mortensorchid Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 I connected with this guy on Match a week ago or so. I now have a screening process for people that I want to talk on the phone with them before I agree to meet them, which we did a few days ago (I think it was Tuesday of last week). I had some ups and downs this week and neither of us reached out to one another. I texted him on Friday as we had made somewhat of a plan to meet tonight (Sunday) and said I hoped he was doing okay and I hadn't forgotten about him. He said he was busy as his mom had an accident and needed some surgery, this morning we solidified and I met him tonight. So we met for dinner tonight. Results? He seemed like a good guy, he's 48, divorced and no kids, works in IT. I didn't ask many questions about how/why his marriage feel apart, he was married/divorced about 15 years ago. His behaviors were good - he was courteous, actually wanted to eat/drink with me unlike the last few, and walked me to my car. He didn't end things with a handshake or say something like "Good luck" that made me think he was blowing me off once this was over and done with. There was one thing that gave me pause about him ... 1) Nice Guy - Now before anyone jumps down my throat and says "nice guys finish last" or whatever else, he said some women he'd been out with had said to him things about him being a nice guy. One said "You remind me of my ex husband, he was a nice guy that people took advantage of." This did not lead me to believe that he was one, I don't know him after all, but he did seem somewhat ... Weak. You don't have to be weak to be nice, nor do you have to be strong to be bad by any means, or vice versa. This lead me to think he may not contact me again within a reasonable time afterward. So ... I guess I will play the waiting game now. If he hasn't contacted within 48 Hours the trail will go cold. I will keep options open.
Lotsgoingon Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Sounds like you just weren't into him ... You found him "nice," but we don't want someone "nice." I'm a guy and I want a woman who's more than "nice." I want someone with some fire, power, energy, life force, a good mind, some smarts and so on ... He treated you decently, which is great ... But that's a minimum. You weren't really interested in him ... or as a friend of mine would say, you didn't "connect" with him. Sounds like a decent date. And you won't be disappointed if he fails to follow up. To reframe the whole "nice guy" trope ... he didn't seem to be fiercely pursuing some important goals, making big accomplishments or showing signs of vitality. "Nice" is just the easy way of describing people who don't have focus on their independent goals.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 So we met for dinner tonight. Results? He seemed like a good guy, he's 48, divorced and no kids, works in IT. I didn't ask many questions about how/why his marriage feel apart, he was married/divorced about 15 years ago. His behaviors were good - he was courteous, actually wanted to eat/drink with me unlike the last few, and walked me to my car. He didn't end things with a handshake or say something like "Good luck" that made me think he was blowing me off once this was over and done with. There was one thing that gave me pause about him ... 1) Nice Guy - Now before anyone jumps down my throat and says "nice guys finish last" or whatever else, he said some women he'd been out with had said to him things about him being a nice guy. One said "You remind me of my ex husband, he was a nice guy that people took advantage of." This did not lead me to believe that he was one, I don't know him after all, but he did seem somewhat ... Weak. You don't have to be weak to be nice, nor do you have to be strong to be bad by any means, or vice versa. This lead me to think he may not contact me again within a reasonable time afterward. Did he describe himself as being a nice guy? For me that is a huge red flag. When a guy has told me he was "nice" that turned out to be a lie and they were far from nice. I never went out on dates saying that I'm a nice girl, I just show it.
rightondude Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 were you physically attracted to him? You didn't mention that. Kind of a red flag there.
Author mortensorchid Posted January 21, 2019 Author Posted January 21, 2019 To answer some questions: 1) Self described nice - Oh yes I agree with that statement. I have been out with and have known quite a few guys who describe themselves as nice guys and they turn out to be anything but. Then again, this is a rhetorical question: What is a Nice Guy? Just like "What is a Bad Boy?" They are the wolf in sheep's clothing. In this situation he did not describe himself as this. He did describe his ex wife took advantage of him - she cheated on him. This made me think he was a weak person or perhaps clueless until it was too late. 2) Physical attraction - Was I attracted to him physically? Yes. He seemed decent. He did not have that certain cuteness in his face or radiate a raw sexuality about him, but he was average. What gives me pause about him was the fact that he seemed like a decent guy but lacked the fire. In that he didn't seem to have a lot of drive in him to WANT to make it happen. I am going to play the waiting game now - if I have not heard from him in 48 hours then it's dead. And if he's wondering how and why I am not contacting him, let him.
Wallysbears Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 From my experience, men that work in IT or engineering are usually not your highly socially skilled types. They tend to be a bit more reserved and take a while to warm up. You can't compare those type of guys (for the most part) to guys that work in say, finance or sales type of roles. They tend to be completely different personality types. 2
Author mortensorchid Posted January 22, 2019 Author Posted January 22, 2019 Yeah... Seems to be the case. Nothing yet. I think this isn't going to happen.
Author mortensorchid Posted January 23, 2019 Author Posted January 23, 2019 Haven't heard a word since Sunday it's now Wednesday. It's done. Moving on once again.
Lotsgoingon Posted January 24, 2019 Posted January 24, 2019 Yes moving on makes sense ... I can't help but sense that you're reporting his lack of a followup call as a disappointment ... Just be careful about that ... given that you were not excited about this guy.
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