Grisha Posted January 19, 2019 Posted January 19, 2019 (edited) Not gonna lie. This was the girl I initially thought I had no chance with. The girl I bettered myself in every way possible because she was such high caliber. The girl who made me google search “how to keep a girl attracted to you.” This was the best I ever had. I used to literally dream about her before she even knew I barely existed. I was in her orbit for almost 2 years before we ended up dating. I was casually dating another girl and had completely backed away from her which caused her to eventually reach out to me and set up a date. I learned so much while I was with her because her feelings were constantly wishy washy with me and it caused me to understand all my mistakes. I made many. I saw the breakup coming a month in advance. I tried getting distant. 5 days went by without any contact until I finally reached out to see if she wanted to go out where she ended up responding with a long thoughtful breakup text. I played the breakup well by basically just saying okay and never initiated contact. She contacted me every week but I kept things short until after about 6 weeks I told her to not contact me unless she wants to rekindle. I decided to keep her on social media but limit my posts because I never really posted on it anyway. I truly believe I can move on without having to block her or delete her (done it with all my ex’s) I always come out on top with my ex’s trying to rekindle after a year or so and I end up uninterested because I’ve always one upd my ex’s. (This one may be difficult to beat lol) I’m so thankful this happened because I have become even more motivated and have been in the gym 5-6 days a week for 3 months now and have become addicted and actually feels like a lifestyle now. Not only am I starting to look a lot better, I feel so good. I know I will find someone better. I still cry for a minute here and there on random days when I think about her but it quickly turns into anger and motivation but at the same time I think about how I really do want her to be happy even if it’s not with me. Think about it guys. If you love a girl, don’t you want her to be with the best guy for her? She knows who that might be so if she doesn’t feel it’s you, be okay with it and let her go. Overall I’m still hurt, I’m very motivated, I’ve gained 20 pounds (I was a skinny guy) I haven’t tried dating and don’t plan on it for at least another 2 months but I love myself and who I’m becoming. My pride and ego has been shot up which is where my anger comes in but I put it to great use and I quickly understand and don’t have any hard feelings for her decision. I’m 6’3 and weigh 160 pounds now and will reach 200 by the end of summer! I’m also preparing to buy my first home at 24 years old. Even if she were to contact me and want to see me I would definitely not be the same person. I wouldn’t put up with anything. It would take a lot of time for me to build up that trust and tbh I don’t feel like it would be worth it at this point. Edited January 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Formatting and paragraphs 1
d0nnivain Posted January 19, 2019 Posted January 19, 2019 Good for you for hitting the gym. Hang in there as you heal. Two observations: "Quality" "high caliber" people don't dump their SOs over text. They have the class to give the other person the dignity & compassion of a face to face break up. Only immature cowards hide behind a device to deliver bad news. You are making a mistake by not deleting her from your social media. There is no reason to keep an EX that connected to you. It's not an endurance test to prove that you can be OK still seeing what the other person is up to. More importantly when you do start dating again, any quality new person in your life won't tolerate your continued connection to your EX. 1
Author Grisha Posted January 19, 2019 Author Posted January 19, 2019 Good for you for hitting the gym. Hang in there as you heal. Two observations: "Quality" "high caliber" people don't dump their SOs over text. They have the class to give the other person the dignity & compassion of a face to face break up. Only immature cowards hide behind a device to deliver bad news. You are making a mistake by not deleting her from your social media. There is no reason to keep an EX that connected to you. It's not an endurance test to prove that you can be OK still seeing what the other person is up to. More importantly when you do start dating again, any quality new person in your life won't tolerate your continued connection to your EX. I’m not sure why I never deleted or blocked ex’s from social media. I never thought about it being a problem for future gfs. If anything I’d easily delete them if my partner told me it bothered her. Is it wrong to say I will always have some love for an ex? I actually told my last ex that I still care about my ex ex and help her out when needed but I have no kind of attraction for her.
d0nnivain Posted January 19, 2019 Posted January 19, 2019 Of course you will always care about many EXs. They were important in your life. I wouldn't announce that to a new person. Having to spell it out like that gives it more power & meaning then it really has. It's more of you still have happy memories of the good times. You certainly wish them well. One of my EXs died. I was very upset but had to tell my then new BF about it. I point blank said through my sobs that I don't want the guy back but I really wish he wasn't dead. My BF / now husband picked me up & assured me that it was perfectly understandable that I'd ben affected by my EXs death because I'm a caring person & he was once an important part of my life. 1
manfrombelow2 Posted January 19, 2019 Posted January 19, 2019 The best thing about your experience is you truly see where you messed up and you are willing to learn from it. There are people who just refuse to accept that they were wrong just because their ego can't handle it. But like an ostrich thinking it's safe from a predator just because it's burying only its head under the sand, these people will keep failing from relationships to relationships because they just keep making the same mistakes over and over again. I am happy that you were "enlightened" after your breakup, and I wish you all the best. And may I suggest the book "How To Be A 3% Man" by Corey Wayne, which helped me tremendously not only in the dating game but also in my life as a man in almost every aspects.
Author Grisha Posted January 20, 2019 Author Posted January 20, 2019 (edited) My man! Yes I’ve read the book. Awesome that you have too. Coach C is the man. Unfortunately I came across his work while things were falling apart with my ex. I tried pulling away when she pulled away but 5 days went by and she ended up sending me the breakup text to which I remained calm and never tried to get her to stay. She just left because she felt she needed to find enlightenment within her own life and fix a lot. She was definitely in a rut financially and her life was falling apart to the point where I was questioning if she’s the kind of woman I’d want a life with anyway. I feel like we wouldn’t have worked out because I would have become sick of her not having her stuff together. She’s now constantly posting how she’s working on herself and will better her life this year but she has so much anxiety and depression issues that I’m starting to realize she wasn’t really that great of a partner. I deserve better. I definitely do love her though. It’s just hard. Working on myself in every way is what is making me feel good whether she comes back or not I KNOW I will find better eventually. Edited January 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of immediately preceding post and add paragraphs 1
Lotsgoingon Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 Dude, nothing wrong with being tall and thin. Prioritize getting stronger and more fit ... don't start eating out to put on weight just to be more attractive to women. Lift if you want ... and see if your appetite naturally increases ... It is a great experience to ignore warning signs of disinterest and then be dumped ... It's near traumatic ... but I've had that ... and man, that is a fast way to learn to face the truth in relationship. That experience is a learning shortcut! And you know, it's OK to be petty and not want the best for the person for a period of time ... I'm not talking about actively hurting or harming or wishing harm to the other person. But you're under no obligation to want her to find a better guy ... Petty thoughts can be part of the letting go and healing process. Then when we get some distance, then it's easy to want the best for the person ... I just found out an ex got disinherited by her mom ... mom gave it all to her sister ... I'm talking a lot of money ... I expressed my sympathy to her and gave my ex kind words, and it is easy to do that ... because she's happily remarried and I have long ago released her from my heart.
manfrombelow2 Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 Same here. By the time I read his book, things were already too late. But it's life. Unfortunately I came across his work while things were falling apart with my ex.
Author Grisha Posted January 21, 2019 Author Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) Same here. By the time I read his book, things were already too late. But it's life. Yesterday she once again contacted me after I had told her that I wanted to stop communication unless she wanted to rekindle things. She said “okay, you need to do what’s best for you.” That was dec 5th. 3 weeks later she contacted me asking me a question about something about paperwork to which I told her to just contact her insurance provider, I couldn’t understand why she reached out like that when she could have asked anybody that. I’m no expert in that lol. We didn’t go into any convo after she thanked me I didn’t respond. 2 weeks later which was yesterday, she comments on my social media pic I posted complimenting me. I respond with thanks and she sends a messge asking if I remember the time she told me blah blah blah.. I simply said I do remember and kept it short and she responded with something short.. Now I’m understanding why people remove ex’s from social media.. I have no idea why she is communicating with me after I told her to stop. Do I ask her out or wait until she asks me out? I’m not planning on dating other women but the sex was always great with her and I would definitely not mind going out with her just because ik I’m not going to put her on a pedestal anymore and feel I can play the attraction game better this time around. 2 days ago I met a girl at the gym who ended up finding me on social media and messaging me (was kinda strange) but I’m in no place to meet new women because I am closed off. Edited January 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
Twizzlestick Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Now I’m understanding why people remove ex’s from social media.. I find this really relevant to me. Just a few mins ago another “meme” on insta from my ex. I’ve unfollowed her on insta and Facebook. It shows she’s put a new one up but I’ve not seen it. She has a habit of posting selfies with statements like “live life - no regrets” or “memes” about leaving it all behind. She’s asked on a prior phone call if I saw xyz on her social media. So I know she does it for my “benefit”. I find it quite hurtful this habit of hers. I mean ending the rele was one thing. But any need for twisting the knife. Logic says unfriend. But I can’t bring myself to do that.
manfrombelow2 Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 1/ When the dumper reaches back, for whatever reasons, always assume they want you, and take that chance to ask them out. If they agree, good. If they refuse, tell them "next time then" and hang up the phone or stop the texting. That's the only correct formula. Yesterday she once again contacted me after I had told her that I wanted to stop communication unless she wanted to rekindle things. 2/ Only ask her out the moment she reaches back to you. You don't ask her out of nowhere because she's the dumper. The effort to initiate contact must first come from her. That's the only correct formula. Do I ask her out or wait until she asks me out? I’m not planning on dating other women but the sex was always great with her
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