housebaby Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 Here's a long one. Complicated. I met this guy through a chat-line. We really hit it off before and even more after meeting in person. There is definitely a mutual attraction.....we have been talking alot, and have really connected. We can sit and talk to each other for hours on end (which isn't common for me - and he says it's not common for him) We have been extremely open with each other - expressing and sharing beliefs, opinions, experiences. Definitely a strong connection. We have been out together a few times, and there was no contact (hug/kiss/or holding hands)... although we are both extremely attracted to one another-and it's quite obvious. There is also a very strong mental and emotional attraction. I figured that he was holding something back (we havn't known each other very long - and have really had deep conversations, nothing physical). So, tonight he told me that there is someone in his life. Here's the complicated part: 1) They havn't been together very long - but they fight constantly and she is suicidal. 2) He has tried to break up with her, but she freaks out and threatens to kill herself if he does anything. So he ends up staying with her. 3) She wants him to spend every free second with her-and she flips out if he doesn't do exactly what she says. 4) He says that they don't even have sex or hug and kiss - and have been that way for a month. He says it's over, but he has tried to break up with her before and she won't accept it and is just afraid that if he tries again (for the 4th time) to end it - she will lose it and do something drastic. 5) Basically, it's over for him but he doesn't know how to get her over him. So - the problem is, I don't exactly know what I should do. He says that he is going to figure this out....but that he really likes me for me. I've let him in on my true self - have been brutally honest with him. The thing is, I feel a really strong connection to him....weather or not it materializes, I would probably at least remain friends - since we click so well and have impecable communication with each other. I respect that he was honest with me - and that he never did try to make a move on me (which he TOTALLY could have - the physical attraction was mutual right from the get-go). But that he saw more in me, and respected me enough not to be deceptive. He says that he has a very strong attraction to me in all aspects (Mind, Body, Soul) as do I for him. I think that I would like to get to know him more before I would consider a relationship....but I would definitely consider a relationship with him if things change. So - my question is: Should I run for the hills? Is it a sign? Or should I let it run it's course and see what decision he makes? Should I give him an ultimatum (her or me)? Should I just forget it and tell him to call me when his life is figured out?
Outcast Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 Tell him to call you if/when he's free. And the only way you'll know he is is if he gives you his home and work numbers and is free on holidays and asks you over to his place.
Author housebaby Posted September 17, 2005 Author Posted September 17, 2005 Thanks for the input. He has already given me his work/home numbers & him and her do not live together. He works nights and just stopped by for an hour. He says that he is going to finalize everything this week - because he feels it must be done; not because of meeting me...but because it's so unhealthy..... I feel like I can trust him - but am definitely going to take my time on this one....we hugged for the first time, and it was so warm (no kisses)....I really want this to work because I can see myself really falling for him. I have alot of respect for him for telling me...because he could have just lied and cheated - but he's a pretty stand up guy. ???
elijahBailey Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 what's up housebaby. I think you know there are 2 possible scenarios here.. 1. You're the strawberry pudding on the side, while his ex g/f or g/f (whatever) is the main course. In short: he's two timing. 2. He's what he says he is. My hunch, too, is that it's (2). He does sound like he's being truthful. I wouldn't be alright with giving ultimatums. Good things can't be got by coersion. You just have to go with your gut feeling. But I think the odds are pretty good he ain't lying. But how the episode with his girl will play out is anybody's guess at this moment. I would suggest you give him space when he needs it; at least for now.
Author housebaby Posted September 17, 2005 Author Posted September 17, 2005 thanks elijah! I think you are right - I wouldn't feel right giving an ultimatum anyways ---- I think that the last thing he needs right now is more pressure from women...and it just isn't really my style. I would rather be there for him as a friend until things smooth out....that way I can get to know him really well before I make a decision on what I want too. I do know that I have expressed the fact that I respect him, am attracted to him on many levels. I feel very free with him - like I can tell him anything without judgement...and I have actually been in situations like he is in now. I would like to support him, and see him happy. When we are together, or talking on the phone: we laugh a lot, and share stories, and give adivce to one another. He is a very caring person (which is the #1 reason this girl is even in his life - cause most guys would just say "**** you, **** off") and he knows that. And you are right - I don't think he'd lie, because he could have just played it up and I would be none the wiser -- but because of his choice to lay it out there, fully knowing that I could just say "get lost-See you later"....but he says that he wants more out of life. He knows I am not the kind of girl who is going to obsess over him, or become infatuated with a guy. I am very stable (mentally, emotionally, financially, etc), easygoing, fun-loving, happy in life, and successful. And I'm a pretty cute girl too So...he's got what I want and I've got what he wants.....it should be good. *please offer more input people - I am still in need8;)
Recommended Posts