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What would yo do if your LDR gf do this after 3 years od relationship

2727

By 2727
in Long-Distance Relationships

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2727 Member

2727

Posted
Posted

Hi!

 

It's been a long time since ive posted here....

 

I live in Colombia. My GF went to study abroad to England. Weve been in this relatinship for 3 year, it's been a year and a little while since she left. We've been in a lot since then and this week she decided that she will stay there when she finishes school and that she doesn't want me to leave my new job here in Colombia (I started a month ago after been unemployed for a year) and that she doesn't know if she wants to stay together for the rest of our lives. We are both 26.

 

We've been talking about this since she left and we both agreed that it would be nice whether she returned or not. But know she says that she doesn't know if she wants a relationship right know since she's overwhelmed by her job and school. She says she still loves me and has feelings for me but She doesn't think she can maintain this relationship with so much over her.

 

I don't know what to do. I love her and she does too we planned on moving together and our ldr went really good, we Skyped frequently and texted good morning and good night every day.

Does anyone has any advice for me? What should I do. I really want to stay with her and obviously I would love to live in England... Please, give me any advice...

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Your relationship has run it's course. She has moved on & sees a different future for herself in another country without you.

 

All you can do is let her go, grieve your loss & move on

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manfrombelow2 Established Member

manfrombelow2

Posted
Posted

1/ For whatever reasons, her interest level in you simply dropped. Now she wants out.

 

she doesn't want me to leave my new job here in Colombia (I started a month ago after been unemployed for a year) and that she doesn't know if she wants to stay together for the rest of our lives.

 

2/ Again, she wants out. Women who love you don't break up with you. She wants out because her feelings for you dropped. Because she doesn't love you anymore, for whatever reasons.

 

She says she still loves me and has feelings for me but She doesn't think she can maintain this relationship with so much over her.

 

3/ The hardest thing in the world is to DO NOTHING while your inner self is saying you should do something. But seriously, long distance relationship itself is a losing game, and in your case, she wants out.

 

So, all you need to do right now is do nothing. You don't beg. You don't pursuade. You don't try to use logic & reasons to change her mind. You simply send her a message along the line of "I love you and I want to build a relationship with you. But if you want otherwise, I respect that. Let me know if you ever change your mind." and then delete her number & cease all contact.

 

You should start dating other women from now on. And I suggest you buy the book "How To Be A 3% Man" by Corey Wayne (Kindle version avalaible on Amazon).

 

Best of lucks.

 

I don't know what to do.

Does anyone has any advice for me? What should I do. Please, give me any advice...

Mrs._December Established Member

Mrs._December

Posted
Posted (edited)
Hi!

 

It's been a long time since ive posted here....

 

I live in Colombia. My GF went to study abroad to England. Weve been in this relatinship for 3 year, it's been a year and a little while since she left. We've been in a lot since then and this week she decided that she will stay there when she finishes school and that she doesn't want me to leave my new job here in Colombia (I started a month ago after been unemployed for a year) and that she doesn't know if she wants to stay together for the rest of our lives. We are both 26.

 

We've been talking about this since she left and we both agreed that it would be nice whether she returned or not. But know she says that she doesn't know if she wants a relationship right know since she's overwhelmed by her job and school. She says she still loves me and has feelings for me but She doesn't think she can maintain this relationship with so much over her.

 

I don't know what to do. I love her and she does too we planned on moving together and our ldr went really good, we Skyped frequently and texted good morning and good night every day.

Does anyone has any advice for me? What should I do. I really want to stay with her and obviously I would love to live in England... Please, give me any advice...

I say this gently, but what part of her statement to you about wanting to stay in England but telling you not to quit your job and not to come there because she's doubting she wants a future with you didn't you comprehend?

 

I think she's trying to buffer the blow for you, is all. It doesn't sound as cold and final when she claims that she's 'overwhelmed' and that her decision is based on having 'so much stuff hanging over her.' It's like she gets to blame the overwhelming pressure she's under for the decision she made, which kind of candy-coats the truth and doesn't make her look as bad for changing her mind.

 

I agree with the others - as happens most of the time when you're in a long distance relationship, after a while it's just no longer sustainable. Her life is moving in a different direction and it's also highly possible she's got new friends and new love interests over there and she simply wants to move forward with her new life.

 

I'm sorry it doesn't seem to be working out for you. :(

Edited by Mrs._December
justwhoiam Established Member

justwhoiam

Posted
Posted

I might be wrong, but I don't think her current routine is the reason behind wanting to break up with you. Like Mrs. December wrote, that's the excuse to sugarcoat it to you.

 

 

Also, if you were 100% sure she still loves you and wants you, you'd be on a plane by the end of next week. You'd be jumping through hoops for her, right? I mean before what she said to you. Now, I guess you too have doubts, it's just hard to face the fact you do. You might well go there and find out the hard way that she's seeing someone else. How likely is that? Very very likely.

 

 

 

And there are a few things to consider. She wants to live there permanently. She got a taste of a different lifestyle, and she likes it more compared to South America. And you might be part of the issue, as you grew up in a culture that you'd hardly brush off. The second thing is she didn't want to give you a chance, and you just don't do it if you really love someone. If you meant that much to her, she would have considered many other options other than dropping you. But you were not given the luxury to choose.

 

 

I do wonder how she'll be able to stay in the UK when her studies are over. But that's another matter.

long_distance_runner New Member

long_distance_runner

Posted
Posted

Dude, she is breaking up with you... gently.

 

 

You lost her when you didn't move with her in England. And why wouldn't you? You even had no job, nothing to keep you there (looks like it at least)

 

She probably already fancies someone and decided to break the chain. It may sting but this is life

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