Boyfriend ask for space how long should girlfriend wait?

[Curiousroxy86]

If an exclusive boyfriend ask for space how long should the girlfriend refrain from initiating contact before she either speak up or breakup? In YOUR opinion what should be a good timeline.

 

Please please please don't say "it depends on the person". That goes without saying.

 

I want to know YOUR opinion on what YOU think a girlfriends timeline should be when a guy says I want space

 

Men and women please chime in. Im oh so curious about what other people think about this. Identify if your male or female if you don't mind.

 

Also add what you think she should do or say at the end of said timeline. Should she simply ask what's going on? Should she say this is not okay? Or should she just read the tea leaves and officially break it off?

 

Look forward to the responses!

[sabaton]

A week. If 2 weeks go by without any contact, consider the relationship done and move on.

Edited January 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[smackie9]

He asked for space, he needs to be the one to break contact.

[FMW]

I'm a 53 year old divorced woman.

 

If the space is to handle a temporary work load or family crisis, then I would be be patient for a few weeks.

 

If the space was because he wasn't sure about our relationship, I would give him all the space he needed and I wouldn't bother to reach out at all. I wouldn't be waiting around for him. If more than a few weeks passed without contact from him I would take that as a definite end of the relationship.

[Curiousroxy86]

He asked for space, he needs to be the one to break contact.

 

I agree that he "should" break the contact. But how long does the girlfriend wait? As in conduct herself as a faithful girlfriend? Also if a guy hasn't broke. The contact should girlfriend say anything or is there a timeline when she should just move on and not bother saying anything?

 

I look forward to your response

[smackie9]

I can't really say because I don't know your relationship with him, how much has been invested or the reason why he would need to take a break. There are many factors to consider before determining if it is worth the wait, or to just cut your losses.

[Curiousroxy86]

I'm a 53 year old divorced woman.

 

If the space is to handle a temporary work load or family crisis, then I would be be patient for a few weeks.

 

If the space was because he wasn't sure about our relationship, I would give him all the space he needed and I wouldn't bother to reach out at all. I wouldn't be waiting around for him. If more than a few weeks passed without contact from him I would take that as a definite end of the relationship.

 

The second part is a very interesting view. I had a guy tell me he wants space but he made it clear that this wasn't a breakup. But your response sounds like you would take a guy saying he needs space because he is unsure about the relationship to mean actually breaking up when you said "I wouldn't be waiting around for him". Am I misunderstanding that?

[manfrombelow2]

Until he REACHES BACK ON HIS OWN.

 

That's the formula. The only correct formula.

[smackie9]

So what is his reason for needed space? You have not been getting along? You have disagreements too often? Is this a long distance relationship?

[Curiousroxy86]

Until he REACHES BACK ON HIS OWN.

 

That's the formula. The only correct formula.

 

So in your opinion the girlfriend should wait however long it takes? And if not in your opinion how long should she wait? Wait as in remaining faithful to her boyfriend and not choose to proactively break off the relationship and not initiate contact respecting his space that is.

[Curiousroxy86]

So what is his reason for needed space? You have not been getting along? You have disagreements too often? Is this a long distance relationship?

 

Any reason. This is a in general question by the way. Not anybody's particular story just a common story that many have came across.

 

In your opinion smackie what should gfs timeline be if

 

A) need space out the blue, everything seem to be going well from what she thought, and he is not communicating his reason just needs it and is making it clear he is not breaking up

 

B) need space because they don't see eye to eye and have been arguing

 

C) need space because claims work has been stressful

 

D) need space because death in his family

 

E) need space because he is unsure of the relationship and need to sort out his feelings

 

All of these different scenarios he makes it clear he is not breaking up. In your opinion what do YOU think gf timeline should be

[Mrs._December]

You haven't provided the proper information in order for me to make an educated guess.

 

Someone asked what the request for space was for. Was there a death in his family? Is he having some kind of crisis? Is he being overworked and has a deadline? Is he feeling smothered by you? What necessitated this sudden request for 'space?'

 

I will say that whenever I've heard of a husband or boyfriend needing 'space,' it's never been a good sign. In times of crisis, most people TURN to those they love for support, not away from them.

 

Once you reply to Smackie's post, I'll be able to give you a more accurate opinion.

[Curiousroxy86]

So what is his reason for needed space? You have not been getting along? You have disagreements too often? Is this a long distance relationship?

 

Oh yea and not that long distance sh*t lol. We are talking two adults that are in an exclusive relationship live in the same city.

[Curiousroxy86]

You haven't provided the proper information in order for me to make an educated guess.

 

Someone asked what the request for space was for. Was there a death in his family? Is he having some kind of crisis? Is he being overworked and has a deadline? Is he feeling smothered by you? What necessitated this sudden request for 'space?'

 

I will say that whenever I've heard of a husband or boyfriend needing 'space,' it's never been a good sign. In times of crisis, most people TURN to those they love for support, not away from them.

 

Once you reply to Smackie's post, I'll be able to give you a more accurate opinion.

 

Gave several scenarios would love to hear your opinion for each thankyou

[Mrs._December]

Any reason. This is a in general question by the way. Not anybody's particular story just a common story that many have came across.

 

In your opinion smackie what should gfs timeline be if

 

A) need space out the blue, everything seem to be going well from what she thought, and he is not communicating his reason just needs it and is making it clear he is not breaking up

 

B) need space because they don't see eye to eye and have been arguing

 

C) need space because claims work has been stressful

 

D) need space because death in his family

 

E) need space because he is unsure of the relationship and need to sort out his feelings

 

All of these different scenarios he makes it clear he is not breaking up. In your opinion what do YOU think gf timeline should be

So this is just a request for opinions in general and not an actual request for advice?

 

I'm not going to give different time answers for all the scenarios above. Personally, if my exclusive boyfriend who supposedly loves me needed 'space' for anything other than a death or family crisis, I'd gladly give it to him - for good.

[basil67]

Are we talking about space being limited contact (so that he can concentrate on an urgent, important matter)? Or are we talking about him having problems with the relationship?

 

If he's got an urgent matter to attend to, chatting a couple of times a week isn't an unreasonable expectation. I wouldn't accept less. But if he wants space because he's unsure of the relationship I'd tell him upfront that I don't do 'space'. He's either in or out - his choice. If he won't make a choice, then he's out.

[Curiousroxy86]

By the way I formulated the scenarios based on the information bf gave to gf. Remember he wants space may or may not give reason. She obeys immediately maybe tries to get more info but this was all the info he gave. We can't read bfs mind we are only going by what he told her. And of course we draw our own conclusions. So what say you loveshack members? How long should gf wait (remaining faithful, not initiating contact, not initiating breakup) for bf to break the contact?

[Mrs._December]

By the way I formulated the scenarios based on the information bf gave to gf. Remember he wants space may or may not give reason. She obeys immediately maybe tries to get more info but this was all the info he gave. We can't read bfs mind we are only going by what he told her. And of course we draw our own conclusions. So what say you loveshack members? How long should gf wait (remaining faithful, not initiating contact, not initiating breakup) for bf to break the contact?

He gave her ALL those reasons you posted? Relationship issues PLUS a death in the family, too?

 

Damn, he doesn't play around when it comes to excuses to shut her out, does he?

 

ETA: Asking for a couple of days to tend to a family crisis, a death, or a big time project at work is understandable. Asking for complete silence from her and leaving her hanging for an indefinite period of time due to relationship issues and not knowing when he'll get back to her, in my opinion, is completely disrespectful. Personally, I wouldn't stand for it for more than a couple of days. If someone needs THAT much time to decide if I'm worthy, I'll make the decision FOR him.

Edited January 19, 2019 by Mrs._December

[Curiousroxy86]

So this is just a request for opinions in general and not an actual request for advice?

 

I'm not going to give different time answers for all the scenarios above. Personally, if my exclusive boyfriend who supposedly loves me needed 'space' for anything other than a death or family crisis, I'd gladly give it to him - for good.

 

Lol savage. But I get it. In my personal experience I too broke it off immediately when an ex asked for space because there's were other bs stuff going on and words not matching up with actions. For me personally I think if I was dating a guy who has shown himself to be great then all the sudden he ask for space I would give him a week if it was other than death/crisis. And of course death or crisis I would give much more time. But after a week He still needs space I would rather just break up. But that's just me. Thank you for your response.

[Curiousroxy86]

He gave her ALL those reasons you posted? Relationship issues PLUS a death in the family, too?

 

Damn, he doesn't play around when it comes to excuses to shut her out, does he?

 

ETA: Asking for a couple of days to tend to a family crisis, a death, or a big time project at work is understandable. Asking for complete silence from her and leaving her hanging for an indefinite period of time due to relationship issues and not knowing when he'll get back to her, in my opinion, is completely disrespectful. Personally, I wouldn't stand for it for more than a couple of days. If someone needs THAT much time to decide if I'm worthy, I'll make the decision FOR him.

 

Lmao! No each scenario isn't one bf giving different excuses. This is different scenario of what a bf could say to a gf. I should have clarified that

[elaine567]

Personally, if my exclusive boyfriend who supposedly loves me needed 'space' for anything other than a death or family crisis, I'd gladly give it to him - for good.

Exactly.

 

Space is a very bad sign and I would take that as a break up too.

Nothing good ever seems to come from "space", usually just more "space" then usually and eventually a break up - complete waste of time. Often some third person involvement too actually...

"I need "space" to see if I can entice Miss Hottie over there to give me a chance...you are getting in the way"...

"OK she's not interested, so let's get back together... "

Or it signifies a relationship that keeps limping along until someone has the nerve to pull the plug...

[Mr. Lucky]

Or it signifies a relationship that keeps limping along until someone has the nerve to pull the plug...

 

It would depend on my assessment of the relationship to that point.

 

Were it out-of-the-blue in an otherwise good relationship, I'd certainly give a GF a week or two to sort out her feelings.

 

But if it just signifies the death throes of an often troubled union, I'd be gone.

 

Circumstances matter...

 

Mr. Lucky

[FMW]

The second part is a very interesting view. I had a guy tell me he wants space but he made it clear that this wasn't a breakup. But your response sounds like you would take a guy saying he needs space because he is unsure about the relationship to mean actually breaking up when you said "I wouldn't be waiting around for him". Am I misunderstanding that?

 

He might not mean it as a breakup, but I personally wouldn't give him the power either way. He wants space - done. He's got space. You've got your freedom. If he comes back later you can evaluate your feelings then.

 

I'm probably a lot older than you - I just don't feel like wasting my time waiting on someone else to decide what's going on in my life, been there done that.

[basil67]

Remember he wants space may or may not give reason. She obeys immediately maybe tries to get more info but this was all the info he gave.

 

Sorry Roxy, but this hypothetical woman is a doormat if she obeys immediately without a reason. If he can't even communicate a reason, then she shouldn't bother waiting for him at all.

[elaine567]

To many IMV give oodles of "space" to lukewarm bfs and gfs to find they either have to take the initiative and do the dumping themselves as the "space" goes on for too long, or they wait in limbo for people who frankly do not have the courage to break up properly.

ALSO

"space" and its close relative the silent treatment are powerful tools to put people back in line, and gain control.

It is manipulation and the poor victim is usually ever so grateful when things go back to normal again - huge ego boost for the one who needed "space".