soloman Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 so ive been apart with my ex 3 months. she texts me every single day , just random stuff, asking how my sleep was saying morning, asking if i seen items , random stuff. i stay in contact for our child. but i stopped texting her first, i stopped the chase a while ago. so she always texts me first now. she then texted me , do you think i was happy with you? i replied by saying, i dont think it really matters what i think or feel. well not to you anyways i think that set her off, she then said is it really that hard to answer my question, or is it you know that answer and are unwilling to face the facts, what i wanna know is what makes you think im un happy shes been texting everyday , and texting me stuff that seems like this, telling me that shes either out at a bar and asking what im doing or telling me shes doing this or doing that, like i did care because i wanted her back so bad, but now its just getting old, im tired and i have a head ache. im not rude and i dont ignore or ghost because im to mature for that, but like really. what the hell does she want, what is she trying to prove
basil67 Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 My guess is that she's wanting to hear you acknowledge that your behaviour made her really unhappy in the marriage. I'm not suggesting that you did anything wrong - I'm just answering from her angle. I think it's time you firmly put an end to this texting. Tell her that you wish her well but need to move on and in future you will only be engaging in conversations regarding the children.
Redhead14 Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 You pick up the telephone, call her and create your boundaries. You remind her that you are not a couple anymore. You tell her that there is no reason for the two of you to talk other than about things that involve the child PERIOD. You also tell her that there is no reason to text you regarding anything but the child and, in the future, any text she sends you will be ignored unless it has something to do with the child, in which case, you will call her and have an adult conversation. This is not about being rude, it's about boundaries and enforcement.
grays Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 How old is your kid? It would suck to alienate your child’s mom no matter what the age, but if he or she is very young that might be worse.
lovesflame Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 she probably wants closure and wants to feel better about the pain she went through. Also, she is prideful and does not want you to think she is unhappy. This shows she is still very concerned about your opinion and feelings towards her. which shows how close and dependent she was on you. I say call her, then try to have an actual heartfelt conversation and understand where she is coming from and see if you can empathize and then you share your truth back with her. She is your daughter's mom (I have one too) and maybe she is lonely, too. Honestly, she is only human just like me and you. I say call and talk, because only when we say things do we truly understand ourselves. and so it could help her AND you
Chi townD Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 She's asking you those questions because she probably feels guilty on how things ended. She's baiting you. "Do you think I was happy with you?" Total bait question. If you would have responded with, "I don't know" that would have opened the flood gates on everything YOU did wrong and that's why you two are no longer together. And by the end; in her head, she can let go of her guilt because she justified it in her head that you were the reason for the break up. In the meantime, leaving you to feel like sh*t just to ease her own guilt. Don't buy into that.
Marc878 Posted January 20, 2019 Posted January 20, 2019 Just because you have a child together doesn't me you can't apply no contact. Never answer her phone calls direct. Let them go to voicemail and only respond by text to child related issues. Same with text messages. Ignore anything but child relatedness things. Pickups/drop offs limit to 3 minutes with no engagement. It works. Right now you are allowing her control over you and your life. She left so if you want to move on this is you're only path.
Author soloman Posted January 26, 2019 Author Posted January 26, 2019 (edited) im just going to talk about my situation. so ive been staying at my moms house for 4 months now. me and her are arguing like crazy , she keeps trying to interfere with my parenting. i seriously hate it here. my spouse of 8 years broke up with me months ago and things have just been a mess in my life, its so hard to sleep , eat, and try and be happy. ex on the other hand has changed completely. she drinks all the time now, and goes out late till like 2 or 3 in the morning. ive tried to make sense of what shes said or done or why we broke up. all i know is in the past few months leading up to the break up she was getting angry at everything. small details , little things like ocd would set her off. and she started hanging out with her best friend 24 7 . even now, they are to gether constantly, she broke up with me and her best friend dumped her man with in a week. i took cheating a possibility but i did my research and its not.i can only think that her ego and their gossip with eachother fueled the situation. my ex changed her appearance and is trying to be sexy all the time. she told me that she sees all these couples in photos and wants to be like them n that im not the type of man she wants to be with, she said all this to me while screaming at me during the break up. im gonna skip a buncha crap and come to now. since then she texts me everday. hot and cold. its like the weekend i have our child she doesnt call me. but the weekend she has our child. she wants me to come over and cuddle or have sex. so far we had sex twice. and cuddled twice. but the next morning she goes cold again. i did it to my self i know, i really dont understand whats going on, but im trying to get to the root of the problem. i feel like sex is the problem. our sex kinda got dall, and i feel like that was the cause of her anger building up. there were weeks were we wouldnt have sex. and when we did , usually one of us couldnt finish. what i dont really get is why she still texts me everyday. still wants to cuddle n have sex sometimes. still wants to hang out and go out for suppers. but she wont be with me. and i feel like the main reason she wont is because she feels like she will be betraying her bestie, girl for life. even though she chose her best friend over me. basically. my ex has done so many ****ty careless things to me in the last 4 months i really dont even know why i want back anymore. i guess i just missed our family alot and waking up to my baby every morning and to her and our older girls. all this stress has just kept my in a daze head spin. i cant handle it its just becoming too over welming. and my ex, she has no care in the world. doesnt show no emotion. its like shes someone else. or like she hit her head. the girl i know was a funny cozey loving spouse. she turned into a angry , egotistical ******* who thinks shes too good to be true. i want to blame her friend, but i cant , i cant even blame her. only myself for staying and being commited. sorry i rambled on for a while, but anyways, i guess what im asking is , why would she leave me but not let me go? Why keep me on a leesh but pull me in everyonce in a while if she doesnt want me in my life. i probably already know the answers, but id like to hear yours. thanks Edited January 26, 2019 by soloman
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