Morris17 Posted January 19, 2019 Posted January 19, 2019 I've not really had much luck when it comes to dating and over the past year the majority of the guys i've seen it's only lasted one date and I was ghosted by a couple. Due to this I do worry that it's going to end bad with every guy and that the same will happen with the current one. I met this guy via OLD, we started talking on there over 2 months ago and had our first date not long after. We've since been on 4 dates with each other. As each date has progressed we've gotten more comfortable with each other. I do really like him, we seem to have lots to talk about and it just feels different with him compared to other guys. Up until the last date I was a bit unsure about if it was just a friendship or if it was going to amount to anything but then he made a move and kissed me and we held hands. For the date he even picked me up at my house and drove us to the location which was also a big step for us. He's also talked about me meeting his friends at some point. So at the end of the date, I told him that I was going to be deleting my OLD account because I liked him and didn't see the point of being on there as I didn't need to talk to any other guys. In a good way he was like, "I don't know what to say" but he never mentioned he would be doing the same. I don't regret deleting it but was it too soon to tell him I was doing so? Obviously i've made it clear now I won't be talking to anyone else but I feel a bit deflated as I have no idea if he's talking to or even dating other girls with the response he gave. Anyway, we messaged a bit later that night and it was nice and then yesterday I messaged him to tell him some news I had and I also asked how he was and if he'd had a good day. He replied but it just felt very closed, like he didn't ask me how I was or how my day was it was almost like he didn't want to continue the conversation. Let me just say though, I overthink way to much and look way into things so I don't think he was being off with me. I wasn't sure whether to reply, I was being a bit stubborn but I ended up asking him if he'd like to meet again next week. He said he would but he wasn't sure yet about plans but if he did it would be between these two days. So I replied telling him i'd probably be free then and I asked him a couple questions. I've not heard anything back from him since and now me being the worrier that I am, i'm thinking things are off between us and that he's not as into me as I thought.
FMW Posted January 19, 2019 Posted January 19, 2019 I think you should step back and let him come to you, let him pursue you. See what he does. You've made your interest and feelings clear so there is no need for you to reach out again unless and until he steps up and reciprocates. Stay busy with other things - friends, hobbies - and give him some space.
d0nnivain Posted January 19, 2019 Posted January 19, 2019 You are overthinking it & you are making your negative self fulfilling prophecy come true. You deleted your OLD account because that was the right thing for you to do. After a mere 4 dates it's too soon for him to do the same thing so you need to assume he's still multi dating but that is OK. He just needs more time & no pressure from you. Keep on dating him. Have fun. Lower your expectations. You can revisit exclusivity before intimacy but for now just spend time together. 2
smackie9 Posted January 19, 2019 Posted January 19, 2019 You have to give it more time. Remember you two are still getting to know one another, so there is no guarantee if this is going to "go anywhere". It's a process. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 19, 2019 Posted January 19, 2019 4 dates is still early. You've been talking for 2 months, but have only met in person a handful of times. That's generally not quite enough for many folks to definitely decide they're going to exclude other options. Deleting the dating app was not necessarily the wrong move, but he's evidently not on the same page as you yet; also, as d0nnivain points out, he could still be talking to other women and figuring out which direction he's going to take. The ball is in his court now to respond. If he's not feeling it, then I wouldn't necessarily say it turned out badly - you'll simply be free to pursue other guys who can reciprocate what you are looking for.
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 19, 2019 Posted January 19, 2019 (edited) I've not really had much luck when it comes to dating and over the past year the majority of the guys i've seen it's only lasted one date and I was ghosted by a couple. Due to this I do worry that it's going to end bad with every guy and that the same will happen with the current one. <snip> So at the end of the date, I told him that I was going to be deleting my OLD account because I liked him and didn't see the point of being on there as I didn't need to talk to any other guys. In a good way he was like, "I don't know what to say" but he never mentioned he would be doing the same. I don't regret deleting it but was it too soon to tell him I was doing so? Obviously i've made it clear now I won't be talking to anyone else but I feel a bit deflated as I have no idea if he's talking to or even dating other girls with the response he gave. <snip> I personally would let exclusivity and taking down profiles be his idea. But hey can't cry over spilled milk now. I just wouldn't do that again with men And At this point I would just let him initiate contact Men that want to see you and take you off the market will do so. Not to say it doesn't happen the other way around because some men don't mind women initiating like that but that means your risking the possibility of rejection when you take the role of pursuer (most men being the pursuers know too well of this) and if you don't like that risk don't do it again lol. Not to say you can't but women don't really have to. It's one of the lovely perks of being a woman I think lol. I just feel like the odds are just better if you let the man pursue you If you want to continue doing it and don't mind that sometimes maybe a lot of times men don't respond favorably then continue. But if you don't like it don't do it and imo I think you would have better success if you let the man continue to just pursue If he starts to get flaky put that profile right back up and find someone else Edited January 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
Author Morris17 Posted January 20, 2019 Author Posted January 20, 2019 Thanks for the advice! I do feel it was a bit premature of me to mention I was deleting the dating profile, I think it was an in the moment thing - the date having gone really well and I just felt happy and it popped into my head to say it! Since this post i've been messaging with him further and we aren't meeting this week now. When I did suggest meeting this week he said he was potentially free two days, one of which i'm now meeting my friend and last night I asked him about the other day he was potentially free and he said he's now meeting his friend that day. I probably won't be seeing him until a couple weeks time which I was a bit down about but it gives me something to look forward too. Until then i'm going to try to let him come to me more and try not to initiate conversations most of the time
d0nnivain Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 He's definitely multi-dating & you are not the 1st choice. Sorry
Author Morris17 Posted January 20, 2019 Author Posted January 20, 2019 He's definitely multi-dating & you are not the 1st choice. Sorry I'd like to believe that isn't true and I trust that isn't the case... unless he's planning on introducing many girls to his friends! We have talked about future dates and last night he told me couldn't stop thinking about our kiss. If he is multi-dating then i'm the fool but people make plans, things change. I made a plan to see my friend when I could have potentially seen him.
Mrs._December Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 I do feel it was a bit premature of me to mention I was deleting the dating profile, I think it was an in the moment thing - the date having gone really well and I just felt happy and it popped into my head to say it! UGH. Mistake #1: cancelling your dating profile after only 4 dates. Mistake #2: TELLING this guy you did it. UGH. We have talked about future dates and last night he told me couldn't stop thinking about our kiss. Talk is cheap. Actually, it's free. Actions are what you're looking for and he's not even available to see you for two weeks? Seriously? Donnivain is right - he's multi-dating. 1
Author Morris17 Posted January 20, 2019 Author Posted January 20, 2019 (edited) UGH. Mistake #1: cancelling your dating profile after only 4 dates. Mistake #2: TELLING this guy you did it. <snip> It's okay I wish i'd not said anything on here, now I just feel crappy inside. We saw each other twice this past week and i'm happy with that. I'm totally fine with plans changing, i'm fine waiting to see him. Not every potential romance follows the same path and it's annoying hearing so much negativity. Also I deleted the site we were talking on, so if I feel he's not into me or or being sneaky and seeing others then i'll be on that dating site because I won't be treated like that by a guy. Edited January 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
ExpatInItaly Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 I'd like to believe that isn't true and I trust that isn't the case... unless he's planning on introducing many girls to his friends! We have talked about future dates and last night he told me couldn't stop thinking about our kiss. Why wouldn't it be? Did he tell you he isn't?
Simple Logic Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 (edited) It's okay I wish i'd not said anything on here, now I just feel crappy inside. We saw each other twice this past week and i'm happy with that. <snip> Sounds this guy is a slow mover and was not prepared for your declaration. Wait and see what happens, but I suspect he will be calling you. Edited January 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 (edited) It's okay I wish i'd not said anything on here, now I just feel crappy inside. We saw each other twice this past week and i'm happy with that.<snip>. Listen don't feel crappy. Take it as a learning experience. All we are saying is don't give a guy your exclusivity unless he makes it clear he wants to be exclusive with you. It's smart to assume he is dating other women. And that doesn't make him wrong if he is because he never said anything about you being his girlfriend yet. When you meet someone you like it's just that. It doesn't mean he is going to stop talking to other women on the site unless he makes that clear. And heck I really wish women find it within themselves to do the same thing as far as date multiple men until the one you like makes you his girlfriend so they won't feel played (even though technically the man is not playing anyone). Enjoy dating the guy just don't jump the gun hun. Good luck. Edited January 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote 1
d0nnivain Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 There is a difference between negative & realistic. Negative would be no relationship is ever going to work. Realistic is acknowledging that telling him you deleted your profile was a bit of a tactical mistake. It wasn't fatal but the combo of him not immediately agreeing to delete his & his unavailability is some indication that you are not the only woman he is dating. Having that insight is an advantage so you can guard your heart. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 Yes, I agree with d0nnivain. I also agree with Simple Logic that this guy is somewhat of a slow mover. Over the course of 2 months, there have been only 4 dates. That should tell you something, OP, about his pace. It doesn't mean he's not interested in taking things further now, but I think it's only reasonable that he's not yet ready to delete his dating profile and thus exclude other options when you two have not met in person that much. Many on dating sites are indeed seeing or at least talking to more than one person at a time. Again, this doesn't mean he won't reach the point you're at in terms of taking yourself off the market, but he's not there just yet. Let him come to you now. 2
smackie9 Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 Me personally wouldn't date someone that only had time for 4 dates over two months...I would have dates on the go with other guys if that were the case.
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