buzzie2 Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 Hi Everyone I had a discussion recently with a close male friend. He is 44 and has never had children, and I am 27 and never had children. I told him that one day I would love to be a mother. He was listening intently and then said "so when are you having these kids"? I went beet red because I was hoping that he and I would have children one day. Then I said I wasnt sure but that I think I would be a good mother. Then his tone changed and he started speaking really softly and said "yes, you would". We both didnt say anything after that and then we changed the subject. Does this mean that he is open to the possiblity of having kids with me one day? I think he would be a great father. Buzzie
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 That isn't really enough to go on. All you know for certain is that he agrees that you would make a great mother. You say you are close friends - does your friendship have an opening for something more? Have you and he talked about it?
Author buzzie2 Posted September 17, 2005 Author Posted September 17, 2005 So far we havent crossed the line passed being friends. We are both very attracted to each other but he is in another relationship. The woman he is with now is 54 and already has two grown children from another marriage. They never had kids together because she already had her opperation. I know he is not happy with her, she is quite abusive to him. He knows that I would never have an affair with him while he was still with her. I'm hoping that he will leave her someday. Should I ask him flat out if he will ever leave her and if he wants children with me?
RecordProducer Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 Is it just me or is your question really weird? I believe most people want to date someone, fall in love, get married then have children. Now you two are not even dating. You can have an agreement to have his children, but only he can give you an answer to that question. Why do you want his children when you're not even dating? Don't ask him to have kids with you, you'll scare him off! You also can't ask him to leave her, but what you can do is let him know that you are interested in him. You don't have to do it flat out either. There are subtle ways. If you need ideas, we'll think of something together. When he knows you like him, he can make the decision about leaving his GF himself. In order that he stays in arelationship with an abusive 54-year old woman, he must be in love. It's not in your interest to start anything with him as long as he loves another woman.
Mary3 Posted September 18, 2005 Posted September 18, 2005 This is messed up. How do you * know * she is awful and abusive ? And even if she is , then its up to him to get out. The most amazing thing is that you have agreeed to not see other people ?? Let me splash some cold water on my face... Are you for real ? He is only your friend. Get on with your life girl !
BonneChatte Posted September 18, 2005 Posted September 18, 2005 I'm with RP and Mary on this one...your inquiry is rather bizarre. I'm sure you can find someone deserving (and single) of your affections. You're only 27, why the rush?
lost_in_chgo Posted September 18, 2005 Posted September 18, 2005 You're having an emotional involvement with him, while he is still in the other relationship. It's way too early to be asking him if he wants to have children with you. You've already discussed it enough. Ask him if he'd like to go out sometime. You can talk about kids after you've been dating for six months.
RecordProducer Posted September 18, 2005 Posted September 18, 2005 You can talk about kids after you've been dating for six months. I don't think this about 6 months. You can talk about whether you want children some day even on the first date, even with not so close friends... But to talk about having children together, I guess people should be in love and discussing their future together. If two people want children and plan to get married (live in a common-law relationship), it's obvious that kids might come someday. Thereare no guarantees in this life, Buzzie. People change their minds or feelings sometimes.
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