How important in dating is person's age vs a life stage/maturity?

[Sharpshooter]

What I mean by this is how strict are you about dating people within a certain age range, say +/- 5 years, or does a person's overall life stage and maturity levels matter more?

 

Say for example you're a woman in your 30s and you have a choice between a guy who is 25 who has is life all together, career going well, living independently vs a guy in also in his 30s the same age who is going back to college still hasn't got his life sorted out and is quite immature about some things?

 

Surely there comes a point where age is just a number? Technically you'd feel older than someone who's of similar age but acts immature and is at a completely different life stage to you?

 

I'm just curious how many people take age parameters literally, to the point where there are people who quite a bit outside these parameters but are perhaps great match in every other way?

[amaysngrace]

You must be talking about online dating. When you meet someone organically if you click, you click. Age becomes secondary.

[Sharpshooter]

You must be talking about online dating. When you meet someone organically if you click, you click. Age becomes secondary.

 

Not really. Otherwise you would see a lot of women dating well below their age but they don't out of fears that a guy 10+ years younger is at a different life stage or is too immature, not always true of course, but those relationships are rare.

[d0nnivain]

I only ever dated one guy who was younger then me. I ended up marrying him.

 

I was always attracted to maturity & I have an "old soul". So when I was 19-20 I found 24-25 year olds worldly. By the time I was that age I was dating contemporaries.

 

After college age is just a #. If you like the person, date them.

 

It's more complicated on OLD. DH would have been below my minimum so we would not have seen each other's profiles.

[nospam99]

I'd say it depends on one's absolute age and life stage. As a 64 y/o male, I'm finding it's much more difficult to date 'younger women' than it was when I was in my 20s and than posters here on LS say it is for 30-, 40-, and 50-something males. There are a couple of recent threads in ISO discussing this. At least some of the LS ladies have concerns that age is important once a woman passes 'prime' child-bearing age sometime in her early to mid 30s.

[thefooloftheyear]

I was out of college, owned my own home, and running my own business when I was 25....

 

But even I didn't "have all my shyt together" at that age...No way..

 

A lot of this stuff depends more on life experience...That's what age does for people...Gives them wisdom and knowledge...

 

Maturity is something else....I know some 60 year olds that are immature as hell...At the end of the day most people get along best with contemporaries...Not that there aren't exceptions, but that's usually how it goes..

 

TFY

[BettyDraper]

It's important to remember that the appearance of maturity does not always correlate with wise behavior.

A person can have all of the trappings of success but still be childish.

 

Going back to school later in life is not immature either. Seeking additional education is a sign of emotional and intellectual growth.

[chillii]

Being male and seeing the real male in 100s of guys l've known through life that women will never see , not some sugar coated watered down version your friends will tell you or the examples people will lay on you , those couples usually haven't anywhere near made it to the other end yet anyway and even 10 or 20yrs , is nowhere near the other end.

Personally l'd never suggest women to date a that much younger guy but especially not a 30s seeing a mid twenties.

Doesn't matter what he "seems" to have together.

Edited January 20, 2019 by chillii

[Lotsgoingon]

For +- 5 years, definitely the younger guy with life together is the better choice.

[Simple Logic]

If you are dating for a LTR, being in the same phase of life is important.

[Mr. Lucky]

If you are dating for a LTR, being in the same phase of life is important.

 

Hard to argue with this and I think maturity trumps relative age every time.

 

I've played on sports teams with a wide variety of guys my entire adult life. When guys sign up, they know in advance it requires a commitment of time, money, communication and logistics. Some guys smoothly handle these responsibilities, others consistently do not and age is not a determining factor.

 

Some guys just have their act together, a quality that goes a long way in a partner...

 

Mr. Lucky

[snowboy91]

Maturity and life stage is strongly correlated with age... and both maturity and life stage need to be compatible for a relationship to work. But if, in theory, you have two people 20 years apart age wise with very similar outlooks on life and desires for the future, then you've removed most of the barriers age (or lack thereof) can cause. All that's left is whether you consider someone 20 years older (or younger) attractive... and the answer to that certainly isn't always no.

 

For +- 5 years, definitely the younger guy with life together is the better choice.

 

Why not more than 5 years?

[Nilfiry]

Keep in mind that just because one grows in physical age does not mean that they grow in mental age. Wisdom and maturity are not freebies granted with age alone.

 

I am pretty flexible with my age range, but I actually prefer younger. What I am concerned with is not maturity or life stage but the openness and willingness to listen, learn, and understand. Then, even if one is immature, at least there is room to grow.