stillafool Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 No need to lie and no need to be forthcoming. "I have other plans tonight". End of story. PS it's "you're" not "your". This is the excuse I always used and after being said I immediately change the subject so no questions are asked.
stillafool Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Funny cuz calling me everyday is going to turn me off haha Me too and I'm a woman.
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 In the olden days it was normal to say "sorry not tonight I'm washing my hair" lol.
Author Curiousroxy86 Posted January 21, 2019 Author Posted January 21, 2019 I get what you're saying - he asked conversationally what you were doing that night, he didn't ask if you have plans because he wanted to take you out. And you're asking, if you have plans to date another guy that night, what do you TELL this guy who's asking you about your plans? I would just say I'm going out with a friend. That's all you need to say. You don't need to be any more specific than that. Yea that's what I normally say lol
Author Curiousroxy86 Posted January 21, 2019 Author Posted January 21, 2019 Me too and I'm a woman. Lmao men just can't win. Some of us want calls. Some of us want texts only.
Author Curiousroxy86 Posted January 21, 2019 Author Posted January 21, 2019 Unlikely this would ever happen to me given that I avoid multidating, but if somehow it did then I wouldn't want to lie, so I'd instead probably mention something else I would also be doing that evening before or after the date, maybe reading, watching some TV, gym, studying, etc. If I am understanding you right you are saying that you don't date multiple people before agreeing to exclusivity. Do you also avoid a person of interest who may date multiple people before agreeing to be exclusive? If so do you outright ask or just draw your own conclusions? I am currently talking to a handsome guy who made it clear before our first date that he is taking his profile down. I didn't respond lol. I am not taking my profile down till I agree to be a mans girlfriend. Anyhoo we had a great date this past Saturday and we are going to see each other again this Saturday. Since then we have talked on the phone and I did ask him about where his head was on exclusivity. Because he been saying things like "your my baby now" "I don't want to talk to anybody else" and so far I like the guy but I don't plan to focus on only one guy unless he shows me that he is going to be consistent in contact and seeing me and if I even still like him. And it's just way too early right now to tell. Like before our date we talked once on the phone week prior. I'll be damned if I focus my attention on a guy that doesn't like to talk on the phone lol. So anyways he was saying how he would like to talk to someone exclusively before a relationship but that he knows it's not how most people operate. And so then I made it clear how I expect monogamy within a relationship. So we will see how this one goes But it's not the first time I came across guys who tell me they are only talking to me and some do expect me to do the same for them. And so my follow up question is like "oh so you want to be in an exclusive relationship like boyfriend girlfriend" (im being cheeky af). And of course they are like "well no not a relationship but I don't want you to talk to anybody else". And honestly it boggles my mind. Your clear it's not a relationship (at the beginning it shouldn't be) but you only want me to talk to you? And we haven't had a date yet? I don't even know if I'm going to hear from you again? I don't know if your flaky? And you want me to focus on you just because you don't want to multi date? So all that to say I am curious on the mindset behind people who don't multi date and what they expect when they come across a person who may multi date. Do they communicate. Do they ask. Or they judge it and just not talk to the person. Do you officially tell them your not talking to them? In my experience one guy did stop talking to me and told me before he stopped. It was our first conversation no date. Another continued to talk to me and we went on dates he almost became a boyfriend because we saw each other every week both off days but he never became my boyfriend because during the week I didn't hear from him and when he did get on the phone he got off quickly. Then he started getting inconsistent on dates. his behind got flaky even after I told him why he wasn't my boyfriend yet. Still continued to be flaky. I had to let him go. every few months he still tries to come back around and be my boyfriend smh. And my recent narc ex" told" me many times I'm the only girl he was talking to before relationship. He never asked if I was multi dating. Lmao but I don't trust anything he told me. But yea I'm curious on how exclusive daters interact with love interests who may multi date and their mindset and expectations towards them
olivetree Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Because he been saying things like "your my baby now" "I don't want to talk to anybody else" He's saying this after one date (or even a couple)? Red flag.
Andy_K Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) If I am understanding you right you are saying that you don't date multiple people before agreeing to exclusivity. Do you also avoid a person of interest who may date multiple people before agreeing to be exclusive? If so do you outright ask or just draw your own conclusions? Multi-dating isn't particularly common in the UK, or at least not with the sort of girls I date. I find communication frequency, transparency, dating availability, and speed of physical escalation are generally good clues as to whether someone is focusing all their dating energies on you or not. Plus how often they say they are 'out with a friend' When someone is clearly holding back they're either not ready for (or don't really have time for) a relationship or they're multi-dating, and in either case I tend not to connect with them particularly well anyway. When I do get on with someone well I can already be pretty sure they're not seeing anyone else, so I never worry about asking. The only times I've ever asked if someone was seeing anyone else is immediately after they ask me the same thing, and it's always been the case that neither of us was. There has only ever been one exception, where a girl claimed she had met another guy a couple times, but given we'd already slept together more than once and she wanted things to be 'official', I somewhat suspect it might have been a bargaining ploy. Edited January 21, 2019 by Andy_K
Author Curiousroxy86 Posted January 21, 2019 Author Posted January 21, 2019 Multi-dating isn't particularly common in the UK, or at least not with the sort of girls I date. I find communication frequency, transparency, dating availability, and speed of physical escalation are generally good clues as to whether someone is focusing all their dating energies on you or not. Plus how often they say they are 'out with a friend' Makes total sense. A guy who shows consistency I tend to naturally focus on because I mean if your tying up my phone everyday and seeing me on both my off days I don't/won't/can't make time for another guy. And I'm very responsive anyway. What kills me are the ones who want me to focus on them and we haven't had a first date or if we have gone out I don't hear from long periods of time *side eye*. They can miss me with that. Thank you for your response.
rightondude Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 i've learned not to ask that question. I instead just propose going out with me and then having any conversation at that point. "What are you doing tonight?" is a question you ask a friend you want to "tag along" with.
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