Meeting up with my ex

January 19, 2019

Ex I was engaged too and honestly borderline obsessed with after I was dumped. Tons of stuff happened and didn't happen. Will spare the long story but after a time of 1yr NC I broke. Just said lets hangout and catch up. She seemed excited to meetup. In a perfect story we live happily ever after blah blah blah. (not happening) Wanna gauge it all and kinda get my own closure by observing who she has become now. I'm sure shes changed and probably not but would love to see WTF I've been hurting so bad over the past year already. I'm going into this knowing it's a fail and probably will stir up stuff. I'm not expecting anything but probably a friendly hour of talk and a nice goodbye.

Am I crazy for hitting her up to see her?

I'm tired of just thinking of her and just want to see what she has become. Who knows maybe shes still the same selfish person she was and I'll just be disgusted by her. Never got closure and as horrible of an idea I know it is I just want to get it over with. Feeling of doom coming but it might be liberating. Will update tomorrow, lmk your thoughts.

January 19, 2019

Are you crazy? I don't think so. Is it a bad idea? Maybe. I think your expectations might be too high. I also tend to think that if you really, really want to talk to her or see her, then you should. As long as you know that it could be an absolute disaster and it could set you way back. Or it could just not live up to your expectations - in other words, you see her, it's fine, and then you go back to living separate lives. This reminds me of that movie 500 days of summer - have you seen it? The guy and his girlfriend break up and he's completely miserable. He knows he's going to see her at a party and he imagines that it will be great, they'll get back together and everything will be wonderful. In reality, she shows up and is pleasant but then he finds out she's engaged and he's devastated. Just something to think about when you're thinking about this. But it sounds like you're set on this meeting, no matter what. I wish you the best and hope it brings you some peace and closure.

January 19, 2019

Thanks, I've never seen the movie but gotta check it out. I feel like just canceling the meetup but I just want to do it. In reality I'd like to bring up things and really clear the air but that most likely won't happen. I figured it's been over a year and I've been miserable with these false hopes in my head. Odds are I'll be super sad after we meet but maybe that kick in the gut will help just move on completely. Just letting the universe take over and show me what I might need to see.

January 19, 2019

Sorry, op. But I think it's a terrible idea. I can empathize with you and even understand the feelings you must be experiencing, but you need to endeavour to move forward not backward. In meeting up you are running the risk of extending or possibly even enhancing the whole gamut of negative emotions. I speak from experience.

January 19, 2019

Sorry, op. But I think it's a terrible idea. I can empathize with you and even understand the feelings you must be experiencing, but you need to endeavour to move forward not backward. In meeting up you are running the risk of extending or possibly even enhancing the whole gamut of negative emotions. I speak from experience.

Well she canceled due to something that came up with a friend. It's whatever really. I know where you coming from and I would've game myself the same advice. But me personally I'm a hardheaded individual who is always like f*** it. Taking chances good or bad is what I'm all about. Usually everything blows up in my face lol but lessons are always learned. Kinda already like whatever with the runaround. I'll be patient and see if she reaches out next week. Usually got a backup date for flakes

January 20, 2019

there is nothing wrong with wanting to see your ex that you are obsessed over and clearly in love with.

The only thing is that you can't expect anything, but the truth is what is hurting you is your own fantasy. Not her anymore.

Also, if you see her it may actually make you feel better to just know she is still there even if she is not yours and you can embrace the feeling of love without clinging to it.

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing and even if you get sad again, you will be ok again, too. so just do it

January 20, 2019

Please, for the love of God, when you are unable to handle your own problems, you don't try to solve others' problems.

Have you any ideas how irresponsible you were (especially in the bold parts) telling OP to "just do it"?

Please, sometimes the best thing you can do to help people, is keep quiet and don't talk about things you have no clues about.

there is nothing wrong with wanting to see your ex that you are obsessed over and clearly in love with.
The only thing is that you can't expect anything, but the truth is what is hurting you is your own fantasy. Not her anymore.
Also, if you see her it may actually make you feel better to just know she is still there even if she is not yours and you can embrace the feeling of love without clinging to it.
There is nothing wrong with what you are doing and even if you get sad again, you will be ok again, too. so just do it

January 20, 2019

1/ So you were dumped. She was the dumper. The only right thing to do is to go full No Contact until she reaches back on her own. But instead, you chose to break NC yourself. => This communicates you are still needy and clingy and desperate even after one year.

Ex I was engaged too and honestly borderline obsessed with after I was dumped. Tons of stuff happened and didn't happen. Will spare the long story but after a time of 1yr NC I broke.

2/ Yes you do expect many things, mostly she comes back to you in a romantic relationship. You don't want "friendly talk". That's not what you want. Just be honest with yourself.

I'm not expecting anything but probably a friendly hour of talk and a nice goodbye.

3/ Not so crazy, but just needy, clingy and desperate.

Am I crazy for hitting her up to see her?

4/ This blaming tone communicates you blamed everything on her when she dumped you. You are basically trying to say she's the "bad guy" in your breakup. And this in turn communicates that during the past 01 year, you never learned anything from your breakup. When a man refuses to learn, he's going no where. You are still the same old guy she dumped one year ago. Does this sound good to you?

Who knows maybe shes still the same selfish person she was and I'll just be disgusted by her

.

5/ So you're coming to this date with a head full of resentment, and as I see it, you will be very likely to bring up the past to make her admit that she was wrong to dump you? Earlier you said you "just want a friendly talk" and now you are trying to use this date to take revenge on her (verbally) for dumping you? It's a petty act if you ask me.

Well, if that's your agenda, then I suggest you stay home, because after all, she doesn't owe you anything in this world, even a closure.

But if you really want to make things work between the two of you again, I strongly advise you to create and maintain a fun, relaxing and positive date with her. During which, you don't try to mention even just a tiny bit about the past. You show up and give her a good time, so that when you say goodbye, she will think about you for the rest of the day - and that's a good start.

Never got closure and as horrible of an idea I know it is I just want to get it over with. Feeling of doom coming but it might be liberating. Will update tomorrow, lmk your thoughts.

Edited January 20, 2019 by thaygiaogiang

January 20, 2019

Damn thaygiaogiang you give good advice but a bit aggresive lol. It's not all it seems yes I loved this girl but to me it's almost just a view. I don't want her back honestly but would really love some redemption. She bailed on me tonight but I'm coming home now from a decent hookup. I always have a plan B so I'm not home sulking. It's fine I'll probably give her a bit of grief over it lol. I know it's over but there's a ego part of me that wants it destroyed. I have a strong feeling she's become worse, 6th sense. Most definitely I'll be easy and show her a good time. Not to impress her but for me to have a good time. I like the journey of it all and eventually it'll all be great. Fools love hard and I did but I'm not a complete idiot. The last guy was nice I know where he's coming from.

January 20, 2019

The only one keeping you in this is you.

It doesn't appear you've learned much.

Cancelled because of a friend. Yet you're still willing to go back for more.

Life is short but it is yours to waste.

Have you tried any IC?

January 20, 2019

A year in NC. Nice one on that! That’s good going. Hope I’m as strong .

But a year in. A lot to sacrifice. Downsides. You contacted her. You asked her out. She flaked already. I think the friends things is rubbish. Even if it isn’t for someone she hasn’t seen in a year you empirically are way down the totem pole, prob underneath doing the shopping. It’s a baaaad start for the meeting.

I think this could really hurt you OP. I’d hate to see after your year getting struck down to the ground.

I’m far from an expert but I’d say to meet up you’d need the opposite of the above. SHE contacts you and she doesn’t flake. And personally even then I’d want some pretty good, as in clear as day, evidence before hand that meeting up is worthwhile.

January 20, 2019

The only one keeping you in this is you.

It doesn't appear you've learned much.

Cancelled because of a friend. Yet you're still willing to go back for more.

Life is short but it is yours to waste.

Have you tried any IC?

Story of my life not learning I'm most definitely my own enemy. Sorry what is IC?

January 20, 2019

So you are saying she cancelled the date that she agreed to attend to, at the last minute?

This communicates that you are of very little (if not none) value in her eyes, to the point she didn't even try to give you some respect.

This is what happened when you broke NC.

So, if I were you, I'd stop contacting her for good, and focus my energy and time into dating other women.

Best of lucks.

. She bailed on me tonight

January 20, 2019

These kinds of meetings don't provide closure. They usually end up opening the door to more questions. Sometimes you have to learn that for yourself though. Opening up old wounds won't help you get over her. Be glad she canceled.

January 20, 2019

Story of my life not learning I'm most definitely my own enemy. Sorry what is IC?

Individual counseling, it may help you to disengage. You don't seem to be able to on your own.

January 20, 2019

Individual counseling, it may help you to disengage. You don't seem to be able to on your own.

I agree that counseling might help. It's been a year, and you haven't accepted it's over.

January 20, 2019

"Closure" meet up's are dumb as hell. Why set those up? To hear her tell you what you did or didn't do that caused the demise of the relationship and make yourself feel worse than before?

Here's the deal....you're a crackhead. You're and alcoholic, you're a speed freak. And your drug of choice is your Ex. And just like any addict trying to get clean, you have the exact same withdrawl symptoms as an addict. Can't eat, can't sleep, nightmares and that drug is constantly on your mind several times a day. Looking for any excuse for just one more hit. Like "Closure" meet ups.

Dude, just stay in NC. I mean, even you stated that you've been feeling bad for the past year in your original post! You have to give it time and keep yourself busy doing positive things! Stay away and give it time.

January 21, 2019

So to anyone that even cares or wants to know, Update!

She text me the next day with an apology and asked if I wanted to meet today. Sure no prob. So while going down there my heart was racing. Asked the universe to just don't make this too horrible lol. We met up and guess what? We had a great time and even made out a bit. I joked and said we should do this every year. Still in the same place and I just know there's always love. Glad i broke NC, we probably will never be back together but I know there's still love.

January 21, 2019

So to anyone that even cares or wants to know, Update!

She text me the next day with an apology and asked if I wanted to meet today. Sure no prob. So while going down there my heart was racing. Asked the universe to just don't make this too horrible lol. We met up and guess what? We had a great time and even made out a bit. I joked and said we should do this every year. Still in the same place and I just know there's always love. Glad i broke NC, we probably will never be back together but I know there's still love.

Ah man, I don’t want to rain on your parade as know you’re prob riding a high. I’ve done this in a previous rele breakup. Went as yours did then my own feelings and anxiety suprised me and resurfaced under me like getting caught out with a tide.

This high will wear off when the anxiety rises again. Be careful dude, if you truly were over her, you’d not bother meeting. She’d be history. I think you’re fibbing to yourself and hoping for reconcile and are telling yourself that’s not the reason. That’s what all this “there’s still love” is about. I say this with your best interests. I think she could really lead you back down.

I suggest following Corey Wayne’s advice now you’ve opened yourself to Pandora’s box (phwar phwar tee hee ). Don’t contact her. Let her come to you. If she contacts you again, suggest a fun date. If she is anything other than “hell yeah!” Then lightheartedly say “no worries, let me know if you change your mind” and get off the phone and disappear.

Either that or just go fully back to NC. All this contact back and forth is doing you no good if she’s not up for reconcile. Big alarm bell is you were pleased that “love is still there”. Pay attention to that, don’t lie to yourself. You could really drag yourself into more hurt here.

January 21, 2019

Ah man, I don’t want to rain on your parade as know you’re prob riding a high. I’ve done this in a previous rele breakup. Went as yours did then my own feelings and anxiety suprised me and resurfaced under me like getting caught out with a tide.

This high will wear off when the anxiety rises again. Be careful dude, if you truly were over her, you’d not bother meeting. She’d be history. I think you’re fibbing to yourself and hoping for reconcile and are telling yourself that’s not the reason. That’s what all this “there’s still love” is about. I say this with your best interests. I think she could really lead you back down.

I suggest following Corey Wayne’s advice now you’ve opened yourself to Pandora’s box (phwar phwar tee hee ). Don’t contact her. Let her come to you. If she contacts you again, suggest a fun date. If she is anything other than “hell yeah!” Then lightheartedly say “no worries, let me know if you change your mind” and get off the phone and disappear.

Either that or just go fully back to NC. All this contact back and forth is doing you no good if she’s not up for reconcile. Big alarm bell is you were pleased that “love is still there”. Pay attention to that, don’t lie to yourself. You could really drag yourself into more hurt here.

Thanks I'll definitely take this to heart and remember. I planned on going no contact again honestly. I love Corey Wayne hes pretty awesome. I follow a few coaches on YouTube and I get it. I'm still working on my purpose in life and trying to get the abundance mindset. Still dating and just working on myself. I'm not gonna kid the forum by saying BS, I do love the girl. What I got from the meetup after a year. She still loves me and I thought it was easy for her to move on. It wasn't easy on her but her mindset hasn't changed much in a year. I know she's not ready yet and neither am I. Just still working on my best self.

January 21, 2019

Like Twizzle said, you're riding a high. In a few weeks, the reality that you aren't together will set in again. Knowing that it was hard for her to move on doesn't make it any easier for you.

January 21, 2019

Like Twizzle said, you're riding a high. In a few weeks, the reality that you aren't together will set in again. Knowing that it was hard for her to move on doesn't make it any easier for you.

I kinda does, always thought and swore she didn't give a crap. Turns out I'm not alone in the feeling. I'm not riding any high and know we're not together. Just feel good that I wasn't alone in my misery lol.

January 26, 2019

Whelp another update for those following or are in the same situation to mine. Met my ex after a yr+ of no contact, initially she cancelled the first meetup but apologized and wanted to know if I was available to hang soon. We hung out the following day and had a great time and had a few kisses and holding hands. Next day she texted it was great seeing you and a thank you. I was like sure it was nice to see you too.

So the Update! I texted her 5 days later saying hey that was fun we should hang out again to which I got " I don't think that's a good idea". I'm very intuitive so I responded you have a BF whats the big deal and she said she's seeing someone nothing seriously though. Frustrated I just told her basically that I still loved her. I figure shoot It's already been so long without her what the hell, let me say what I feel.

Got complete silence and no response. Figured maybe she needs time to think or shes just afraid or she doesn't care.

Guessing silence can be a good sign. What are your thoughts be brutal lol I know some of you are like I told you so haha.

January 26, 2019

You put yourself back to square one.

You will never get another meet up from her since you've done the chasing bit.

As you've seen all that does is push them even farther away.

Weakness which is what you exhibited to her is unnattractive.

She's told you no go but you live on hopium.

You'll be pinning away for longer than you should.

Sounds like you're also making the mistake of projecting onto her. I love her so she must love me too.

It's your life to waste

January 26, 2019

Whelp another update for those following or are in the same situation to mine. Met my ex after a yr+ of no contact, initially she cancelled the first meetup but apologized and wanted to know if I was available to hang soon. We hung out the following day and had a great time and had a few kisses and holding hands. Next day she texted it was great seeing you and a thank you. I was like sure it was nice to see you too.

This is all so embarrassing.

She dumped you. If you follow anything Corey Wayne says you would have known that all contact should have been done by her exclusively.

After one year of NC, instead of waiting to hear from her, you get in touch with her and get blown off.

She feels bad for you and asks you out a day or so later.

She says thanks for the time (This is when you should have asked her out again).

You then continue to chase her down.

You’re chasing her, and what you’ve done so far is pretty needy and desperate.

You’re projecting your own interest on her. I don’t think she cares about you as much as you think she does.

Go NC. If she ever gets in touch by herself, then you can ask her over to yours.

Edited January 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

Sign In

Meeting up with my ex

Recommended Posts

Despr8

nolanola

Despr8

Isle

Despr8

lovesflame

manfrombelow2

manfrombelow2

Despr8

Marc878

Twizzlestick

Despr8

manfrombelow2

BC1980

Marc878

BC1980

Chi townD

Despr8

Twizzlestick

Despr8

BC1980

Despr8

Despr8

Marc878

Sgthaytham

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...