interest, it can happen especially if the woman is very attractive they have lot's of men contacting them and it's easy to get pushed aside. Corey Wayne say's guys tend to focus only on one woman, even if she isn't interested and keep trying to win her back, when there are plenty of single woman out there, maybe this is true but when you develop emotions it's hard to shut them off, at least for me. He say's to move on and while it sounds easy, it hasn't been for me on a few occasions. The woman might be super attractive on the inside and out, you may feel like the odds of finding one like her again will be like finding a needle in a haystack, that alone can wreck you. Edited January 21, 2019 by Insoc 1
manfrombelow2 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) 1/ You develop emotions for her because she is the only one you're dating at the moment. If you date many women, you won't develop emotions for them, at least not to the point "it's hard to shut them off". Corey Wayne say's guys tend to focus only on one woman, even if she isn't interested and keep trying to win her back, when there are plenty of single woman out there, maybe this is true but when you develop emotions it's hard to shut them off, at least for me Edited January 22, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed commercial push to sell book
mortensorchid Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Disagree about neediness and being clingy! He followed the 48 Hour Rule PERFECTLY: if you (the woman) have not heard from him within 48 hours after the first get together, you will not hear from him again 90% of the time. He may call a few days later, you might even have a second get together with him, but he doesn't really care if you say yes or no. And that second get together will be the last one. We now live in a world with texting which has muddied our communication lines. What I would have said is "Thanks for a wonderful evening last night, I had a good time and I would really like to see you again." And if she does not respond to you in a few hours? Relax, she might be busy. When she does she should confirm that she would like to see you as well. If she never responds? That's your answer too. But if you get into some neverending polite small talk, you know where this is going to end up, which is no where. Men are not men anymore, they don't take initiatives.
BJP1991 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 I don’t agree! My boyfriend texted me an hour after out first date (since he lives 50 minutes from my place) and has been texting me daily ever since. If he would of waited a week, I would have been a turn off for me. I’d rather have someone show me interest right away instead of playing it cool and waiting for the « proper time » to call and text me again. But that my take on it. OP, she might not be that interested! She could have answered that she doesn’t like bowling and give you suggestions, which she didn’t. The difference between your case and OPs is that you had high interest in your BF and were happy to have him text you. Obviously the girl is not high-interest in OP. OP - did you make any moves on the date? Like touching or kissing her or more? Also, dont listen to anyone who tells you that you "did nothing wrong". You overpursued too early, which makes any self-respecting girl who has options run for the hills. 1
Author 400benchdream Posted January 21, 2019 Author Posted January 21, 2019 The difference between your case and OPs is that you had high interest in your BF and were happy to have him text you. Obviously the girl is not high-interest in OP. OP - did you make any moves on the date? Like touching or kissing her or more? Also, dont listen to anyone who tells you that you "did nothing wrong". You overpursued too early, which makes any self-respecting girl who has options run for the hills. I wish I could say I kissed her when I dropped her off but I did not. Looking back she probably would have wanted me to. As to the people saying I should be dating multiple women at once, it was hard enough to get this girl to go out with me. I have lots of trouble getting women to give me their number and actually show up.
Insoc Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) 1/ You develop emotions for her because she is the only one you're dating at the moment. If you date many women, you won't develop emotions for them, at least not to the point "it's hard to shut them off". I agree, but sometimes there is something about someone you cannot find in others, you know it when you feel it. That high % of what you desire, some are closer to 100 than others. I didn't get to the part on "The One" yet, I do see your point. Edited January 22, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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