Monkeyguy8070 Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 So I’m casually dating this girl. Nothing serious yet, not even official yet. But sometimes she’ll go out with someone else and not tell me. I honestly don’t care who she hangs out with as she has a mostly male friends. And I’ve told her that before that I really don’t care who she’s out with. But for some reason she hides the fact that she goes out with her friends sometimes. And then I don’t find out until later on. I never get mad or say anything to her. But I just don’t understand why she won’t just tell me beforehand. For example, the other day she was going to go to a store alone then at the last min she has her friend come with. It wasn’t until today I found out she went with him because she slipped up and told me. I didn’t get at all, the only thing I said was oh ok that’s good you had fun. Why would she find it necessary to hide that from Me?
manfrombelow2 Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 1/ You just don't have any right to expect someone to treat you the way they would treat their partners in an official commited relationship if they are not yet your partners. Moreoever, "casually dating" means getting friendzoned gradually. You either date romantically or you don't. There's no such thing as "casually dating". So I’m casually dating this girl. Nothing serious yet, not even official yet. 2/ She doesn't tell you because she is not yet your partner. Even if she was, she didn't really have the obligation to report to you about her whereabouts. But sometimes she’ll go out with someone else and not tell me. 3/ The fact that you're making this topic means you do care. Stop lying to yourself. I honestly don’t care who she hangs out with as she has a mostly male friends. And I’ve told her that before that I really don’t care who she’s out with. 4/ She didn't "hide" anything from you. Like I said, she doesn't have the obligation to let you know about her activities, especially when she's not yet your partner. But for some reason she hides the fact that she goes out with her friends sometimes. 5/ Yes, because you didn't have any right to do that anyway. I never get mad or say anything to her. 6/ Because she DOESN'T HAVE TO. Hello??? But I just don’t understand why she won’t just tell me beforehand. 7/ She didn't "hide" anything from you. Period. Why would she find it necessary to hide that from Me?
FMW Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 From what you've written it doesn't seem so much that she's hiding anything from you, but that she simply doesn't feel the need to keep you informed of where she goes and who she goes with. If you aren't serious then she doesn't owe you that. 2
Kitty Tantrum Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 You're only casually dating. What reason does she have TO tell you? In my opinion, the expectation that she would be accountable to you in any way is not a hallmark of a casual relationship. Calling it "hiding" implies that she was supposed to tell you. So, what's up with YOU? Are you really okay with having a strictly casual relationship, with the understanding that this means she's free to do whatever during the time you're apart and has no obligation to tell you about it? Or are you angling to impose expectations that will lead this relationship into more "official" territory?
Author Monkeyguy8070 Posted January 20, 2019 Author Posted January 20, 2019 I know she doesn’t have any obligation to tell me. I’m just curious if it means anything that she doesn’t tell me? Because I tell her everything I do and who I’m with.
FMW Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 Maybe she's afraid you won't take it well and she's trying to avoid drama. Ask her. We can guess all day but you'll never know until it comes from her. 1
Simple Logic Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 I know she doesn’t have any obligation to tell me. I’m just curious if it means anything that she doesn’t tell me? Because I tell her everything I do and who I’m with. It means you feel that you owe her a report of everything you do and she feels she doesn’t. The better question is why you believe you need to tell her what you do and with who? My guess is you want her to trust you and by not reciprocating you feel she is not trust worthy - even though you are just casually dating. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 Casual dating by definition means you don't tell someone all kinds of detail about your life--otherwise, you would be more than casual. You too have the right to go out with notifying her ... and in fact, if it's casual, it would be strange and inappropriate to notify someone. 1
smackie9 Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 She's used to guys getting jealous on her so she doesn't say anything to you, no matter how kool you may act about it. And if she's dating someone else, she doesn't have to tell you that either.
Versacehottie Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 I know she doesn’t have any obligation to tell me. I’m just curious if it means anything that she doesn’t tell me? Because I tell her everything I do and who I’m with. This is a remote possibility but i have some girlfriends who would not tell a guy that is not a boyfriend but that they are dating casually who they are with because they want him to imagine and wonder what she is up to. Additionally, they would keep quiet about what they have coming up perhaps in hopes that the guy who they really like (i.e. perhaps you in this case) will take the initiative to ask them to do something. In the way of playing it cool. TBH, i have advised some of these friends to do this because a) anything else feels like trying to make him jealous or trying too hard to one up his upcoming activity with theirs b) for the exact reason I imagine you are posting here--it works, makes them question what the girl is doing and generates curiosity and gives her an option she may not have had before because the guy is more intrigued. Just a remote guess
Hopeful30 Posted January 23, 2019 Posted January 23, 2019 Why is it "hiding" if you guys barely know each other? Since when is she obligated to tell you what she does on her free time? Why do you expect her to tell you everything?
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