pulsar Posted January 16, 2019 Posted January 16, 2019 (edited) Hello All, It's been a while since Ive been here. So here it goes - I (30) recently broke up with my girlfriend (32) (dated for 14-15 months) with whom I was planning a future together. We are both PhD students and met through a mutual friend in the past. I broke up due to my current life circumstances - I have been going into a negative spiral and developing depression-related habits, in addition to that, I had become very negative person lacking confidence. It doesn't help that my finances have been gradually stressing me out. I have maybe till end of this year to finish my PhD so I had to also focus on that. I broke up with the intent to make myself better and healthier person full of life but I also told her that she shouldn't wait for me because we may want different things in the future and it would be unfair on my part to expect her to wait. She stated that she wants to wait for me because I would do the same for her and it's her choice. After breaking up, I realized I love her plenty. However, I'm not sure if it is worth talking to her about reinitiating something months down the road. Right now, I asked for NC for both of our's sake but when I do contact her in 1-2 months at least I would like an open conversation to see if we can reinitiate something. I wouldn't be able to reinitiate until summer which by then she may have moved on. Apart from that, there were other issues in the relationship, she can be emotionally immature and self-centered (arising from lack of maturity) and unnecessarily defensive leading to arguments and fights. I eventually became less inclined to speak up if it meant an argument or fight (my mistake) which also contributed to unhappiness in the relationship. Her negative behavior traits also put my family off (which adds to the complication). They loved her initially but started noticing traits and habits which rubbed them the wrong way. So my question to the LS Community is, is it worth trying again months down the road if we both have grown as individuals? I can say with certainty that if she hasn't grown and changed the negative habits, it will be difficult to make it work and get my family onboard the second time. Apologies for the long post and thank you! Pulsar Edit 1: I forgot to mention we were a multicultural couple (I'm South Asian and she is Caucasian) which did play different dynamic in the relationship. Edit 2: When we broke up she wanted to see of there were relationship issues that we could work on together. Considering that I'm not in a good place emotionally and mentally, I said its best if I work on myself on my own. Edited January 17, 2019 by pulsar Forgot some details.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 Regret is normal. If she behaves that way, do not get back together w/her. She will not change and those issues will come up again. When I broke up w/my ex, I had a stabbing feeling in my heart for months. I powered through that and just thought about all the negatives (him being self centered, how unhappy he made me feel etc etc). Healing takes a long time, but don't go back.
planb1973 Posted January 17, 2019 Posted January 17, 2019 Aside from what ever her issues are you broke up with her, broke her heart, and think that months down the road you will just rekindle something with her? Its done, if you have regrets just live with those and leave her alone. 1
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